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American Idol XIII Recap: Top 6 – Rock ‘n’ Roll/Country

Previously, on American Idol: “Competitors’ Choice

There’s a shot of some people in the audience looking really bored, but I hear a lot of screaming, so I don’t know if these people are just ungrateful shits or if all the screaming is fake or what.

Tonight’s theme is “Rock ‘n’ Roll/Country”. Well, I guess that’s one way to not narrow it down.

Oh, I see what it is. They’re singing two songs each tonight: one country, one rock ‘n roll. That makes more sense. Good thing I figured that out before I told Randy Jackson to shut up, even though he’s nowhere in sight right now.

Jena is up first. This girl is a senior in high school, and I normally hate teenagers with fiery passions, but I love this girl. She’s singing “Barracuda” by Heart. The judges rock out with it. I love me some Heart, but this is kind of borderline for songs that are too rock for me. Keith calls it a great way to start the show. He thinks she’s set the bar very high for everyone else tonight.

American Idol XIII | Jena

Did somebody say boy band? Next up is Ryan taking a selfie with the band R5. I’m secretly/not-so-secretly twelve, so I’m always excited to discover new boy bands.

American Idol XIII | Ryan and R5

Next up is Sam. He’s singing “It’s Time” by Imagine Dragons. It’s a great performance that gives Jen “the goosies”. Oh, that girl and her words. Keith wants him to tap more into his real anger and frustration when he’s singing. Oh, and also, Sam is 18 now. I no longer feel pervy.

Next we’ve got CJ. He’s doing “American Woman”. I’ve always hated this song. The judges thought it was just “pretty good”. I didn’t pay much attention. I was Youtubing R5. Don’t judge me.

Alex is singing “Animal” by Neon Trees. The judges thought he did a good job, but something was missing. I thought it was kind of shaky and less Alex than any other performance he’s done. But it wasn’t a bad performance overall.

Caleb!! There’s little new to say about Caleb every week. He does the same great performance he always does in the same style he always does. Not a bad thing, there’s just not a whole lot more to say that I haven’t said every week for the past two months. Although, at one point during his performance, his mic flies out of his hand, rolls across the floor, and he grabs it up and starts singing without missing a beat. Jen is amused by this, and the audience loves him.

Oh God, Jessica is still here. Why do I keep forgetting this until I see her face? Wait, I think I hear someone calling my name. Brb.

Sam is first up in the country round. He’s doing “You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain. I love this song. He’s singing without his guitar. He looks kind of pukey without his guitar but sounds adorable, and this frees his hands up to go out and shake the hands of girls in the audience. I think I need to move to LA and become a professional Idol groupie. That’s a real job, right?

American Idol XIII | Sam

For some reason, this is happening:

American Idol XIII | Ryan and Grumpy Cat

And I have no complaints. That cat doesn’t have enough shits to give, and it’s adorable. Caleb kisses Grumpy Cat on the face, and Grumpy Cat is not impressed. So, instead, Caleb sings “Undo It” by Carrie Underwood. That’s such a weird choice for Caleb. But it’s actually pretty good.

Alex is doing “Always On My Mind”. This is a great song, and he does a very beautiful rendition of it. The judges all agree. Harry says he feels lucky to have heard that performance.

American Idol XIII | Alex

Jena’s country song is “So Small” by Carrie Underwood. This is an awesome song. Matt Giraud did it during his season, and I liked the recording better than the original even. Don’t tell Carrie I said that. There’s things she don’t need to know. She changes up the melody a bit, and even though I normally hate when people do that, it works pretty well. She slows it down, and it doesn’t really work for me (or Harry) BUT, she sounds wonderful, so it doesn’t even matter. If this girl isn’t in the top 2, then this show is the scam I’ve always said it was.

CJ’s round two is a song I’m not familiar with. Meh. It’s not that great. The judges don’t think so, either. They expected more from him. Harry tells him he needs to look at his competition and pick songs that can compete with that; not a mid-tempo song that doesn’t really go anywhere. CJ mentions that the song is dedicated to a girl who died in his hometown. It probably makes everybody feel salty, but it still wasn’t a great performance.

Jessica sings, but it doesn’t happen in front of my eyes. I fast forward until I see Randy Jackson holding Grumpy Cat.

American Idol XIII | Top 6

Thursday Night: Results

There’s a Ford commercial, some jokes amongst the judges and Ryan, and a lot of Randy Jackson needing to shut up. The bottom 2 are CJ and Jessica. Good calls on both. I hate Jessica and CJ wasn’t very good last night. And the one going home is… CJ. Oh, hell. One more week of fast forwarding through her. There’s a video package for him, and then he sings us out with “Can’t You See” while Jen weeps. This is an amazing performance; why didn’t he do this last night?! What’s wrong with these people? Fame must be blinding. See ya guys next week!

About Patti Matteucci (265 Articles)
Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.
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