Previously on Pretty Little Liars, ‘Game On, Charles’
Let me preface this by saying I. LOVE. THIS. SHOW. Yes, I know that it’s implausible and ridiculous and not at all based on reality, but I don’t care. It’s just a big ball of awesome and I am so excited to get to cover it.
That being said, let’s get into the episode.
The episode opens up with all four girls piled into Spencer’s hospital room. Because after all crimes, they always let the witnesses converse unsupervised. But we all know Rosewood has the world’s worst police department, so this isn’t at all surprising. They decide not to tell the cops that Andrew Campbell is Charles DiLaurentis – which we can add to the infinitely long list of unwise decisions these ladies have made. Meanwhile, Toby is in the woods and chasing Andrew / Charles down. He actually catches him and arrests him. Considering he spent about 20 minutes in the police academy, I’m surprised he even knows the Miranda rights.
Alison is being scolded for scheming to help the girls and she asks her father about Charles. Daddy DiLaurentis says there is no such person. So, of course, we know damn well there is.
Emily goes to visit Sarah in her hospital room and Sarah tells part of her story before going back to pretending to sleep. Seriously, where are her parents? It’s been hours and their believed-to-be-dead daughter has miraculously resurfaced and the room is empty. I swear, this show holds the record for crap-tastic parents.
In Spencer’s room, Toby talks tough about catching Andrew (the badass cop role just doesn’t fit on him – those sweet baby blues and dimpled chin are more suited towards the misguided weirdo he used to be) and the two kiss and make up. Nothing like a little kidnapping to mend a tattered relationship.
Emily and her mom talk about nothing – except that Sarah has gone home with what might be her mother. Hanna and her mom talk about dinner and stare at wallpaper. Aria and her mom hug it out over meds and bad jokes. Spencer and her mom argue about not letting Spencer have anti-anxiety medication. I get that the girl is a former lightweight junkie, but good grief, she was just kidnapped and held hostage by a psychopath for a month. Cut the girl some slack and let her have half a Xanax. Sidenote: why do they all have wallpaper?
Spencer and Alison fight about the existence of this Charles DiLaurentis – who Ali seems content to believe does not exist. Spencer thanks Ali for saving their lives and they sip some OJ. At the coffee shop, Aria thanks Ezra for saving her life and they tell jokes no one thinks is funny. Ezra suggests journaling about her experience; Aria shoots that down with her trademark Aria snap. Emily is at the gun range – completely unsupervised and taking an alarming amount of surprisingly good shots. Hanna is furiously de-wallpapering her wall and Caleb is yapping about paint chips. So basically, for the last 15 minutes – nobody did anything important. Seriously, where the hell is Mona? Is nobody gonna go look for her?
Ali chats with Toby in the street about nothing at all. But we get to meet the new eye candy on the force. Hello handsome. Hopefully he’s a better cop than, well, any other cop in town.
Hanna empties her entire room and her mom and Caleb share “girl is crazy looks” over her head, when really, it makes perfect sense. The fact that any of these parents expect their child to go back into their bedroom at all is just insane. Emily’s mom fights with her about Emily going to the gun range and forbids her from going into the locker of ammo. But I’m pretty sure she can still get weapons at the gun range and unless they change the code on that locker (which they won’t because that’d be logical), she can and will get back into that locker. But nice try on the parenting. At least she put on a good show.
Now that Hanna’s room is stripped clean, her mom suggests a re-decorating party. Then tries to talk about the kidnapping. For real, why are none of these girls in therapy of any kind? That was some traumatic shit they went through. Offering the girl a bean bag chair ain’t gonna make it better.
At the police station, Aria is desperately pleading her case and expecting some immediate conviction. I don’t think she realizes she is not the pillar of credibility. And then she tells a tiny little lie placing Andrew at the scene of the crime. No big deal. Just the entire future of another human being.
Toby tries to pry the story out of Spencer, but she remains quiet. Okay, really, nobody interviewed these girls before sending them home? This is a major crime here. Was there no report? Rosewood, your police department is truly top-notch.
As expected, Emily is back at the gun range. But this time, so is her mom. She walks up behind her silently and touches her on the arm. Because it is always a fantastic idea to risk startling a person with post traumatic stress disorder and a loaded weapon in their hands. Back at home they yell it out (and it turns out mama did change the code, well done) and then they hug it out.
At church, Hot Cop (who is really named Lorenzo) flirts with Ali. Really, dude, she’s like 12. Are there no grown-up aged women in this town? At Aria’s house, Spencer and Aria discuss possibly going back to school the next day – is there really a point in this? They’ve missed so much school already they have to have flunked out by now. Then Spencer steals some of Aria’s medication. Considering the bizarre high-water rolled up jeans she’s wearing with some worn out moccasins, I’d say girl is in need of some.
Hanna and Caleb have a touching heart to heart atop her brand new air mattress. And, not for the first time, as they kiss I can’t decide which one of them I’d rather be. Because I have a crazy crush on both of them. They’re just so pretty.
Ali finds Lorenzo at the coffee shop and explains her embarrassment at having been seen at the church. He doesn’t bat an eyelash and offers up a tiny hamburger. Does anyone else find this inappropriate? I mean, we’ve all just sort of accepted Aria and Ezra, so do we just not have laws about this sort of thing anymore? No? Okay.
Emily puts on daddy’s shirt and inexplicably wanders outside just as Sarah appears out of the bushes. How did this girl get that far on foot but her parents couldn’t even be at the hospital the day she was rescued? They invite her to stay the night and she asks Emily if she’s sure Andrew is the right guy. Because, of course, he isn’t. But we’ll have to wait until the end of the season to know that.
I’m not a big fan of aftermath episodes such as these. Not a whole lot happens other than to move forward from the end of an incident. But this one kind of takes the cake for me. No interviews? No statements? No therapy? No nothng? Even for PLL, this is a tad far-fetched, but I’ll go with it. But for real…where the hell was Mona?
Until next week…