Previously on Game of Thrones, “The Spoils of War”
I’m Not Here to Murder; Unless You Don’t Listen… Then I’m Murdering You So Hard
Bronn again saves Jaime life by pulling him from the river and I’m still wondering why this man doesn’t have a castle yet. Bronn seems to be relying on the adage, “A Lannister pays his debts,” because he’s not letting Jaime die until he receives what he’s owed. However, he stops just short of sticking around for Daenerys to bring all three of her dragons to the next battle. Jaime better figure out a plan, but first he needs to tell Cersei about that time a dragon had him making life decisions. Drowning in a river is starting to sound better and better.
Meanwhile, across the river, Tyrion walks through the smoky ruins of the battle while the Dothraki rummage through the debris like they’re at a yard sale. Daenerys offers the captured Westerosi soldiers an opportunity to bend the knee. She tells them she’s not like Cersei, and has no interest in murdering them unless they refuse to swear fealty. Tyrion tries to quietly talk her out of this approach and between this and his botched plans at the start of this season, I’m thinking Tyrion wants to get Scaramuccied.
Randyll Tarly refuses to bend the knee, and not because he doesn’t want to be seen as switching alliances twice in one week, but because he’s a bigot who doesn’t think a woman who wasn’t born there (through no fault of her, I might add) should rule, especially one with an army of brown folk. He won’t even take the black when Tyrion suggests it because Daenerys is not his queen and doesn’t have the authority to send him, but really he’s just afraid to face the son he threatened to murder because he’s overweight and can’t fight. Also, Daenerys is offering to make sure all people prosper in Westeros, not just the rich, but Randyll Tarly is all about Making Westeros Great Again, which means shitting on brown and poor people while he’s allowed to be the fucking worst because of his privilege and money.
Dickon refuses to kneel as well, even though being sentenced to death means the end of his house. Man, we’re clearing out so many houses these past two seasons! One “Dracarys” later, and the Tarlys are dead, and all the men who had still refused to kneel do so with the quickness.
When Daenerys returns to Dragonstone, Jon is there to witness her badass “I’m on a motherfucking dragon” landing. I’m surprised he didn’t bend the knee right then and there. Instead, he pets Drogon, who allows it because dragon game recognize Targaryen game. Daenerys explains that her dragons are like her children, and I’m convinced we’re gonna lose a dragon this season. It.better.not.be.Drogon. My money is on Viserion since he’s named after a twat.
Jorah shows up just in time to interrupt a moment between Daenerys and Jon because he’s had years to hone his friend zone cock blocking skills. He’s maxed that attribute out. Dany is happy to see he’s cured and welcomes him back to her inner circle.
Tyrion and Varys talk about recent events, with Tyrion making excuses and Varys expressing concern that Daenerys could end up like her father without wise counsel to guide her. Tyrion drinks more wine. He’s been through some shit so I’ll allow it.
Jaime reports their loss to Cersei, and she thinks they still stand a chance if they buy mercenaries with all that stolen gold. Besides, she doesn’t think Daenerys will accept a peaceful surrender by the woman who sits on her father’s throne and the man who stabbed Daenerys’ father in the back. Perhaps Tyrion can talk Daenerys into it as a way to make up for killing Joffrey? Jaime then corrects Cersei and tells her about Lady Olenna’s confession. She doesn’t believe it until he points out that even she wouldn’t want a granddaughter of hers marrying Joffrey over Tommen. This convinces her because Cersei knows her son wasn’t shit. She knows what she raised! She’s prepared to fight and die instead of surrender and die, and implies Jaime ain’t ’bout that life if he doesn’t feel the same. Why does he love this hateful woman?
Bran is busted spying on the Night King and his army while warging into a raven. The Night King senses Bran’s presence and the connection is broken; probably because Bran shat himself, which is what I would have done. Bran tells his Maester that they need to send ravens. Lots of raven. Nobody likes spam, Bran!
Arya watches as Sansa holds court and listens to the northmen’s concerns with Jon leaving. They wonder if they shouldn’t have followed Sansa instead. To her credit, Sansa instructs them all to calm down and have faith in Jon. Alone with Sansa, though, Arya calls Sansa out for not shutting down the anti-Jon talk more strongly. She also side-eyes the fact that Sansa is residing in their parents’ chambers. Sansa has always liked nice things and lording over people; would she throw Jon under the bus in order to lead the North? Arya suspects the answer could be yes.
Later, Arya spies on Littlefinger as he receives, and then hides, a scroll from Maester Luwin’s records. Supposedly, this is done on Sansa’s behalf. Arya finds the letter, which is the one Sansa wrote under duress in season 1. It says that she believes her father to be a traitor and that she wants Robb to bend the knee to Joffrey. Oh, man. We gotta be one step closer to Arya killing that which needs killing, right? Hopefully, yes, even though it appears that Littlefinger set Arya up to find the letter.
Bran’s raven about the movement of the army of the dead arrives at the Citadel — because season 7 unlocked fast travel mode — and the maesters doubt its validity. Maybe it’s Daenerys trying to trick the houses to send their armies to the wall, leaving Westeros easier for her to take. Sam ain’t tryna hear that and tells them they have the ability to make all the difference and that the White Walkers are real. He leaves uncertain of what they’ll do, but they do agree to write back for verification.
While Sam studies, Gilly shows off her newfound reading skills by pointing out some things she learned from an old maester’s journals. One interesting tidbit is that Rhaeger Targaryen had that maester annul his marriage to Elia Martell and marry him to Lyanna Stark immediately after. Sam doesn’t hear all of this because he’s too busy thinking about how the maesters ain’t shit and how he should probably just go back to Castle Black with a load of stolen books from the library. So, that’s what he does.
In all fairness, I too zone out when Gilly starts talking.
Back at Dragonstone
Bran’s raven delivers the news of his and Arya’s return to Winterfell and the Night King’s movements. They devise a plan in which Davos will smuggle Tyrion into Kings Landing to have a secret meeting with Jaime so he can convince Cersei into a meeting.
Jorah and Jon intend to go beyond the wall to capture a wight to present to Cersei at said meeting, and hopefully get her to realize that they need to call a cease fire while they focus on the bigger threat.
Back at Kings Landing
Tyrion heads to his meeting with Jaime (arranged by Bronn), while Davos goes into Flea Bottom. Jaime is willing to listen, but he’s still in his feelings over Tyrion killing their father. Yet, he doesn’t want to talk about Tyrion’s feelings and would rather he just get to the point.
Davos finds Gendry working at his old job and looking like Christian Bale. He wants Gendry to come with him, and Gendry immediately agrees because he had a feeling he was meant to be doing something more important.
When Jaime presents Tyrion’s offer to Cersei, she reveals she knew about the meeting because she knows all of the important things going on in the city… except the fact that her dead husband’s son has been right under her nose. She’s willing to listen to Daenerys, but only because she knows they’re at a strategic disadvantage and losing; going along gives her time to come up with a clever way to defeat Daenerys and it’s what her father would do. She vows to fight whatever stands in their way because she’s pregnant and has no problem letting the realm know her brother is the father. Cersei warns Jaime to never betray her again. Why does he love this woman?!
Before Davos, Gendry, and Tyrion can leave, they’re stopped by two gold cloaks. They were cool with accepting a bribe to let Davos and Gendry as smugglers, but when they see and recognize Tyrion, Gendry has to bring the hammer down. Literally. On their faces. Awww! He’s just like his daddy.
One would think if Cersei knew about the secret meeting, she’d have informed her gold cloaks to not confront any dwarf they come upon. This would have saved those two guards’ lives, but Cersei is just raggedy.
Back at Dragonstone, Again
Before Davos introduces Gendry to Jon, he warms him not to reveal that Robert was his father. Gendry agrees, but spills all the tea the moment he meets Jon. They bond over being the bastard sons (Well, not Jon; not really) of two best friends. So, now they’re best friends. That’s how it works, right? Gendry wants to go with Jon beyond the wall, and… yeah, they’re probably going to be besties.
Daenerys says goodbye to Jorah and Jon, and it’s clear she’s smitten AF with the latter. Poor Jorah.
Tormund has trouble keeping the queens straight and asks Jon if his plan to capture a wight is so that he can convince the one with the dragons or the one who fucks her brother.
“Both,” Jon admits.
Seems they’re not the only ones looking to go beyond the wall. Tormund shows his visitors the men they’ve got locked up in their cells and it’s none of other than The Hound, Beric Dondarrion, and Thoros of Myr. Everybody got trust issues:
- Gendry doesn’t trust The Brotherhood Without Banners because they sold him to Melisandre.
- Tormund doesn’t like the fact that Jorah is the son of the Lord Commander who hunted the wildlings for years.
- Jon knows The Hound used to work for the Lannisters.
In the end, it doesn’t matter. Jon needs as many men as he can get to defeat the Night King. The new magnificent seven leave, and this is the most hype I’ve been since the last time Game of Thrones made me whoop and holler… which was last week.
Send a Raven (and other bits of note)
Interesting that Jon didn’t advise Dany to attack the convoy last week. He admitted to not knowing how he felt about Daenerys killing a lot of her enemies, but that’s something he should or would have considered if he was the one to suggest it. What she did was an acceptable part of war (as much as you can accept that war is a thing). It’s not like she pulled off the Red Wedding.
Oh, Rhaegar. How you gonna marry your mistress in your wife’s hood.
So many great team-ups! I’d wished for one with Tormund, The Hound, Beric, Thoros, Jon, Jaime, Bronn, Arya, Brienne, Yara, and Theon fighting the White Walkers just the other day, but I had no idea I’d actually get a version of it and certainly not as soon as next week!
But with the team-ups and reunions comes the bringing up of old shit, and I was here for every petty (and not so petty) moment. Davos reminded Tyrion that he killed his son with wildfire at Blackwater. Tyrion reminded Jorah of the time he talked slavers out of killing them.
I see a lot of people think Cersei is lying about the pregnancy, but I don’t believe that’s the case. Mainly because right before Jaime entered the room, Qyburn was offering to give Cersei something that could “take care of it” and she tells him it won’t be necessary.
When will we admit that the Northmen kinda ain’t shit?
Jon is legit, y’all!
I really hope this issue between Arya and Sansa resolves quickly. Littlefinger started of all this, and played a huge part in what happened to the Stark family. It only seems right that they’re the ones to bring his downfall. I think that Arya and Sansa have learned so much over the past few seasons and they’re too smart for Littlefinger to get away with this type of crap now. The implication that Sansa does want Winterfell for herself to rule has been there, but just because it’s something she wanted or considered doesn’t mean she’ll actually betray her family to make it happen. At least, that’s what I’m hoping. Here’s to Bran finally downloading his complete Littlefinger file and exposing him for the asshole he is.
Leave your thoughts on the episode below and we’ll read them on tonight’s podcast.
Game of Thrones S7E5
Starring: Kit Harrington, Sophie Turner, Maisie Williams, Emilia Clarke, Aidan Gillan, Peter Dinklage, Gwendolyn Christie, Rory McCann, Richard Dormer, Hannah Murray, Pilou Asbaek, Alfie Allen, Lena Headey, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Nathalie Emmanuel, Iain Glen, Paul Kaye, Liam Cunningham, Isaac Hempstead Wright, John Bradley, Kristofer Hivju, Conleth Hill, Daniel Portman | Directed by: Matt Shakman | Written by: David Benioff and D.B. Weiss