Previously on AHS: Freak Show, ‘Blood Bath’
Last week, like half the cast died and there were some questionable plot twists and one hell of a messed up ending, so I’m not sure what to expect from tonight. I’m just praying it does not include any more Dandy butt shots.
We kick off the show with Maggie giving Dandy a reading. She calls him a “heartbreaker.” I know she’s a fake, but she could not be further away from the truth. She peers into her crystal ball and sees Dandy whacking the head off of an Avon lady and then sewing it onto his mother’s body. He’s created his own puppet two-headed twin. Now there’s the sick and twisted AHS I’ve come to know and love. Yikes. But it turns out Maggie saw nothing and says his indiscretion will be soon forgotten. She claims there’s a dark cloud on the horizon, but not to worry, it will pass and he’ll continue to break hearts. He drops her a Benjamin (that’s $100, right?) and she asks him to return any time. Worst fortune teller ever.
Jimmy is feeding the Fat Lady seductively and it’s pretty revolting. Lizard Man and Giant Girl agree. Then he hears Dandy’s whistling and runs off after him demanding to see the twins. Calls him a murderer and tries to punch him but only knocks himself out. Dandy vows to destroy him and everything he loves. Lay off the sauce, Jimmy, cuz that is not an empty threat.
The twins are holed up in a motel, but Elsa and Richard have come to “rescue” them, saying no freaks are safe and there are mobs after them. Even claiming these “mobs” attacked Ethel. The twins ain’t buying it but Elsa says their magic surgeon is on his way down and they change their tune.
A black man – it’s Theo Huxtable! – shows up at the circus looking for Desiree. Maggie tells him to scram but Desiree says he can stay. Guess Theo is Desiree’s new man friend. She swears Maggie to secrecy and they creep around to find Jimmy pounding the Fat Lady doggy style. He grunts at them in anger because he was “so close to a nut” and Maggie is disgusted. She storms off and Jimmy tries to stop her but she wants nothing to do with him. He praises his new woman and Maggie slaps him. The Fat Lady defends her man and Maggie gives her a dose of honesty: she could be a donut or a pillow or a sock. When Fat Lady looks to Jimmy for defense, he pukes in the corner. Lovely.
Another housewife dinner party where Jimmy is the main attraction. Except he’s drunk and can’t “perform.” He hallucinates that Ethel is there and she’s very disappointed in him. He cries into her imaginary lap and then gets kicked out of the party. Moments later Dandy pops in feigning car trouble and needing to use their phone. I see lots of death in their future.
Richard and Elsa drop the twins off at some abandoned shack furnished with a bed and some of their things. And a suspicious looking table where they’ll supposedly have their surgery. Richard assures Bette that the doctor has “perfected his technique” and they both can live. With one leg and one arm each. Yet they somehow consider that a “normal” life. Okay.
Hubby comes home complaining about his wife’s friends blocking his driveway for her Tupperware party. He finds their body parts floating in the pool and blood splattered everywhere. But Dandy has taken some of that blood home with him in the handy Tupperware containers. As he’s preparing his next “blood bath”, Regina catches him. She tells him she’s gone to the cops about her mother. He declares he’s killed her mother. It’s then that she notices the blood splattered and smeared around the room. But rest assured Regina, it’s not mommy’s blood. They buried her weeks ago. No, he’s bathing in other people’s blood. No big. She tries to run away, but homegirl is not just very large, she’s also in heels, so she doesn’t get very far. Dandy traps her in the room and waxes poetic about how lovely it is to kill someone. He asks her to take a bath with him. Which is crazy, not just cuz the tub is full of blood, but hello, they are not both going to fit in there. And then we get another butt shot. Seriously, one was enough. He orders her into the tub and assures her he isn’t going to kill her. She asks to go home and he kicks her out. And we get yet another ass shot. Good Lord, put some pants on this man!
The twins are waiting in the shed and Bette says she knows she won’t survive the surgery. Dot insists that she could but Bette knows better. Bette yaps on for a while about love and sacrifice and this and that and finally agrees to being killed off for the sake of her sister. Like she had a choice. Dot was a breath away from chopping Bette’s head off her damn self.
Back at the freak show, Dell is wandering off drunkenly. Richard finds him and asks if he’s going to see his boy toy. Then he whips out his penis and yet again I don’t get to see what’s going on with it. Does it have two heads? Is it enormous? Is it 3 feet long? WHAT? Dell calls him a freak and refuses to touch it. Richard jerks himself off and Dell seems tempted.
Later, Dell’s writing Jimmy a letter and there’s a noose hanging behind him. It’s a suicide note and he hallucinates that Ma Petite demands he sign it. He signs it and then hallucinates that Ethel is there. She taunts him into hanging himself and he takes his sweet ass time doing it. But he finally does and is just about to die when Desiree comes in and saves him. Damn it, why’d you do that, Desiree? Of all the deaths on this show, his was the only one I wanted.
Richard is playing dress up with some young lad in a doctor’s uniform. I better get to see what is up with his wiener. And soon. Doc is rehearsing to play the famous surgeon and doing a terrible job. But he gives good head so Richard is pleased (pun intended).
Regina brings a detective back with her to Dandy’s house and he happily escorts them inside and offers a drink. The detective declines and lets Dandy yap away like the crazy person he is. He palms his gun and tells Dandy to stop talking, but Dandy instead offers the detective a million dollars in cash to dig a grave for Regina. Without hesitation, the cop shoots her right between the eyes and asks for a shovel. Yeah, I did not see that coming.
At the freak show, Giant Girl is taking down Ethel’s banner and Jimmy loses his shit over it. He tries to hang it back up but is too drunk to do it. So he goes back to his trailer and the twins are seated on his bed. Dot says she’s changed her mind about the surgery. And she’s in love with Jimmy. Get in line, sister. Every woman on this show wants this kid. Dot drops her robe and offers herself (herselves?) to him. Bette says she’ll close her eyes and “disappear for a while” to give them privacy. Dot moves in for a kiss and he puts his arms around both of them and it’s just…weird. Jimmy feels it too because he pushes them away and puts their robe back on. Oh, the sting of rejection. Jimmy’s in love with someone else. Dot mopes away crying and Jimmy smashes a bottle against a wall.
A bunch of cop cars roll into the freak show and arrest Jimmy for the murders of some random women I assume to be the Tupperware ladies. Jimmy screams he’s innocent and Maggie tries to defend him but they sweep him away anyway. Oh, Dandy is good. Crazy as shit but smart as hell and that was a slick ass move right there.
Hmm. I’m not sure what to make of this episode. Some random stuff happened with Desiree that never really went anywhere and seems pointless right now. Dell DOESN’T die, when he really should have. And poor Jimmy is a damn mess. I’m equal parts horrified and fascinated with Dandy, but his story line is the most engaging for me right now. Other stuff seems to be just…stuff. And if they bring up Richard’s weiner one more time without letting me see it, I will riot.
Until next week…