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American Idol XIII Recap – Top 9: (I’m with the) Band!

Previously, on American Idol: “Billboard Top 10 Charts

The audience seems louder this week than ever. It’s possibly Keith Urban’s jeans but I can’t say that for sure.

This week’s theme is “I’m With The Band”, so we start out the show learning about Fallout Boy. I’m not sure how A connects with B, but there’s a lot of things I don’t know. Ryan calls it a rock star meet and greet. Fallout Boy is one of those bands I’m not sure how I feel about. They have a couple of songs that I absolutely love, but they have even more songs that make me go, “Um… what the hell are we listening to? Change it.” So anyway, Fallout Boy teaches them about what life on the road is like and then the contestants sing a medley of songs, including a Fallout Boy song. If you know me, you know I live for medleys, but this sucks. I’m not sure I wanna pay to see this during the summer tour.

American Idol XIII |Top 9

Up first is Alex. The “I’m With The Band” idea is that the band is on stage with the contestants and they’re playing with them as opposed to the band just being backup. Alex is doing “Don’t Speak”. Someone did a slow version of this once and it was awesome. I don’t remember who that was or if it was even on this show. Anyway, Alex’s version is pretty good. Not a style I’d be into, but it was definitely different than the original. The judges want him to move around more and maybe be a little more unpredictable, but overall thought he was good. Ryan calls him “brotha” and then rolls his pants up above his ankles. Oh, Ryan, you’re so white. Harry steals his shoes during these shenanigans, so Ryan has to finish things on stage barefoot.

Next up is Majesty. Her preschool kids love her and cheer for her in a video. She’s dressed older again. Damn, girl. Look young while you are young. Dress like an old maid when you actually become one. She’s doing “Shake It Out” tonight. I love this song. The original can suck it, but the Glee version is amazing. Majesty’s version is a close second. The judges thought the vocals weren’t the best but that the overall performance was great.

American Idol XIII | Majesty Rose

I just realized that Dexter looks like my brother only with black hair. It’s weirding me out a bit. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen my brother in a while. Hmmm… Anyway, tonight he’s singing “Boondocks”. I don’t like the song itself, but his performance is pretty great. Harry thought it was generic. Keith thought that had it been an original song of Dexter’s then it would have been a hit.

Next is Malaya. She’s so hyper. I bet she’s fun to hang out with. She’s singing “The Long and Winding Road”. It’s very pretty. Keith calls her baby and my ovaries fall down my pant leg. Jen compares her voice to a young Michael Jackson.

Sam is up next. We see a video of him performing at a place full of old people in Florida. He really does live in a retirement community, doesn’t he? I think this is the first time he left it. He’s singing “Hey There Delilah”. He’s wearing a hideous shirt and the stage is covered in candles. This is a fire hazard for sure. I hope nothing catches on fire, except maybe his shirt. Jen thought the song was perfect for him, though he needed to connect more. Harry thought this was most comfortable he’d ever seen Sam, but agreed that he didn’t connect with the lyrics as much.

American Idol XIII | Sam

Oh God, Jessica is still here? I thought I woke up from this nightmare. She’s doing “Rhiannon”. Vocally she’s very good. As long as I look away when she performs, I can handle it. But then I look at her, and I see evil, and anything good about it goes away. It was Harry’s favorite performance of hers. They other judges thought she was good vocally, but she didn’t do anything to draw them in and make people want to watch rather than just listen. I don’t think she can do that without cutting her head off. I think she should give that a try.

CJ is next. I’m not familiar with the song and I missed the title. It’s a pretty good performance. I like it. Again the judges tell him that he needs to work on his pitch problems. Keith thought the song was a clever choice but wants CJ to feel the emotions more.

Next up is Caleb doing “Dazed & Confused”. It’s exactly the type of performance you’d expect to come from Caleb. The judges give him a standing ovation. Jen says he “did his thing”. She thought it was a sexy performance, which is necessary for a front man of a rock group.  You know if you cut Caleb’s hair real short, he’d look like a little boy. It’d be adorable.

American Idol XIII | Caleb

The poor person who has to follow Caleb’s amazing performance is Jena. She’s singing “Bring Me To Life” by Evanescence. Harry thinks she followed Caleb just great. It was a great performance. Definitely deserving of the pimp spot. I really like Jena. I hadn’t thought much of her up until now. I’m gonna start paying more attention to her now.

If she gets the boot tomorrow, I’ll cut a bitch.


Thursday Night Results

Ryan Seacrest is extra adorable tonight.

Randy gives us his opinion of last night, and I fast forward, because, shut up, Randy.

Someone whose name sounds like she was on this show performs, and it’s embarrassing to everyone involved. I don’t know who approves this stuff.

Oooh, Elliot Stabler is in the audience.

The bottom 3 is CJ, Majesty, and Sam. NOOOO! And the person going home is…. Majesty. I like her, but her sing-out sucks. The judges decide not to save her. Sad.

About Patti Matteucci (265 Articles)
Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.
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