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American Horror Story: Asylum – S2E3 – Nor’easter

Previously on American Horror Story: Asylum

Old bloody face is still there terrorizing Teresa and Leo; he gets a few stabs in on Leo and goes after Teresa. Before Bloody Murderface Stabby McGee can lay into Teresa, though, Mr. “I Will Never Die” Leo tackles him and uses his own weapon against him. Here’s where Teresa gets smart; she grabs the weapon and repeatedly stabs Bloody Face. That dude is dead now. Very dead. Here’s a little twist, though! There’s two more “Bloody Faces”, and these other two have a gun. Several shots are fired; Teresa and “More Lives Than Rory” Leo are finally put out of their misery. As it turns out, these three guys were just playing a very deadly prank. Isn’t murder funny? They’re about to cheese it when, guess what? Actual Bloody Face shows up and kills both of them. All kinds of death in the cold open, this week.

To the past!

Sister Jude’s hanging out when a newspaper is delivered. This is not just any newspaper, though–it’s the motherfucking Time! (Morris Day? No? Okay. Just getting a feel of the room.)–the paper freaks Sister Jude the fuck out. So far the fuck out, in fact, that she just has to… make some bread! She has some very crazy flashbacks while pounding the hell out of this bread dough, until she’s interrupted by Dr. Threadson. They exchange some awkwardly subtle threats before she accuses him of delivering the newspaper. The only problem is, the look on his face says that he may not even know what a newspaper is. Oh, and she is still slamming that dough. Tons of frustration taken out there.

Sister Stupid informs the patients that there is to be a lockdown/movie night; this induces more plans of escape from Kit and some uneasy confrontations between he and Lana. You know, since she kind of ruined the last attempt.

Dr. Arden straps Kit back down and pokes at him some more (I should clarify that this is not a euphemism; that’s a necessary clarification with that kink Dr. Arden). Apparently, Dr. Arden suspects Kit of being an East German secret agent sent there to spy on Dr. Arden’s experiments. As it turns out, on top of being a grade-A perv, Dr. Arden is quite paranoid, to boot.

You never want to mix stupid with crazy; right now, this woman is all full up on both.

If you’ll recall, in the previous episode, there was an exorcism performed (I know, right?). Do you remember what happened at the very end of the exorcism? The demon apparently jumped from the kid it was inhabiting and right into Ms. Sister Stupid’s stupid face, I say “apparently” because it wasn’t entirely clear that this had happened. Well, don’t worry, kids, American Horror Story: Asylum is prepared to clarify any ambiguity; Sister Stupid saunters her very clearly possessed ass into the room of a terrified Spanish prayer-spewing patient (subsequently referred to as “The Mexican” for the rest of the episode) and proceeds to murder her in a very messy way. Then she drags the body out to Dr. Arden’s creatures.

The next morning, Sister Stupid goes to Dr. Arden to inform him of the “feeding” she had last night. Dr. Arden is pleased, but then things get freaky, even for him, when Sister Stupid literally throws herself and her possessed loins at him. He’s having none of that. Say what you will about the guy, but he exhibits great discipline with his perversions. He really cannot be seduced… yet…

“Pssh, that’s not even my shade.” – Dr. Arden

Sister Jude confronts Dr. Arden about Sister Stupid’s earlier actions–wearing red lipstick… ooo–Dr. Arden, however, had nothing to do with the lipstick; he thinks Sister Jude is upset about the whole “possessed loins” thing. They’re both confused as hell, but neither want to show any loss of control. It’s clear, though, and made even more so by the following scene that sees Sister Jude receive a crazy-creepy phone call from some little girl. Apparently, back in 1949, Sister Jude was involved in a car accident where she killed a little girl; she was drunk, so she didn’t bother to stop. Now, 15 years later, shit is finally getting real for her. This is mostly conjecture on my part, but it’s all fairly clear. After she hangs up the phone, Sister Jude reaches for some alcohol, and who can blame her? She just got a phone call from a dead kid, and how did that kid get connected? I imagine the operator is drinking, too. Sister Jude gets blotto and stumbles her way to the aforementioned movie-time-slumber-party. She’s so drunk that she should really be eating a sandwich off the floor. As is wont to happen, Sister Jude’s inebriation causes her to ramble on and on about nothing… until she starts to openly confess what had happened 15 years earlier. As it were, though, everyone had already stopped listening to her drunk ass, so her secret’s more-or-less still a secret.

During the movie, Dr. Threadson informs Lana that–at her behest–he checked on her girlfriend, Wendy. He tells her that he suspects something has happened to her girlfriend. Of course, we know that his suspicions are 100% accurate. This news causes Lana to skip out on the movie and join in on the latest escape attempt. Lana tells the others that she will lead them to the secret tunnel she took to get into the asylum–you remember when Sister Stupid brought her in? See? Things are coming together. Speaking of things coming together, the nympho uses her particular set of skills to distract a guard while the others escape. Do you think these skills overlap with Liam Neeson’s particular set of skills?

Meanwhile, Dr. Arden is playing dress-up with that lipstick from earlier and an angel statue. You know, with the right shade of lipstick and maybe some blush? That statue could probably get to looking pretty sexy. I actually may be getting too deep into this show; either that, or I’m learning some very strange things about myself. Apparently, Dr. Arden disagrees, though, because he smashes the statue. Poor sexy, marble lady. After getting himself all hot and bothered with the weeping angel, Dr. Arden catches Shelly, the nympho.

Who’s a pretty girl? You’re a pretty girl. Okay, maybe not in this light…

Kit, Lana, and the other one. Seriously, I don’t remember her name; she’s basically the third member of Destiny’s Child… or members 2-5 of Destiny’s Child. Right about this time, the guy that was supposed to be watching the patients is informed by Dr. Threadson that some people are missing. Uh-oh, Barney Fife. A search is initiated, but our ragtag gang is already outside and long gone, right? Wrong, because they go off traipsing in the death fields and run into one of Dr. Arden’s creatures–a creature that appears to be some kind of Frankenstein zombie?–so they hightail it back inside. It’s too late, though; Sister Jude has already been woken from her drunken slumber, and she is pissed/hungover. There will be no more movie nights for the foreseeable future, and I’m guessing no bright lights for at least a couple of hours.

While all of this is going on, Dr. Arden-stein has pulled Shelly into his office where he intends to rape her. As it turns out, though, the doc experiences a bit of a false start. She laughs at him, and he proceeds to clock her over the head. Her “punishment” doesn’t end there, however, oh no. See, the next morning, she wakes up in his lab, strapped to his table, and he lets her know that everyone else thinks she escaped. One other thing he lets her know? He chopped her legs off! Not one of them, like that pussy Hershel on The Walking Dead; he chopped both her pins off below the knee. Your move, AMC. Your move.

About John Elrod II (285 Articles)
John is currently untitled. This complete lack of definition would drive most into abject bitterness and utter despair, but not someone of John’s virility. No, John is the picture of mental stability and emotional platitude.

4 Comments on American Horror Story: Asylum – S2E3 – Nor’easter

  1. OOOH, so THAT’S the Mexican everyone was talking about! The praying lady!

    Also, that girl’s name is Grace and I only know that because she was the sticker when I checked in on Get Glue last night.

    Your move indeed, AMC.

  2. I am watching and reading.

    I’m just so happy these people didn’t fall in the woods during the storm. All three of them would deserve to be eaten.

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