We start out with a 911 call, in present time. It’s Bloody Face calling to inform the police that he has killed the “impostors” who were terrorizing Leo and Teresa in the dilapidated ruins of Briarcliff. Apparently, Bloody Face doesn’t subscribe to the notion that imitation is the highest form of flattery; instead, he has suspended the copy cats (fans?) from the ceiling, which is where the police find them.
Now we head to the past!
A lady, Mrs. Reynolds, brings to the asylum her very creepy daughter Jenny. Sister Jude informs her that Briarcliff does not have a children’s ward; Mrs. Reynolds informs Sister Jude, however, that she doesn’t understand just how fucked up Jenny is.
Meanwhile, Dr. Thredson still has Lana in his basement; a basement which is “obviously soundproof”, which he sarcastically informs Lana when she starts screaming. Then he prepares Lana a hearty breakfast, and they have a heart-to-heart conversation about Thredson’s childhood abandonment and subsequent mother issues; mother issues which include some very Oedipal and necrophiliac tendencies. Zachary Quinto is a fantastic actor, which is further proven by how creeped out he’s making me. In their conversation, Dr. Thredson explains that he’s been trying to find a replacement mother; more to the point, a replacement to a mother’s warmth. Creepy.
Back at Briarcliff, Sister Jude receives a phone call from the inspector she hired (and subsequently fired), earlier. He tells Sister Jude that, as we suspected, our “Anne Frank” was right in her accusation that Dr. Arden used to be a Nazi at Auschwitz. After she hangs up, Sister Jude discovers that Mrs. Reynolds has abandoned Jenny at the asylum. Sister Jude ain’t having that; she’s like, “Sister Stupid! You get in here and handle this mess. I have a Nazi to deal with.” Or, you know, not in so many words. Apparently, Jenny is there to parallel Dr. Thredson. Perhaps these kids wouldn’t grow up to be such horrible adults if they weren’t, I don’t know, abandoned!
At the same time, Monsignor Timothy has been called to a hospital to take a look at a woman whom nobody else wants to help. He discovers that it’s Shelley, and she is all kinds of fucked up; it’s even worse than it was the last time we saw her. Exposure to the sun must do that, or maybe it’s just because she’s in the light where we can see her. Monsignor strangles Shelley with his rosary beads, and then goes back to the asylum to confront Dr. Arden. Apparently, back when Father Timothy became Monsignor Timothy, he gave Dr. Arden permission to continue his experiments, but he had no idea just how insane Dr. Arden is. Monsignor Timothy wants out, but Dr. Arden tells him that he’s in too deep, now, and now Dr. Arden has taken in the local chronic masturbator as his next “experiment”.
Then we get to see a disturbing conversation between Sister Stupid (Sister Mary Eunice) and the demon child Jenny. In this conversation, we get to hear a little about Mary Eunice’s past; apparently, she became a nun because nobody liked her. Perfectly reasonable excuse to dedicate your life to religion, right? Anyway, the more important information we gain from this conversation is that Sister Stupid is, indeed, still possessed by the devil. You remember that storyline? If you do, you’ve got a pretty good memory, because the show kind of abandoned it for a few episodes (Gasp! There’s that word again: “abandon”). Granted, the show has had some more pressing issues to address before finally getting back to this “possessed by the devil” thing, but this is literally the first mention of it in weeks.
Monsignor Timothy tells Sister Jude that he has gotten her transferred from Briarcliff to some place in Pittsburgh. When Sister Stupid learns of this, she consoles Sister Jude and asks her “What about Dr. Arden?” Sister Stupid is feigning fear of Dr. Arden, even though we all know she’s in cahoots with him. Then Sister Jude tells Sister Stupid to fetch Monsignor Timothy’s Cognac. You think they’re going to get drunk together, but it’s actually for Sister Jude and Dr. Arden. While Sister Jude is off trying to get Dr. Arden’s fingerprint on a glass for Mr. Goodman (the inspector), Sister Stupid takes the opportunity to dance around in Sister Jude’s red lingerie. I like Jessica Lange, and all, but Lily Rabe looks decidedly better in that outfit; it’s an admittedly sexy scene. During this, Mr. Goodman calls Sister Jude’s office; a phone call Sister Stupid answers and pretends to be Sister Jude. Sister Stupid heads over to Mr. Goodman’s home, where she proceeds to murder Mr. Goodman and steal all the information he has on Dr. Arden. When Sister Jude brings him Dr. Arden’s fingerprint, she discovers Mr. Goodman’s body.
Sister Stupid takes Mr. Goodman’s evidence to Dr. Arden to tell him that she took care of that little problem. Dr. Arden is incredulous about what made her help him… oh, and he totally goes on an anti-Semitic rant that might even make a drunken Mel Gibson uncomfortable.
Away from all that asylum drama, at Dr. Thredson’s evil lair, he also receives a phone call; his is from Kit, who is at the police station. Kit rightly accuses Dr. Thredson of being a liar, which Dr. Threadson absolutely does not appreciate. While Thredson was on the phone, Lana was in the soundproof basement trying to escape. When Thredson returns to her side, he uses some crazy, Sherlock Holmesian detective/doctor skills to discern that her perspiration and heart rate are indicative of the fact that she was up to something. He discovers that her chain is nearly broken, and she was trying to abandon him just like his mother did! She’s not “the one”, after all, so she must die like the others. Before killing her, however, he dons his fancy, cobbled mask of faces (because one thing that will not be abandoned is good taste) and tells Lana that he chose her before she was even in Briarcliff (we see a scene of the “ambitious reporter” Lana we met in the beginning of the season). Then, as Dr. Thredson is finally about to kill her, Lana manages to convince him that she loves him “unconditionally”–like a mother would–and she manipulates him into not killing her, after all.
Some people who were not so lucky? Jenny’s family (you know, the psycho girl). Earlier, Sister Jude had convinced the girl’s mother to come back to Briarcliff and unabandon her daughter (although, you really can’t unpluck a chicken, if you know what I mean). Anyway, young Jenny apparently didn’t take too kindly to being left in an insane asylum (and being coached by the devil probably didn’t help), so she killed her mother and siblings, and then she gave the police a description that sounds a lot like Dr. Arden. Maybe that will come back to bite him in the ass?
Then, boom! We head off to “present time”, where the police are still investigating the bodies hanging from the ceiling. They clearly don’t know what the hell is going on. This is where yet another phone call occurs; this is the phone call episode, clearly (or is it the phone call week on television? This week’s The Walking Dead was the same way!). Are they sponsored by AT&T? I mean, shit; these people are on the phone more than Theresa Randle in a Spike Lee movie, but I digress. This phone call is to a cell phone lying on the floor. The cop answers it to hear Bloody Face (presumably Dr. Thredson/Zachary Quinto) tell him that he only killed the impostors. The episode’s final phone call ends, and another officer says he just got information that Leo (Adam Levine) was there on his honeymoon. “Where’s his wife?” they all say, as we jump to ol’ Bloody Face standing beside Teresa’s writhing body strapped to a table. Oh, damn.