Previously on Orange is the New Black – ‘WAC Pack”
Real Potatoes, Not That Boxed Shit
Janae’s out of solitary for mouthing off about the missing screwdriver. She’s been gone for two weeks. Morelli fills her in on all that she has missed, but after all she’s been through, Janae just wants to know if Red can make the mashed potatoes from scratch for dinner.
Via a flashback, we learn that Janae was a faster runner, faster than all of her friends on the playground. And while she was just being herself, the boys saw it as showing off and paid more attention to the girls who allowed themselves to be caught.
Ladies of the WAC
The ladies of the WAC meet with Healy, who presents them with Dunkin’ Donuts. They all – minus Chen – have requests, which Healy writes down, but then tells them they have a tight budget and that if they want coffee and doughnuts at their little pow-wows, they’ll have to forego all the requests.
This is cool with everyone but Piper. Later, Piper gets friendly with the hidden phone, using it to play a video game and ignoring the incoming dick pics.
Meanwhile, Pensatucky is pissed that Piper won over her. She’s talking mad shit in the laundry room which earns her dirty looks from Alex.
Anne Frank in the Kitchen
Red reveals to Claudette (who’s been busy in the library pouring over law books) that because Pornstache is acting like an asshole, she has to hide all of the good shit they’re not supposed to have.
Janae and Piper are wiggling through the vents trying to find the source of a non-working light, or something. When Piper starts being SUPER nice to Janae, Janae realizes that Piper must have been the one who swiped the screwdriver. She’s not happy.
At home, Polly, her husband, and Larry are out at a bar talking about all the things going on with them. Larry feels guilty about complaining about things when Piper’s in prison, but Polly points out that they can be sad about their shit and still feel bad that Piper’s in jail. She has a point, but I still don’t like her.
Healy’s Mail Order Bride
Healy has dinner with his wife and mother-in-law and it turns out, his wife is a mail-order bride! She’s Ukranian and doesn’t speak English at the table because then Healy would know how much she doesn’t really like him. She’s pretty fucking awful.
Janae is doing jumping jacks and shit while everyone else in the ghetto is trying to sleep. Since they took away the outdoor track, she needs to get her exercise in somehow. The other inmates ain’t about that life and yell at her to take her ass to bed. Things get tense and Yoga Jones tries to talk to her about why she’s so angry, but Janae shuts it down my insulting her until YJ hauls off and sugar snap slaps the shit outta her.
Taystee Preps For Parole
Taystee has a parole hearing coming up and there are some funny scenes as she tries to figure out what kind of hair she’s going to have (she went with black best friend in a movie) and what she’s going to say about how far she’s come.
Healy tells Piper that if she can find the secret cell phone, he’ll approve her WAC requests. She brings him the phone, saying she found it in a trashcan, but he goes back on his word claiming he can’t until she finds out who had the phone as well.
Alex is sick of Penstatucky’s shit and tells her she needs to keep her mouth shut when it comes to Piper. “Or what?” Pensatucky asks. Alex says she’ll sneak into her bunk at night and lick her cootie cat so good, she’ll be ruined. Damn. That’s some good stuff if you can ruin a bitch for Jesus!
Janae Runs Into Trouble
Via flashback, we see that Janae grew up to be a great athlete, on her way to getting track and field scholarships. But she bothered by the fact that boys didn’t pay attention to her. She goes to a ghetto-ass house party and is promptly booted by the guy who pretty much runs the thugs throwing the party. He tells her she doesn’t belong there and that she’s the real deal. He offers to help buy her sneakers or anything else she needs. She ain’t gotta go home, but she gotta get the hell up outta there.
She leaves, but stops to talk to a thug who is not nearly as nice. Later, she ends up doing robberies with him and when they’re running from the scene and he asks her to slow down, she does (something she didn’t do when she was younger and the boys accused her of showing off) but that causes her to get busted while the boyfriend gets away.
Caputo tells Fisher that he thinks Healy had the phone all along. She blows that off as crazy talk. Later, Caputo has the track opened back up and tries antagonizing Healy.
Healy watches as Janea and Piper run around the track. Janea is in her element. She makes sure to point out to Piper that “this don’t make us even.”
Other bits of note from this episode: John and Daya make goo-goo eyes at each other, Taystee heads into her parole hearing looking adorable, and Piper realizes she went to school with the female guard that Caputo is crushing on, and treated her pretty crappy. Also, for some reason, Big Boo gets a dog.