Previously on Scandal, ‘Randy, Red, Superfreak and Julia’
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Booty Calls and Blackmail
While on a morning run, Jake casually tells Olivia that he has booked a suite at a hotel and will be living there while they’re in D.C. He no longer has any desire to be her live-in boy toy. If she wants to smash, she can come by. Olivia is confused and offended, but mostly confused. This is their D.C. life now, Jake explains. Then he points out Cyrus, sitting on a nearby bench, looking very much like he wants something.
Cyrus and Liv catch up: He’s hurt she didn’t tell him she was back, he’s now vegan, he needs a favor. Okay. So Cyrus caught up. Liv refuses the favor, but Cyrus blackmails her into submission because that’s what friends do… in D.C. Liv’s task is to figure out why a married couple (a POW hero and a teacher who was shot and paralyzed protecting her students during a school shooting) missed their flight to D.C. in order to be Fitz’s special guests at the State of the Union Address.
Madam First Crazy
Lizzie Bear and Andrew bristle at the idea of Fitz making gun control his central topic at the SOTU. It’s bad enough he passed a bill for equal pay and nominated a Democrat to Attorney General. Why is he acting so un-Republican like? Why is he trying to save lives and treat women fairly? He knows that’s not how the GOP rolls. Cyrus promptly reminds them both that they can take all the seats – except when it’s Andrew’s turn to stand and clap during the SOTU. Boop.
Meanwhile, Fitz is trying to get presidential work done from the back of his limo parked at the cemetery. Mellie is sitting at Jerry’s grave, again wearing a robe and Uggs and looking like she has never, ever had a fuck to give. She’s also eating chips right from the bag and probably wiping her greasy hands on the grass because fuck it. Someone is taking pictures though because people suck.
The pictures make their way onto the cover of every newspaper and tabloid because have I mentioned that people suck?
Olivia goes to the ABQ to meet the Elliots and they are a hot-ass mess. They pretty much hate each other and don’t want to go. Olivia reminds them that they are the face of gun control and America’s sweetheart couple, plus the president is asking so everyone needs to behave and get their asses on a plane like yesterday.
Abby’s trying to do her job and field questions about Mellie’s mental health. Olivia is on the phone with Cyrus, watching Abby on TV, and not happy with the way Abby is handling her business. She gives Cyrus some advice which he dismisses, but when they hang up he instructs Abby on how to handle the press next time, quoting Olivia word-for-word.
Jake Goes Digging
Jake wants David to look into Harrison’s death, but since David has his appointment hearing coming up, he doesn’t want to be involved with Jake’s secret ops ass. Jake gives him a look that says, “I know you know I shoot people all up in the forehead and sleep well at night.”
David will be getting Jake everything there is on Harrison’s death.
Flannel Twins of Crazy
Quinn tries talking to Huck, but he’s being his usual unresponsive, Why You Keep Talking to Me self. Olivia wants them to babysit the Elliots at their hotel room and make sure they don’t kill each other before the SOTU. Why Huck and Quinn are both wearing flannel shirts is never explained.
Olivia is giving an interview about what Fitz might say because why? She doesn’t work for or at the White House anymore. Whatever. Let’s pretend it makes sense. When she’s asked about Mellie’s actions at the cemetery, Olivia answers using the same words she told Cyrus. Abby sees this and is furious. She calls Liv and basically tells her to have a seat, preferably on an island. “You don’t know everything, Liv. Did you you know that Huck and Quinn were incesting all over the offices and all up on our conference table where we ate and did business things?!”
A Plate of Fried Chicken With a Side of Not Giving a Damn
Mellie is not going to the State of the Union address. No matter how much Fitz and Cyrus beg she ain’t gonna do it. Not for the Vine. Not for anything. She’s going to sit on the balcony and eat an entire plate of fried chicken because fried chicken is delicious so I can’t really blame her. When they’re alone, Cyrus takes a piece of chicken because, as he told Liv earlier, he’s a vegan but he’s been craving meat. I love you, Cyrus. Never one to miss an opportunity.
He tries to tell Mellie he knows how she feels because he lost a spouse. It’s not the same thing, she says. He talks about some other stuff, trying to be inspirational, but Mellie just wants to get back to her chicken plate.
Abby preps David for his hearing and the first day of questions goes really well.
As Fitz watches Liv’s interview on mute with his All Up In My Feelings face, she’s at home staring at her phone. She uses it to call Jake and I am happy. If she had called Fitz I would have lost every bit of my shit. She tells him he shouldn’t have moved out and she demands that he come over. He won’t be summoned and she won’t be controlled. He’s like, “Look. I’m in Room 207. If you want it, come get it.” She says she doesn’t like this. He reminds her she doesn’t have to like it and then hangs up. Final-fucking-ly. Then he goes back to looking into Harrison’s and Adnan’s deaths and their bodies being dumped in Arizona.
Lizzie the Lizard Lies
Lizzie visits Cyrus and claims that senator Watson has unearthed domestic abuse records against David – you know, the ones Olivia paid Harrison to make up. Welp. Cyrus takes this news to David and Abby. She doesn’t know how the senator found the files because Harrison was supposed to have buried them. I would say he should have buried them wherever his body was dumped, but since they found that too… Anyway, Cyrus says it’s over. David blames Olivia and he’s right. It’s like she can’t help but ruin this man’s life, even when she’s not really trying.
Cyrus IS Craving Meat
Didn’t I tell y’all on last week’s podcast that Cyrus’ new hair was a sign that his ass was out looking for some strange? I was right. He’s at a bar and catches the eye of a younger guy, but Cyrus isn’t really ready to go there so he turns him down.
Huck has gotten drunk with Mr. Elliot. Quinn snatches him into the bathroom and tells him he can’t be acting out because she found his family. He doesn’t really have a right to be mad at her because, hello?!, you pulled out my teeth! He says he pulled out her teeth cause she doesn’t know how to mind her damn business. I’ll allow it. That’s nothing but the damn truth.
While they’re in there fussing, Mrs. Elliot stabs her husband in the leg with a corkscrew. EVERY.DAMN.TIME. these two get distracted, someone gets stabbed. First Papa Pope and now this. His screams interrupt what was about to be some nasty-ass Huckleberry Quinn sex so I’m happy with the way things turned out. Mr. Elliot, you took one for the team and we thank you, sir.
Olivia shows up and confronts Huck about his relationship with Quinn, but he doesn’t want to talk about it and I get the feeling Olivia is a tad relieved.
David Straight Winning
David goes through his secret B613 files and finds something with which to blackmail Senator Watson. Next thing you know, David’s confirmation is all but a sure thing. Abby has concerns that Olivia hasn’t yet gotten the Elliots to agree to attend the SOTU. Cyrus tells her she needs to worry about herself and what’s going on right there in the White House. The Elliots not showing isn’t the end of the world, but Mellie not showing would be disastrous.
Olivia tells the Elliots they should just get a divorce and get this shit over with. She’ll help them figure it out. Of course, they’ll have to give back book advancements and sell their nice home… Guess what? Suddenly the Elliots remember the meaning of Christmas or some shit.
Mellie Can’t Be Bothered and Abby Put on Her Pope Pants
Abby interrupts some serious Mellie Not Giving a Fuck Time to tell her in a very blunt and insensitive way that she needs to cut the shit and do her damn job as First Lady and her first task is to take her ass to the SOTU. Abby stomps off with Mellie giving her a “I Know This Bitch Didn’t Just…” look.
Olivia Got It Done
Olivia delivers the Elliots to the SOTU, but a Secret Service agent doesn’t allow her to leave. After he greets the couple, and once his speech is handed to him, Fitz asks to have the room with Olivia despite her protests. Abby shakes her head before walking out. He wants her to look over the speech and she refuses, but as we see him deliver the speech we also see that she did look it over and gave him suggestions, which he took. Fitz goes off script and gives a heartbreaking speech about how he and Mellie are grieving and how the country needs strict gun control.
Mellie’s in the audience in a beautiful red dress. Abby’s speech worked!
After the speech, Mellie walks into the parlor with the First Lady portraits and finally breaks down. Fitz arrives and holds her and apologizes.
Yes, Booty Call
Olivia shows up at Jake’s hotel room with a bottle of wine. She drops her trench coat and reveals she’s butt naked, wearing nothing but boots. Yes, Jake. THIS is a booty call. They do it on the desk and probably some other places.
Cyrus goes back to the bar and this time does get a room with the young guy whose name is Michael. Michael is also a hooker. Cy ain’t bout that life until Michael drops his drawers… then Cyrus looks like he might be okay with that life. Later, Michael reports to Lizzie that she was right: Cyrus is lonely.
Oh, Cyrus. You bout to get played, boo.
- How often can David go to the well of B613? I suspect Jake will snatch back his files eventually.
- So, Andrew is siding with Lizzie Bear, huh?
- When Fitz talked about Jerry’s death being a horrible fluke, is it me or did Mellie give a bit of an eye roll? Does she already know the truth? Nah, right? Cause Liv would be dead.
- When Mellie walks into the Oval office, tugging at her dress, it was such a human moment. Give that woman an Emmy. “I was going to wear blue…”
- When the male prostitute reported back to Lizzie, he said they hadn’t yet. Hadn’t had sex yet?
- What made Jake start looking at those restaurant receipts and later the camera footage? And who was Charlie sitting with and eating out of their plate? Papa Pope?
- I’m glad Jake is looking into what happened to Harrison. I know Columbus Short got fired, but there’s no way Olivia would not make finding out who killed him her first and only priority.