Previously on Game of Thrones, “Stormborn”
Welcome to Dragonstone
Jon and Davos’ sea-Uber drops them off on the shores of Dragonstone where they’re greeted by Tyrion and Missandei. The welcome is warm and the request to hand over their weapons is swift. Jon agrees and they begin to make the massive trek up to the castle. Daenerys should really invest in some shuttle service cause this is ridiculous. However, this provides something I’ve been dying to see: a genuine Westerosi reaction to seeing live dragons. Jon and Davos did not disappoint.
Once inside, Missandei introduces Daenerys by her 50-leven names and Davos announces Jon as Jon. Just Jon. King in the Norf. What follows is the jockeying you’d expect from a Queen looking to usurp the current Queen with the help of a King in open rebellion of said current Queen. They each need the other, and even though Daenerys could take whatever she wanted with fire and blood, she’s trying to not go the Mad King route. She offers an apology for her family’s past transgressions against the Starks, but she still expects him to bend the knee. As a newly appointed King, Jon can’t just go bending the knee all willy-nilly, especially not without a guarantee of assistance from Daenerys. Their first meeting ends abruptly when Varys brings news of Euron’s victory at sea.
Speaking of, Theon is rescued by the surviving members of Yara’s crew and they know immediately that he went full Reek. What this means for his place in Daenerys’ alliance (or among his own people) is unclear.
Though Jon isn’t technically a prisoner on Dragonstone, he’s not allowed to leave either. He and Tyrion have a cliffside heart-to-heart and Tyrion urges him to ask for something a bit more reasonable. Daenerys didn’t come all this way to help him fight snarks and grumpkins. Tyrion takes Jon’s dragonglass request to Daenerys, who later agrees to allow them to mine it; she even offers any extra men or resources Jon may need. He doesn’t need to bend the knee… yet. Whether or not she truly believes his story about the white walkers and Night King is left unsaid.
Dany wants to go full dracarys in retaliation against Euron, but her council won’t let her. They still have the Casterly Rock attack in play.
Side note: Melisandre makes herself scarce when Jon and Davos arrive. She tells Varys her presence would only be a distraction and admits to making mistakes. She’s headed to Volantis, but she’ll be back as it is her fate to die in Westeros… as it is Varys’.
Euron presents his prisoners to Cersei, and of particular interest, of course, is Ellaria and Tyene. Cersei declares that with Euron leading their naval fleet and Jaime leading their army, they’ll bring peace to the realm yet. Euron’s like, “Yeah, yeah, what about that marriage?” Cersei promises his heart’s desire once the war is won and Euron is smart enough not to argue. I can’t help but think of Viserys’ insistence on getting his golden crown. Be careful what your heart desires, Euron. After one last inappropriate dig about sleeping with Cersei directed at Jaime, Euron takes his leave with Yara.
In the dungeon, once you saw Cersei in that bright-ass red lipstick, you had to know what was coming. Ellaria and Tyene are chained to opposite walls and gagged. Cersei monologues as Ser Gregor watches. Finally, she kisses Tyene just as Ellaria kissed Myrcella, delivering the same poison to her lips: The Long Farewell. Ellaria will live in that cell forever, watching her daughter die and then rot. As much as I didn’t want Cersei collecting any Ws, Ellaria had this one coming. You can’t be murdering people’s babies.
Cersei engages in some celebratory incest with Jaime, even going so far as to allow her handmaid to see Jaime in her bed the next morning. Much like Loras ignoring Margaery’s warning not to flaunt his relationship with Oly, I have a feeling this might bite Cersei in the ass later.
Tycho Nestoris (Mark Gatiss) arrives from Braavos wondering when Cersei is going to pay back the mountain of debt the crown owes the Iron Bank. She promises to return what they owe within a fortnight in exchange for his assistance in the wars to come. Where does she expect to get this money? Hold that thought.
Sansa’s in charge and making good decisions, so far. Predatory Littlefinger is still whispering in her ear, advising her to consider all things happening at once, all over, so she’s never surprised by any outcome. Wouldn’t you know it? Moments later, Sansa gets a surprise. Bran’s home!
And he just so happens to know everything that has ever happened, that is currently happening, and that will happen all at the same damn time. Soooo, does this mean we can kill Littlefinger now?
Bran insists it’s too hard to explain to Sansa what being the Three-Eyed Raven means, but doesn’t exactly try to use his words to explain it. Instead, he talks about the night she was first raped by Ramsay because he saw it. Understandably, Sansa goes back in the house. Good talk, Bran. Good talk. I hope he’s a bit less creepy when he tells Jon about his real parents. Like, don’t lead with, “I watched your mama bleed to death…”
The Citadel a.k.a Just Rub Some ‘Tussin on It
Guess who’s cured? It’s a miracle! Sam cured Greyscale. You know, that incurable disease they’ve been telling us since season two is… incurable? Yeah, that one. Now we know about two people who’ve been cured, by two different means. So, maybe they want to lower the threat level on this particular disease and get some maesters cracking on following directions in the This Is How You Cure Greyscale manual sitting on the shelves of the library, written by a man who also cured it twice. Just a thought.
Sam’s reward for going against orders and saving a man’s life? He’s not expelled from Hogwarts.
The impregnable Casterly Rock lives up to its name when the Unsullied storm its shores. Unfortunately for the Lannister army, Tyrion was in charge of designing the sewer system and created an entryway for his secret women to come, come again, and go. That’s right. The Unsullied take Casterly Rock because Tyrion got them to use the ho entrance.
Still, the battle is easier than they expected because most of the forces aren’t there. As Euron’s fleet burns the ships the Unsullied arrived in, Grey Worm wonders where the other men are… and just how the hell they’ll get home.
The rest of the Lannister forces are with Jaime and the Tarly army, taking over Highgarden. When Jaime finds Lady Olenna alone inside, she warns him that his sister is a disease and she’ll be his undoing. Of course, Jaime already suspects as much, but he doesn’t care. He loves her crazy ass. He serves Olenna a glass of poisoned wine and promises there will be no pain.
Good, she says, chugging the entire glass. She tells him she wouldn’t want to die like his son did. She had no idea the poison would be so painful when she plotted to kill the little cunt.
Leave your thoughts on the episode below or on our Facebook post for this review, and we’ll read them on tonight’s podcast.
Game of Thrones S7E3
"The Queen's Justice"
Starring: Kit Harrington, Sophie Turner, Maisie Williams, Emilia Clarke, Aidan Gillan, Peter Dinklage, Gwendolyn Christie, Rory McCann, Richard Dormer, Hannah Murray, Pilou Asbaek, Alfie Allen, Lena Headey, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Nathalie Emmanuel, Iain Glen, Paul Kaye, Liam Cunningham, Isaac Hempstead Wright, John Bradley, Kristofer Hivju, Conleth Hill, Daniel Portman | Directed by: Mark Mylod | Written by: David Benioff and D.B. Weiss