Previously, on Once Upon a Time: “Nasty Habits”
The Book of Hook
Hook, formerly known as Lieutenant Cillian Jones, is in the King’s navy. He is an idealistic young seaman. Cillian, his brother Captain Liam Jones, and their crew set forth on a secret voyage aboard the Jewel of the Realm, guided by the sextant; a set of directions-2nd star to the right and straight on till morning, and propelled into flight by a sail made from the wings of Pegasus… Yep. You read that correctly. Pegasus. The brothers make their way to land and open the secret envelope that reveals their mission. It is an image of a plant, dreamshade. Pan appears, as he is known to do, Liam dismisses him as just a child even when he warns the Brothers Jones the deadly nature of the plant. Pan may be the worst magical creature ever but he isn’t a liar. Hook takes Pan’s words to heart and is disgusted that their king would send them on such a dishonorable journey. Liam marches on and decides to show his little brother that dreamshade is not poisonous. ANNNND he is wrong. Mainlining dreamshade is not the move. Pan appears again revealing a dazzling waterfall, its waters are what keep everyone in Neverland so youthful and drinking directly from the source can cure what ails you, but with any magic, it comes with a price. Cillian takes his chances and gives his brother a drink. HE’S ALIVE! They hurry back to the ship and escape from Neverland. Liam dies during the voyage. Cillian abjures the realm and sets ablaze the Pegasus sail. He renames the ship, The Jolly Roger and declares himself a Pirate, because at least pirates have a code. Captain Jones (he still had two hands) is born. I was expecting the guy-liner to appear magically when he declared piracy, but alas, it did not.
Back In Neverland
Hook is trying to woo Emma; Papa Charming is being a c-blocker. More and more Charming is revealing himself as a Frat Boy d-bag that no one likes, okay that I don’t like. Continually lying to your family is not being honorable. The Scooby Gang has decided to set a trap to catch a lost boy and send a message to Henry. However, they need vines to use as rope. Lots of rope. The boys go in search of “rope” while the girls sit around, gab, and cross-stitch. In the search for rope, Hook and Charming stumble upon the military badge with the name Jones. It was Liam’s. Hook tells charming of the sextant that could break the code to Neal’s map. Charming is on board to find the sextant to save his family. Snow, Emma and Regina set a trap for the Lost Boys.
Hook and Charming face a perilous journey to find the sextant. Hook has another run in with Pan. Pan makes him a deal: Kill Charming and I will let you leave Neverland; you can even take one person with you. Hook neither commits nor rebukes the offer.
Charming makes his way to the top of the cliff after over hearing Pan and Hook, he takes a swing at the old boy and finds himself splayed on the ground from the effects dreamshade and overexertion. Hook led Charming to the mystical falls and the waters that saved Liam’s life. He fetches some water and gives Charming a choice. Die here or live here…forever. Charming chooses to live, on Neverland, forever, abandoning his family. How noble. He thanks Hook. Hook the beguiling so and so that he is, says: I didn’t do it for you, mate.
Regina and the girls snag a Lost Boy. He has a cut on his face. Earlier in the day Henry, Pan and the Lost Boys were playing a swashbuckling game. Henry imagined his stick was a sword and magically it was he lunged at a Lost Boy and sliced his face. Ever apologetic, Henry is confused by his actions. Pan assured him, everything is cool Lost Boys almost kill each other all the time. R. E. & S. confront the boy and try to convince him that he misses home. Regina even offers the kid some candy. He refuses. They decide to rip out his heart and let Regina do her puppet-master trick to send Henry the message that they are in Neverland and will save him. The Lost Boy returns to the camp and hands Henry a mirror. R.E. & S. are reassuring young Henry that they will find him and save him. He looks relieved and hopeful.
The Scooby Gang is back together again. Charming gives Snow the smooch of a lifetime. Regina, Emma and the audience throw up a little in their mouths. Charming reveals they did not find the sextant but Hook saved his life, he proceeds to tell ANOTHER lie about being attacked by a gang of Lost Boys and Hook fending them off. Uhhh OK. Keep digging that hole. Hook nods and Regina is suspicious.
The group splits, Hook and Emma find themselves together. He is hinting at some sort of appreciation for saving her father. They kiss passionately, one of those kisses that stops time; takes your breath away and makes you tingle and feel lightheaded. Emma tells Hook it was a one shot deal. Pan appears post smooch and bursts hooks bubble. Neal is alive.
Rene, I mean Neal is still sleeping soundly in his cage. Pan has the Lost Boys string him up in a tree along with the other one. The other what? There is a very active cage in the tree beside him. Tink? Rumple? Boatswain Smee?
Next week, a little mermaid action with Ariel and Ursula; I wonder if we get some Sebastian and Flounder, too. Undah dah sea…