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Pretty Little Liars – S5E9 – March of Crimes

Previously on Pretty Little Liars, ‘Scream For Me’


Hanna is drinking so much that she might as well have a haze of alcohol fumes around her wherever she goes. She is over Alison staying at her place claiming that even the doorknob smells like her. We never get an answer to Spencer’s question, “Why are you smelling the doorknobs?” but that’s cool.

Spencer reaches out to Caleb and tells him that Hanna is pretty much a hot mess right now and maybe he shouldn’t be giving her alcohol. When he later presses Hanna as to why she’s not attending Ella’s engagement party, she admits that Zach hit on her. He heads straight to The Brew and confronts Zach, who produces a note from Hanna (most likely written by A) in which she hit on him. Caleb pops him in the mouth and leaves.

Pretty Little Liars S5E9 Hanna and Caleb


Spencer has an appointment with an eye doctor to check the damage done when she was trapped in stable stall. While there, she worries her eyes are worse than she thought when she spots TWO Jennas. Turns out it’s Sydney who is, for some strange reason, dressed exactly as Jenna. Emily and Spencer confront the two demanding to know when they became friends. Jenna says it’s none of their business and leaves.

After Emily spots Noel listening to a recording of an Alison/Shana conversation in his car, she steals the keys to his car to find out what he’s up to. She finds the recording plus pics of Alison when she was supposed to be dead. Spencer heads to his lake house while the others get ready to attend the engagement party. The plan is to hide that stuff in his lake house. I’m not exactly sure why that’s the plan, but it is. In a completely terrifying scene in which Spencer finds Noel hiding under a white sheet, she threatens him with a fireplace poker and asks him why he’s helping Alison. He says he has pictures of her from when she was “dead’ as insurance. She asked him to steal that stuff from Jenna’s house moments before it exploded. He’s not sure that Alison isn’t trying to get rid of him so he wants something to hold over her. Spencer convinces him that they need it more than him and that she’ll keep it safe. And by convinces I mean, she whacks the shit out of him and tells him to back the fuck down.

Pretty Little Liars S5E9 Spencer


Sydney explains away her friendship with Jenna saying they met at the treatment center in Philly after Jenna first lost her eyesight. She was there when Ali visited Jenna and upset her. When Alison returned from the dead, Jenna called Sydney for support. She didn’t expect Emily to be such a nice person, though. Emily ain’t tryna hear it and says she’s going to take the coaching position at the school just to keep an eye on Sydney. And maybe drown her.


Aria questions her mother before the engagement party, asking her how well she knows her fiancé. Ella immediately asks if Zach was inappropriate with her and Aria admits he was a bit of a creep to Hanna. Ella confesses that there was an “incident” before they came back to town. The wedding is off and later Ella cries in her ex-husband’s arm. That scene was heartbreaking.

Aria later makes up with Hanna who is pouring out all of her booze.


Alison is sorry that her friends are butthurt over her getting Noel involved, but she’s sure they’ll get over it. She’s more concerned with the fact that Detective Tanner is still questioning them. She’s certain that one of the girls will crack since the group is so splintered. Also, Hanna been drankin’. She been drankin’.

Alison needn’t worry, though. She’s called into the police station with Hanna’s mom and they watch as a man confesses to hitting her over the head and holding her in a basement for two years.  He’s repeating Alison’s story, verbatim, the same story we later see A listening to as he/she waits to see the eye doctor.

What in the entire fuck?

About Nina Perez (1391 Articles)
Nina Perez is the founder of Project Fandom. She is also the author of a YA series of books, "The Twin Prophecies," and a collection of essays titled, "Blog It Out, B*tch." Her latest books, a contemporary romance 6-book series titled Sharing Space, are now available on for Kindle download. She has a degree in journalism, works in social media, lives in Portland, Oregon, and loves Idris Elba. When not watching massive amounts of British television or writing, she is sketching plans to build her very own TARDIS. She watches more television than anyone you know and she's totally fine with that.

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