Previously on Game of Thrones, “Book of the Stranger”
New Sansa; Old Catelyn
Baelish has better sense than to show up at The Wall seeking an audience with Sansa, so he sends a messenger and requests a meeting in Molestown. Sansa has better sense than to show up to a meeting with Littlefinger alone, so she brings Brienne. Sansa quickly puts off his attempts at apologies and explanations, and makes sure he understands the depths of the abuse she suffered at the hands of Ramsay. He claims he did not know what a savage Ramsay is, and I believe him. Maybe Sansa does as well, but she’s still – rightfully – pissed.
One thing she knows for certain is that he cannot protect her, even with the Knights of the Vale in his service. He reveals that her uncle, Blackfish, has retaken Riverrun and would certainly aid her attempt to reclaim Winterfell. Before he leaves, Littlefinger also emphasizes that Jon is Sansa’s half-brother.
The new and improved Sansa – more confident, ready to fight – later takes control of a strategy session with Jon and Davos. Despite Robb cutting off Karstark’s head, Sansa is sure they can depend on the family for support, but Davos disagrees. This plays out much like Catelyn trying to insert her will (oddly enough when cautioning against killing Karstark) with Robb and his bid for the throne. Sansa also displays a bit of Littlefinger influence when she lies about how she learned of Blackfish’s status in Riverrun.
Later, Brienne calls her on it and disagrees with Sansa’s decision to send her to Riverrun to meet with Blackfish. She also doesn’t trust Davos or Melisandre because Brienne holds grudges. Sansa trusts Jon and that’s all Brienne needs to know, yet she doesn’t have an answer for why she lied about meeting with Littlefinger. This suggests she believes Littlefinger knew nothing of Ramsay’s ways.
After Sansa presents Jon with a cloak she made for him, fashioned after their father’s, and after Tormund makes googly eyes at Brienne, they all leave The Wall for their respective missions: Brienne to Riverrun and Sansa and Jon to gather northern support. Edd is in charge of The Wall, which Jon pleads with him not to knock down while he’s gone.
That means that wall is definitely coming down this season.
A Girl is Not Amused
Arya is doing better in combat, but still getting her ass handed to her by the waif, who taunts her by calling Arya Lady Stark and insisting she will never be a Faceless Man. Jaqen thinks the waif may be right, and after a brief history lesson on the first Faceless Men who founded Braavos, he gives Arya her second and last chance. She’s to murder Lady Crane, a member of a troop of actors. If she fails, on the wall she goes.
Arya does a bit of recon, sitting in the audience of one of Crane’s plays. It’s a comedy about the events leading to the War of the Five Kings. She enjoys it when it depicts Robert Baratheon as a drunk oaf, but when it turns to Ned’s role… well, a girl is not amused. Ned is portrayed as a naive fool whose bid for the crown cost him his head. I see no lies.
Backstage, posing as a stagehand, Arya gets a good look at the cast and Lady Crane. We get a good look at penis of the actor portraying Joffrey in the play.
I see you, Game of Thrones, but the score is still roughly this:
Episodes: 55 | Penises: 4 | Boobs: 19,283,403 (Don’t ask how that number is odd.)
She reports back to Jaqen, sure she’s found a way to poison Crane, but she also asks way too many questions for Jaqen’s liking. Focus, Arya!
The Point is Kingsmoot
Yara makes her case for leading the iron born, but some of the men would rather be led by Theon. He keeps his word and supports his sister with a rousing speech, which almost does the trick… until Euron arrives.
I preferred him cloaked in shadow and dropping bars. Here, he’s decidedly less intimidating despite openly admitting he murdered his brother. He deserves the crown because he has a dick. No, seriously. He will woo Daenerys with his fleet of ships and penis. This is enough for the majority. While Euron is being sworn in by drowning, Yara and Theon make off with their supporters and Euron’s best ships.
Where could they possibly be headed?
A Queen Demands a Cure
Now that she’s safe, Daenerys forgives Jorah, who confesses his love for her and his Greyscale. He tries to part ways, but Daenerys won’t hear it. She commands him to find a cure and then return to her so he can be by her side when she takes the Seven Kingdoms.
Clearly this is more symbolic than literal. If he must go so as not to either infect others or harm them when he turns, why not say he’s out looking for a cure? And if he so happens to find one, he knows he’s forgiven and has a home with her once more. I like it.
In Meereen, there’s an uneasy peace thanks to Tyrion’s Deal of White Privilege. Unsatisfied, Tyrion insists the people must also know that Daenerys is responsible for these quieter times and the people’s faith in her needs to be restored. He calls for a Red Priestess from Volantis, but she requires no persuasion to spread the good word of Daenerys. She’s already a believer, which Tyrion knew. Varys isn’t as quick to agree to the alliance… until the Priestess reveals the intimate details of the how Varys lost his penis – he knows she’s right and so does Tyrion as he’s already heard the tale from Varys.
Looks like Daenerys can add the Dothraki and the followers of the Lord of the Light to her crew. Well, except for a certain Red Priestess at The Wall with a matching necklace.
Shut the Front Door!
During another vision, Bran learns the Children of the Forest created the first White Walker by a ritual in which they stabbed him through the chest, pushing a piece of dragonglass inside of him until his eyes iced over. Once he’s awake, Bran confronts Leaf, and she’s pretty much #SorryNotSorry.
Later, while The Three-Eyed Raven sleeps, Bran goes vision questing alone. He sees the army of the dead gathered before a large circular structure, stone fixtures, and a weirwood tree – where the first was created.
The Night’s King sees Bran, grabs his arm, marking him before Bran can awaken. The White Walkers not only know where Bran is, they can now enter thanks to his mark. It’s time to go and time for Bran to become The Raven, but first, they need to take one more quest in order to create Hodor.
While Bran watches as his grandfather sends Ned off to be Jon Arryn’s ward, the White Walkers arrive. Leaf and the other Children manage to keep the wights from entering through the cave opening with fire, but the White Walkers waltz right in while the wights begin to dig their way in via the mountain wall.
Meera cannot wake Bran, but he can hear her cries to warg into Hodor, which he does at the urging of the Raven while still in the vision. Hodor, now controlled by Bran, pulls Bran away, but not before Meera kills a White Walker, we lose a few Children, and Summer dies.
Can we stop killing the direwolves? Please!
The Night’s King kills The Raven, who bids Bran farewell from inside the vision. Leaf sacrifices herself so the others can get away. The make it out of a door in time, but Hodor has to use his body to keep it closed and the wights from escaping. As Meera yells at Hodor to “hold the door,” young Hodor sees Bran and hears Meera’s words.
He falls out in the Winterfell courtyard, his body seizing as he yells, “Hold the door” over and over again. Bran can do nothing. Meera continues to pull Bran to safety.
As the wights stab, bite, and rip at Hodor through the door, his younger self continues to convulse. “Hold the door” slowly gives way to “Hodor” over and over again.
Game of Thrones S6E5 = 8.5/10