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King of the Nerds – S2E5 – Trek Wars

Previously, on King of the Nerds: “Ready, Set, Robot Dodgeball

The remaining nerds mourn Zack’s win, and Xander uses the girl’s bathroom in his unicorn slippers.

King of the Nerds | Xander's unicorn slippers.

Today’s challenge, as you might guess from the title of the episode, is Star Wars versus Star Trek. They will have to debate the age old question! Kayla and Zack rock, paper, scissors it to decide which team will represent which side. Zack wins and chooses Star Wars, which causes Kayla to run off in joy speaking in Klingon. Oh, I’d love to hang with these people–except that, if I hear “Trek” pronounced as “track” one more time, I’m gonna wash that person’s mouth out with soap.

They’re given a list of statements they have to split up betwixt themselves and prepare a debate for. Jack asks the question, “What is an Enterprise?” I assume I’m just having a stroke and he didn’t really say that, but then he follows that question with “What is the Millenium Falcon?” and I know that it’s not me. The room is filled with silence, and nobody answers these questions because no one’s ever had to before, and they don’t know how. Is this what muggle life is like? Not knowing anything about anything? Zack and Jack sit alone while Zack fills him full of all the Trek and Wars knowledge he knows.

King of the Nerds | Trek Wars

By the way, I hate when people say that Star Wars is the better franchise (or vice versa) when they actually have ZERO knowledge of the other franchise. You should at least see both and be familiar with both before you make a proclamation that one is better than the other. Also, Star Trek is better. Just sayin’.

The judging panel consists of a debate coach I don’t know, a comedian I don’t know, and Billy Dee Williams. [Editor’s note: The other judges are comedian Kumail Nanjiani and the head of USC’s Debate and Forensics Program, Gordon Stables.]

King of the Nerds | Judges

The first topic is Katie versus Kayla debating if the USS Enterprise would beat the Millennium Falcon in a dogfight. Kayla argues for it, and Katie argues against. They both make good arguments. I mean, I assume Katie does. She talks so fast I can’t understand her, but the audience laughs and the judges seem engaged. Katie wins the argument.

Second topic. Zack argues that the Empire is a more dangerous adversary than the Borg, while Chris argues against. Zack gives a good argument without losing his damn mind as usual. Chris gives a good argument as well. Chris wins the debate; not necessarily because he’s right, but more because he argued his argument better. Which, I suppose is what debate is all about.

Next up is Brian versus Jack. Poor Jack and his lack of Ewok knowledge. He argues that the Star Wars universe is better than the Star Trek universe. He’s mostly rattling off statistical facts, but the audience loves it. Brian’s voice sounds exactly like Virgil’s from last season. I like that. I still wish he’d shave, though. It’s hard to say who gives a better debate, but then Jack admits he hasn’t seen either movie and is booed off the planet. So, Star Trek wins.

King of the Nerds | Debate

The winning team gets to eat Little Caesar’s pizza with the cast of Revenge of the Nerds. The losing team decides to vote Katie into the nerd-off because she’s a traitor. She’s more loyal to her original team than her new team. The other team votes Jack into the nerd-off, but tells him that if he votes Zack in instead of Katie they’ll help him beat Zack. I personally think they should keep up the pattern of voting Zack in until he’s gone. He votes for Katie instead, so it’s her against Jack.

The nerd-off is a spelling bee. Oh, I would rock this.

Oh, never-mind. They give a definition, and you have to find the word and then spell it. Though I’m a quick speller, my recall is not quick enough for this. Also, I’m clearly not nerd enough, as these are all words prevalent in the nerd world. The twist to this game is that if you get a word wrong, you have to pick someone to shock and/or electrocute. Is that safe? How come no one  is picking Zack?

King of the Nerds | Parseltongue

Jack wins 5 to 4. I like Katie. I’m sad she’s leaving… but I don’t really care, actually. I’m not attached to anyone this season. Katie leaves and then Bobby pushes a button to make her explode. Ciao, Katie.

King of the Nerds | Cast elimination

Next week, lasers and George Takei in a cage.

About Patti Matteucci (265 Articles)
Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.
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