Previously, on American Idol: “(I’m with the) Band!”
The show starts out with Seacrest and the judges carpooling to work in what looks like an old station wagon.
Then we are in the studio and Ryan is high fiving the audience. And then he’s high fiving Harry. Hey, remember that time he tried to high give a blind guy? That was awesome.
Tonight the contestants are performing the songs they originally auditioned with. This is clever. I’m surprised it hasn’t been done before.
First up is Jessica, my arch nemesis. Wait, no. I’m giving her too much power. I don’t even think about her unless she’s on the screen. Every week, I’m shocked when it’s her turn to sing. According to Jessica’s parents, she was a horrible baby who screamed and cried all the time. I am not surprised by this. She’s still a horrible person. I’m gonna fast forward through this.
Next up is CJ. He sounds great! Maybe he won’t get any criticism about being off key this week. The judges all thought he was great, because he was.
Harry and Ryan talk about what a ladies man they predicted Sam would be. Sam turns a dozen shades of red. Sam’s grandparents talk about Sam and the huge head he was born with. There hasn’t been a whole lot of explanation about why he’s being raised by his grandparents. But they’re cute together, running around these old people places together. Sam’s song is “Lego House” which is one of my current favorite songs right now. He sounds great and there’s lots of lamps behind him for some reason. Ryan makes them clap on-clap off. Harry thought it was his best performance. I agree.
Oh, apparently they’re doing duets tonight. I think I missed one. Caleb and Jena are performing together. I like it, but it’s still just filler. I don’t like watching a 2-hour show. I got another things to do, ya know? I mean, were David Cook here, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, but he isn’t, so we are.
Malaya’s dad looks about 2 years older than her. This girl is really great. I don’t know why I didn’t really notice her for so long. The judges mention her growth and how she’s blossoming into a star in front of our eyes, so maybe that’s why.
Next up we’ve got Dexter. He’s never really given a bad performance, I don’t think. He looked exactly the same as a baby as he does now, by the way. Just a little taller. His song is slow and emo. I love it. He sounds wonderful. I love this dude. Jen is uber-impressed by his performance. The rest of the judges thought it was great too. Also, Allison Iraheta sang back-up for him and she can’t remember what season she was on the show, but Ryan does. Cause he knows everybody. Keith calls him Rain Man.
Sam and Malaya perform together. They’re like little wedding cake toppers. They’re singing “Lucky” by Jason M’raz and Colbie Callait. Good choice, I suppose. Though they both seem awkward, and they’re like 12, so maybe they should be singing something other than how they’re supposedly in love with each other.
Jena is up next. She’s doing a slower version of “Rollin’ in the Deep“. I love this girl’s voice. This is pretty good. The audience loves her and Keith stands up for her. Everybody loves her.
Dexter and CJ are doing a duet. This is much better than a couple of kids pretending they’re in love.
Caleb is up next. There’s footage of him in his underwear as a kid running around with a cape on. He’s apparently always been a loud kid. He’s singing “Chain of Fools“. And very loud of course. As he does. This is an interesting rock rendition of this song. He sounds great as always. I don’t think he has ever hit a bad note in his life. I don’t think he even can. It’s not possible. The judges all love him.
Pimp spot tonight goes to Alex. As a kid, Alex begged for violin lessons. Then I guess he branched out to every other instrument in the world. There is a picture of a very young Alex holding an accordion.
He makes faces like he’s farting while he’s singing, but he sounds great. It’s an original song he’s singing too. This is a really great performance. I love it. The judges love it too.
That’s it for tonight! On to the results.
I can’t even guess who’ll be going home tonight because everybody was great. I can only hope for Jessica. Cause if she ends up in the top 3, I’m flipping all kinds of tables.
I’m just gonna skim through all the nonsense to get to the important stuff.
Oh wait, there’s Daughtry!! DAUGHTRY!! Waiting For Superman! Daughtry! I want to light a lighter and wave it in the air!
Back to fast forwarding… and the person going home is Sam! NOOO!! Not Sam!! He’s just a fetus!! Why do you hate me, Idol?!! WHY!?!!
His sing out is great, and the judges decide to… SAVE HIM!! Idol, you have redeemed yourself. There’s a high five between Sam and host and then for some reason there’s lots of confetti while Randy Jackson looks on from the sidelines. Sometimes I don’t know about this show. See ya guys next week!