Previously on Game of Thrones, ‘Hardhome’
Jon Snow – The Wall
Jon returns to The Wall with the wildlings and Wun Wun. Alliser is not amused, but he opens that damn gate.
Inside, Jon says his mission was a failure, but Sam points out all the wildlings he saved as they enter the grounds of Castle Black. His brother-in-arms are not happy, and that includes Ollie. Everyone gapes at Wun Wun, who looks tired as fuck. You know he had to swim the whole way there.
“You have a good heart, Jon Snow,” Alliser growls. “It’s going to get us all killed.”
Arya – Braavos
Arya is preparing to carry out her mission with The Thin Man when she spots a boat docking at the pier. Mace Tyrell and Ser Meryn Trant have arrived in Braavos and they’re greeted by Tycho Nestoris. Arya ignores the calls of The Thin Man to follow the new arrivals throughout the town. As the men talk business, Arya works nearby, keeping one eye and ear on their conversation. Ser Meryn Trant looks around as well and spots Arya. He pays her a bit of attention, but clearly doesn’t recognize her and moves on.
That evening, Arya follows Trant and two of the capital’s guards to a Braavosi brothel. Arya is allowed to stay when one of the prostitutes shows an interest in her wares. She later spots Trant and his friends in a private room, where Trant is turning down several girls because they are “too old.” She has a close call when one of the guards spot her and instructs her to come into the room so they can purchase a few of her oysters. Again, Trant eyes her – paying her enough attention to make me nervous – but doesn’t seem to know who she is.
Once Arya is shooed away, she hides and watches as he finally settles on a girl and informs the madam he wants a “fresh” girl the next night.
Back at The House of Black and White, Arya lies to Jaqen and says The Thin Man wasn’t hungry, but maybe tomorrow. A man who drank from the fountain just moments before dies, and Jaqen tells Arya she has work to do. As she walks away, he watches her suspiciously.
Jaime – Dorne
Jaime is escorted to have lunch with Doran, Trystane, Myrcella, and Ellaria. He doesn’t approve of Myrcella’s revealing dress, but she’s all, “You’re not my dad!” Uh, he is. Also, she didn’t say that, but she totally brushes him off.
Jaime sits and talk turns to what his plan was in coming to Dorne. Jaime tells of the threat Cersei was sent, and Myrcella says the necklace was stolen from her room weeks ago. Anyway, Doran says they’re not going to war and he calls a toast for peace. Ellaria pours her wine on the floor in protest. No.Home.Training.
Since Jaime claims King Tommen wants his sister in the capital, Doran cannot deny his king. BUT he says Trystane will go with her and take Oberyn’s seat on the small council. This is all fine with Jaime, but not so much with Ellaria. She tells Doran he’s weak and he warns her to watch her damn mouth. Being Oberyn’s baby mama only gets you but so far. Now there’s the matter of Bronn. To prepare him for his future as an influential decision maker, Doran lets Trystane decide his attacker’s fate.
Areo Hotah interrupts a test of wills (and possible catfight) between two Sand Snakes when he arrives to retrieve Bronn. The sellsword indulges Tyene one last time by saying she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. Before the prince and Jaime, Bronn is happy to learn he’s been spared, but he’s not off the hook just yet. Areo hits Bronn in the face.
Later, Ellaria has to swear her loyalty to Doran or die. After a pause, she gets down on her knees to kiss his ring as tears fall down her face. The Sand Snakes watch helplessly. Doran tells Ellaria he believes in second chances, but not third chances.
Jaime is writing a letter (presumably to Cersei), when Ellaria enters his room. She boldly calls Myrcella his daughter twice, and calls him out for his relationship with Cersei. She’s not judging, just pointing out her relationship would Oberyn would have also been frowned upon in the capital. She then tells him she doesn’t think he or Myrcella played any part in what happened to Oberyn.
Ramsay and his 20 men hit Stannis’ camp Rainbow Six-style, stealing food and weapons, burning tents, and killing horses before anyone knows they were there. The screaming and panic interrupt Melisandre’s gazing into the fire quiet time. Yet, the next day, Stannis insists they’re still not turning back. Davos wonders what other option Stannis has, and the would-be king just eyes Melisandre and orders his Hand to carve the dead horses for meat. Oh, and the men on watch the night before are to be questioned and then hanged.
Later, Stannis instructs Davos to take some men and ride for Castle Black. He wants Jon to send men, food, horses, and supplies to Stannis. In return, when Stannis is king, he will make sure Jon has enough men to guard all 19 castles along the wall if he wants. Davos is confused, and doesn’t think it’s a job for The Hand, but Stannis reminds him his job is to do whatever Stannis tells him to do. Davos requests the company of Selyse and Shireen, but Stannis says his family will remain with him.
Davos visits with Shireen before he leaves and hands her a wooden stag. He wants to hear all about the book (The Dance of Dragons) she’s reading when he returns. She asks why she’s getting a present.
“Because you deserve it,” he replies. Though the audience is all, “Cause you in danger, girl.”
Later still, Stannis visits Shireen and she tells him the plot of the book: two Targayens fought and that split the realm – brothers turned on brothers and dragons fought dragons – their ambition left the realm in ruins. Foreshadowing!!! Talk turns to how hard it is out there for a usurper. Shireen wants to help her father, no matter what it is, for she is the Princess Shireen of the House Baratheon. Poor child has no idea her words sealed her fate and are the very reason she’s in danger. Stannis hugs his daughter and asks for forgiveness.
Shireen is holding her gift from Davos as Stannis’ men lead her through the snow. She spots Melisandre and a pyre, and knows at once what’s about to happen. She screams for her father as Melisandre coos assurances and the soldiers tie her to the pyre. Stannis watches, but out of sight of Shireen. As Melisandre recites her prayer and grabs a torch, Shireen continues to scream and cry for her father.
Selyse appears at Stannis’ side and claims this is for the best or they’ll all starve. But when Shireen calls for her mother, Selyse breaks and tells Stannis to call it off. He won’t. Selyse rushes to her daughter, but is held back by soldiers. She falls to her knees and watches as her daughter burns to death. When the screaming finally stops, Selyse wails.
Daenerys – Meereen
Daenerys is seated with Tyrion and Missandei, Daario standing behind her, waiting for the Great Games to begin. Hizdahr’s shady-ass shows up all late talking about, “I was just making sure everything was in order.” *side-eye*
Daenerys is to clap her hands to signal it’s time for the fighting to begin. She does so reluctantly. As the men before them fight, Daario, Hizdahr, and Tyrion debate the likelihood of a small guy beating a large guy in the pits. Daario has some fun showing off and making Hizdahr jump as he boasts about his fighting experience. Dany seems amused.
Meanwhile, the fighters in the pit are like Jennifer Beals that time in Flashdance when she was auditioning and the snooty judges were too busy being snooty to watch. It’s JUST like that.
After the fight between the two combatants ends with the smaller one getting his head chopped off, Tyrion and Hizdahr change the subject to how ethical the fighting pits are. Hizdahr, still being shady-as-fuck, makes a cryptic remark about Meereen’s traditions standing long after all of them are gone. Mmmhmm. I side-eyed his ass so hard I got a headache.
Then Jorah steps out and basically tells Tyrion, Daario, and Hizdahr to put their dicks away. He’s about to impress Deanerys or die trying. Hizdahr begins to say something to Dany, but Daario shushes him. After her shock wears off, Daenerys finally claps her hands to begin the next round.
You can see Daenerys’ internal struggle: she is still pissed and hurt by Jorah, but she doesn’t want to see him die. When it seems as if he might, Tyrion tells the queen she can stop it. Hizdahr says she can’t. Doesn’t matter because the man who was just about to kill Jorah is stabbed in the back. Now it’s just down to Jorah and his savior. Jorah finally wins and stares up at Daenerys. After a few moments, he tosses his spear in her direction and it lands in the chest of one of the Sons of the Harpy, who used the distraction to sneak up behind Daenerys.
As members of the crowd reveal they’re wearing Sons of the Harpy masks and begin stabbing spectators, Daario instructs the surrounding Unsullied to protect their queen. Jorah hops in the VIP box to help out. Hizdahr is about to show them a way out of the colosseum, but he’s stabbed in the chest a few times by a Harpy. Deanerys takes Jorah’s hand and trusts him to lead her to safety. Missandei and her fabulous curls are almost killed, but Tyrion saves her.
The royal crew make their way to a tunnel off the main floor, but the door to the exit is closed and locked. Jorah takes out another Harpy. They’re pushed back to the middle of the pit and surrounded by SoHs. Daario, Jorah, Tyrion, and the Unsullied do their best to fend off the attackers, but it’s futile. As Missandei and Daenerys hold hands and prepare to accept their fate, a screech is heard from the other side of the colosseum.
Drogon appears, roasting folks before landing directly on top of two SoHs. Drogon left all his fucks in Valyria. Most of the SoHs run away, but one poor asshole didn’t get the memo that dragons aren’t to be fucked with – like that one wildling who still charged at Stannis’ army when Mance told them to stand down – and rushes towards Daenerys. Drogon promptly snaps him up, bites him in half, and tosses both parts away. Then he starts flame-broiling motherfuckers, including one Unsullied who had the misfortune of standing too close to some SoHs. Oh, you thought I missed a fuck. Nope. Told y’all he had NONE TO GIVE.
A few SoHs get lucky and land a spear or two into Drogon’s back. Daenerys calls the dragon’s name, cautiously approaches him, and removes one of the spears. He turns on Daenerys and screams in her face, breath smelling all like hot garbage and Sons of the Harpy. Drogon be like, “Don’t be sneaking up on a brotha! Dag!”
He allows her to pet him, but their tender moment is interrupted when he’s stabbed again. Deanerys climbs on her dragon’s back and instructs him to fly. And he does, nearly trampling her friends in the process. As they soar away, all Daenerys’ court can do is watch.
“It’s cool. We’ll just catch the next dragon.”
Overall Thoughts & Questions:
- So, Doran totally sent that necklace to Cersei, right? That’s why he was so frustrated with Ellaria and the Sand Snakes because he already has something in motion. When he told Ellaria he believed in second chances, I think he was talking about her. But when he said he doesn’t believe in third chances, I think he’s referring to the capital and his siblings. They sent Ellia to the capital and she was killed, then Oberyn. He’s not sending his son there blindly. That’s why Ellaria went in there with a change of heart towards Jaime. She knows Doran has something brewing. Also, Ellaria looked shocked as shit when she heard of the necklace threat.
- I felt awful for Ellaria when she cried before Doran. This woman is grieving and acting out of anger. Doran is grieving too, but he probably has a more sophisticated plan for revenge.
- Can you imagine if THAT had been the first time Tyrion saw a dragon?
- Did you guys notice some of the people wearing masks were dressed like slaves while most were dressed like the masters?
- Also, did you notice the different types of fighters in attendance? When Daario is showing off, there’s one who looks just like Syrio Forel. While Daenerys, Hizdahr, and Tyrion banter, another fighter is shown to be a Dothraki.
- I don’t care if he might be dead – I still don’t trust Hizdahr’s raggedy ass.