Previously, on American Idol: “Songs from the Cinema”
There’s apparently a song called “Selfie“. It’s played along with a montage of the contestants, and Seacrest, taking selfies. I have no time for selfies unless they’re mine or Seacrest’s. Ryan and the judges look over all the signs in the audience. I don’t have time for signs that aren’t about me or Seacrest. Then they talk a lot about an earthquake that happened earlier this week.
the LA earthquake happened at the exact moment i was doin’ the nay nay. i didn’t feel it. #quake
— Harry Connick, Jr. (@HarryConnickJR) March 17, 2014
So, the theme tonight is songs from 2011-2014 that have been in the Billboard Top 10 Charts. Earlier this week, Ryan brought the contestants into his radio station during his radio show, to give them a little media experience. I used to listen to his radio show every day and clip out all the funny parts and upload them to my Seacrest fan site. Don’t judge me! Don’t judge me on any of that!
MK is singing “Perfect” by Pink because people have posted on Twitter and whatnot about how she’s helped them get through depression or whatnot, and the overall theme of that song is that you should never feel worthless. This girl makes my eyes leak. Also, I love this song. I prefer it unedited because I feel like the “fucking” part adds a certain intensity to it. The way Pink sings it, she’s adding an urgency to her voice to get whoever she’s singing to to believe her. I love it. MK sings it edited, of course, but she puts emotion into it. She looks great and sounds great. I don’t know why her existence makes me weepy. Maybe someone is just always cutting onions at the same time as I’m watching Idol. The judges want her to own the stage more. It wasn’t their favorite performance of hers, but it was mine. Harry points out what I’ve been saying for years: if you’re not going to sing as good as or better than the original artist, don’t do it. And I guess she wasn’t better than Pink, but I love her anyway. I like the song choice best out of all she’s done so far.
Dexter is up doing one of my favorite songs. “Cruise” by Florida Georgia Line. His version starts out slow, which I don’t like, but then he picks it up. Not as good as the original, but I can’t hear this song and not rock out to it. This is overall a boring rendition of this song. Jen liked the performance, Harry did not because he didn’t do anything different with it and was mostly just meandering. Harry thinks Dexter needs to be bigger than the song. Jen boos, but Harry is right. Keith likes it more than anybody should.
Next up is Jena. She’s all Demi Lovato looking tonight. She’s singing that “Clarity” song I can’t stand. Wait… is this Demi Lovato? She looks and sounds like her tonight, except for the fact that this completely sucks. The judges somehow thought it was good, but trust me, it was not.
Let’s move on to Alex. He’s doing “Story of My Life” by One Direction. He’s scared their fans, “The Directioners”, will hate him and hunt him down and stick his head on a stick. I mean, I assume they’d do something like that as most rabid fanbases are insane like that. I don’t particularly like his version. It’s not something I’d download, burn to a CD, and listen to in my car. BUT, he doesn’t do a unique version of it and it is very “Alex”. He did a good job. The judges loved it and thought he owned the stage. Jen compares his stage presence to Buddy Holly’s. Ryan brings a laptop on stage and shows him what all the One Direction fans are saying.
Malaya is singing “When I Was Your Man“. You can’t be a man without expensive surgery. Don’t be stupid. But anyway, vocally she does great. You can easily forget that she’s not a man singing about being a man. She was very sincere in the lyrics. It was great. Everybody loved it. Also, she’s dressed very ‘80s. Ryan comes out and gives her some flowers, because she had mentioned before she’d never gotten flowers. Sweet. It probably wasn’t even his idea, but whatevs.
Caleb is up singing “Edge of Glory” by Lady GaGa. Great choice! This is awesome. If this guy isn’t at least in the top two, then this show is shady, but we already knew that. Harry wanted him to sing something softer and more intimate but still gives his performance an A+. The judges don’t think it’s his best, but overall, they thought vocally he was great.
CJ is singing “Invisible” by Hunter Hayes. It was very emotional and pretty. There’s violins in the background. I liked it. The judges thought he was shaky and sharp.
Jessica has a face I don’t even wanna deal with. She just looks evil. She’s always talking about her “style” but her whole style to me is just “Halloween costume”. She’s doing “Pumped Up Kicks“. I listen to the performance because I like the song, but there’s nothing special about this performance.
Majesty is doing “Wake Me Up” by Avicii. She’s actually dressed her age today and not like a 65-year-old cat lady. She’s really adorable. Me and Harry like her performance. Jen and Keith did not.
Pimp spot tonight belongs to Sam. The way I feel about same reminds me of that SNL sketch where Tina Fey was a teacher and Justin Bieber was her student (this was back before he lost his damn mind), and she couldn’t decide if she wanted to marry him or put him in a stroller and take him to the park. Anyway, Sam is singing “We Are Young“. I don’t know if this deserved the pimp spot, but it was definitely a great performance. The judges have to rush to get their comments in. They liked him, but say he needs to be less timid on stage.
Thursday Night: Results
So, I recapped this on Saturday and while I was searching for pictures, I saw who got cut. I skipped through the whole episode just to see if anyone but me shed tears. Also, I didn’t care to see Jen dancing in short jean shorts. I fast forwarded through that part, and it looked very In Living Color, Fly Girl. Though while fast fowarding, I did catch a glimpse of Ryan dancing in the audience, and it was amusing.
Since I already know what happens and already not happy about it, I’ll just sum this up. Bottom 2 are MK and Dexter. And obviously by my distress, MK goes home. Ugh.
Me – “It’s cause she’s a lesbian, isn’t it? And the world isn’t ready for her?”
The fiance – “No. Lesbians just wanna think that, but she probably just didn’t sing well.”
Me – “… Leave.”
Okay, so maybe she wasn’t the best last night, but she wasn’t the worst, either. Jena was awful, and Jessica needs to stop existing. Her sing-out is “All of Me“. This song is competing to be my first dance song at my wedding. I wish their was an MK version. This is beautiful, and me and Jen cry. The audience chants for the judges to save her, but they are not unanimous in the decision to save her. I wanna know who the rat is who voted against her! It looks like Jen is pushing for her, so it was probably one of the guys. I gotta get out of here before I ugly cry. Peace out.