Previously on Orange is the New Black, ‘The Chickening’
Figueroa confronts Mr. Caputo with a picture of a vagina found on the internet. She knows the poontang was from their prison because of the bathroom floor tile. She wants him to figure out how the photo was taken and put a stop to it.
Taystee is pissed because the white girls in the TV room have been watching Toddlers & Tiaras all day and she wants to watch The Discovery Channel. She complains to Healy, who is all stressed out after being confronted with the prison poon pic that he agrees to give her complete control of the TV remote if she’ll just get out of his face. Every parent is familiar with this tactic. Do not judge us.
Everyone Has Shit
Piper is meeting with her mom and it isn’t going well. Her mom is being her usual self and refuses to believe that Piper is anything like the other women in the prison. After all, Piper was a debutante. In a great moment of self-awareness, Piper tries to tell her mother that she’s in there because of her own bad decisions and it’s no one’s fault but her own. It falls on deaf ears.
After visiting hours are over, Nicky points out how nice it is that Piper’s mother visits at all. When Piper tries to brush it off as annoying, because her mother is annoying, Nicky tells her not to say ungrateful things like that.
“Everybody has shit,” says Piper.
“Some people’s shit smells better than others,” Nicky replies.
Because Caputo wants to make sure a corrections officer isn’t smuggling in a phone and behind the Poon Pic, he’s checking all of their belongs before they go into work. Seeing this, Pornstache stashes drugs in his trunk.
Through a flashback, we learn that Nicky suffered a heart condition because of her heroin use. Her mother is there in the hospital when she awakens from a surgery, but the two fight and she leaves.
Daya approaches her mother in the yard and slaps the shit out of her. Guess she found out what her mom did with John in the closet. Aleida’s friends separate the two and they walk off.
Caputo interviews all of the COs and explains that a Poon Pic was found on a website devoted to incarcerated coochie. John looks uncomfortable because he feels guilty about his feelings for Daya. Pornstache is just worried that this will fuck up his drug flow. And it’s clear that Caputo has a crush on the female officer, Susan.
Meanwhile, the women and all of their problems is stressing Healy the fuck out. In an effort to stop all of the complaining, or at least organize it to a manageable level, he announces that he’s going to reinstate the Women’s Advisory Council. What’s that?
We find out what the WAC is during the most racist lunch ever. In the cafeteria we learn that one woman is voted to be on the council by the group she’ll represent. There’s a white rep, a black one, a Hispanic one, the religious group’s rep, and then the old folks are lumped in with the other nobodies. Piper points out that it doesn’t seem like such a good idea because not all black women want the same thing, not all white women want the same thing, etc. No one has time for that logic. They’re all too busy sitting around saying racist shit about all of the other groups.
Nicky is all butthurt that Red appointed Morello the candidate to represent the other whites. When Nicky asks her about it, Red says that Morello is better suited for the job. They’re interrupted by Pornstache who walks around making a mess and then threatens Red because his shit can’t in the jail and it’s messing up his slinging business. Meanwhile, Red’s contraband seems to be getting in just fine.
Sweetest Blow Job Ever
Daya and John meet in the closet. He’s still freaked out about Caputo’s talk. He swears nothing happened between him and Aleida. Then they kiss all passionate and stuff. Daya starts to go down on him, but tries to stop her. We learn that he’s been hiding that he’s missing half a leg. Daya kisses his stump and then gives me the sweetest blow job ever.
After getting Piper’s help in picking a dress for his wife, Healy tries to convince her to run for WAC, but Piper is all about laying low.
Nicky and Alex continue to form a friendship after Alex notices Nicky’s heart surgery scar after she showers. Piper calls out to Alex when she sees them talking, but after Alex gives her hardly more than a glance, Piper rushes out of the bathroom.
THEN I find out that Polly is not Piper’s sister (as I said in the last recap), but her best friend (which is what I think I referred to her as in the recap of episode 1). Either way, Piper calls Polly and they kiss and make up. I really loved that scene because it was a very realistic depiction of best friends.
While everyone is listening to the speeches giving by the candidates, Piper realizes she can go to the bathroom and pee in peace. While she’s in the stall, she hears a phone vibrating. She finds it behind one of the wall tiles. She checks the photos on the phone and see the Prison Poon!
Later, while Larry visits, he tells her that his editor approached him about writing a newspaper article about his experience with having a fiance in jail. Piper doesn’t really like the idea, but admits she needs time to process it. She tells Larry about the crazy lady who is always using the stall in which she found the phone. The woman isn’t crazy after all! She’s in there talking to her man, Diablo. Now that Piper has access to a phone, Larry wonders if Piper will send him Prison Pussy Pics.
Daya and John talk and she tells him that she has always felt different and liked things most people find different, like him with his missing half a leg. These two continue to be awkward and adorable.
Through a flashback, we learn that Nicky and Red are so close because Red helped Nicky detox after she first arrived.
And in a shocking twist, Piper wins the seat on the WAC, even though she didn’t run for it.