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American Idol XIII Recap – Top 11: Songs from the Cinema

Previously, on American Idol: “Home

So, tonight is important because it determines who goes on the summer tour. With the exception of the last two seasons, which I didn’t find worth my time, I used to go to all the summer tours, which included waiting outside by the buses for hours (and sometimes driving to other states; Don’t judge me!) to wait for things like this to happen:

With Ace Young from Season 5, in Milwaukee. Best moment of my life.

With Ace Young from Season 5, in Milwaukee. Best moment of my life.

I haven’t made a decision yet about attending this summer’s tour, but tonight might make it for me.

So, on to the show. Ryan opens the show by looking deep into the camera and eye sexing me as he says, “This is American Idol.” Ryan’s not a big eye sexer, so when he does do it, it’s special.

American Idol XIII | Top 11

Tonight’s theme is “Songs from the Cinema”. For those of you who aren’t over 60 or from Europe, that means songs from movies. I didn’t really listen to all the conversation between the judges and Ryan at the beginning, because I was searching for that Ace Young pic above, but I heard “in it to win it” several times. Out of habit, I almost said, “Shut up, Randy.”

First up is Sam, my baby husband. I’m not sure how to feel about it. He’s not done being raised yet, but his voice is really deep. I think I really just want to cuddle him and read him bedtime stories. His pre-performance package is a montage of the other contestants doing impressions of him. It’s mostly them just staring straight ahead with that deer-in-the-headlights Sam face and then making jokes about how he lives in a retirement community. It’s pretty amusing. He’s singing “Come Together” from Across the Universe. He’s not playing guitar which is odd to see, but he seems more confident tonight than last week. This isn’t a great song. His performance of it is fine, but nobody should ever sing this song on this show. It’s boring as shit. The judges thought it was an average performance but that he’s on the way to being better.

I don't know what's going on either, but shut up, Randy.

I don’t know what’s going on either, but shut up, Randy.

Jessica sings something; I skip past most of it. Jen thought it was okay but that she never really got her groove. Then Jen lies to her that she thinks she can win. Her hair looks like she put on a weave before she went to bed and then didn’t comb her hair in the morning. Do you comb a weave? I don’t know, but my point is she has a lot of fake looking hair that needs a comb run through it. I can’t like her, no matter what she does. I’ve tried. I mean, I haven’t really tried. But you know. I tried to try. Okay, that’s a lie, too.

Next up is CJ. He’s singing “Can’t You See” from the movie Blow. All these pre-performance videos are hilarious. There’s not much funny to say about CJ, but they get there. CJ is playing a new guitar. Vocally he sounds great. The judges give him a standing O.  They all agree it was a very strong performance.

Everybody’s impression of Dexter is pretty accurate and pretty hilarious. He’s singing “Sweet Home Alabama”. Everybody thought he sang it well but that, with a song that big, you need to be bigger than it.

Some kind of secret handshake that bores Ryan.

Some kind of secret handshake that bores Ryan.

Ben is singing “Benny and the Jets”. He’s cleaned up to the point I didn’t even recognize him. I saw him earlier in the show and was like “Who dat?” He’s also playing piano, so I didn’t recognize him again. Who is this suddenly classy guy?! I like it! The judges don’t like his performance. Fools. It was great. I mean, it ended kind of bad, but it was good until then, and it was different. They want the contestants to grow and change but then complain when they do. This goes on every season.

American Idol XIII | Ben

Next up is Majesty. Dressed like a 60-year-old woman again. I’m guessing this is just her style. Her pre-performance video is the most hilarious so far. She’s singing “Let It Go” from Frozen. I can’t think of anything except how the way she’s dressed reminds me of that scene in The Help where the one lady shit in her master’s pie. It reminds me of the whole movie actually, but that’s the only part I remember from it. Harry calls her a mystery. Nobody mentions the dress. She looks 14 but is dressed like she’s 50. How come no one ever mentions this? Am I just an asshole?

American Idol XIII | Majesty

Caleb’s video is just everybody yelling and screaming and saying, “I love rock and roll!!” Sounds accurate. He’s singing “Skyfall” from the movie Skyfall. I didn’t know this was a thing, but then again, I haven’t seen Skyfall. I was asked to go see it, but I said, “No, thanks. I’m a girl.” I don’t like this song, but I like his performance. It’s very intense. It’s a great vocal. The judges loved it. They thought it was an unpredictable but amazing performance. Harry declared this the start of the competition.

Ryan gets Harry to autograph some Hope Floats soundtracks, and he says he’ll do it for $49.95. I’m not ashamed to say that I own that soundtrack and love it. That reminds me, if I were on this show, my song choice would be “Stop In The Name Of Love” a slow, emo version from that soundtrack.

MK is doing “To Make You Feel My Love”, also from the Hope Floats soundtrack. It’s very pretty, and Jen seems very intensely into it. The judges thought her performance included too many runs, but otherwise it was very good.

Next up is Alex doing a song from an Indie movie, of course. Nothing mainstream for Alex. Ya know, except this show. He’s doing “Falling Slowly” from the movie Once. It’s the exact type of song you’d expect to hear from Alex. It’s the type of song he’d write. He sounds beautiful, and he makes me and Jen a little teary. The judges loved it.

Malaya is doing “I Am Changing” from Dreamgirls. I was prepared to dislike this for whatever reason, but I liked it. She was great, and the judges love her. Keith calls her “baby”, and my girl parts do back flips.

Somehow, I completely missed Jena’s performance and had to rewind to find it. She’s singing “Decode” from Twilight. I don’t know it, but I like it. I thought she was better than Malaya. The judges all thought she was great.

It seems like a good idea to end the night with this picture.

American Idol XIII | Ryan Piano


Thursday Night: Results

Harry performs tonight and leave it to Ryan to use terms like “tickling” and “pounding” to talk about his piano playing. It’s a lovely performance. Just the type you’d expect from someone named Harry Connick Jr. Jazz isn’t really my jam, but he looks good doing it.

In-between commercial breaks, he changes out of his suit and back into his sexy pants. And then, you remember that audition where Harry held a guy while he sang? That guy is here. For reasons unknown. I guess just to be held by Harry again. I mean, I’d fly out to LA for that.

And the bottom 3 tonight are Majesty (what?!), Ben (WHAT?!), and Sam (GASP! WHAT???!!!!). This is madness. I’d rage and flip things, except I don’t want to bust my laptop. Sam is safe. Phew. The vote difference between Ben and Majesty is something like half a vote. I don’t know. Ryan uses some percentages, and I don’t feel like doing the math. So, Majesty is safe, and Ben is out. I’m outraged. Ben is awesome. He’s worth a save. His sing-out is a sad song; a song much better than yesterday. What is wrong with these people? Every week their sing-out is better than the original performance. Get your shit together in time, damnit. The judges discuss whether or not to use their save but decide not to. Throw some deviled eggs at them, Ben! Even some hard-boiled eggs. They’d deserve it. They’d all deserve it!

Ahem. Sorry. I suppose someone had to go, but I don’t think it should have been Ben. I’ll be sad to not see him on tour. That’s all for tonight. See ya next week!

About Patti Matteucci (265 Articles)
Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.
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