The executive producers of Glee helm Scream Queens; so it shouldn’t be a surprise for fans of the show to see the familiar face of Lea Michele. Emma Roberts is getting top billing; she dusts off her mean girl chops as Chanel Oberlin, the Queen Bee of Kappa Kappa Tau sorority. Keke Palmer, Abigail Breslin, Oliver Hudson, Niecy Nash, and Jamie Lee Curtis round out the main cast.
S1: E1 Pilot
Sorority Party: A girl delivers her baby in a tub during a raging party. Upon the discovery of her and the newborn by her fellow sorority sisters, she is met with the following:
“How do we get you out the door without being all gross and post-partum? I am not missing Waterfalls for this. Waterfalls is my JAM”- Head Kappa Bitch
The new mother apologizes and all but one of her sisters retreats to the party. After sufficiently sweating their hair out to Waterfalls, they return to the bathroom only to discover the new mom bled out in the tub.
Fast forward to 2015
We meet Chanel Oberlin as she introduces her minions: Chanel #2 (Ariana Grande), Chanel #3, and Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin)
Chanel O refers to her white maid as White Mammy and insists on “tricking” Mrs. Bean into saying things like “I don’t know nothing ‘bout birthin’ babies.” Poor White Mammy. Basically, the first five minutes of 2015 are spent reiterating that Chanel Oberlin is a grade A, number 1 bitch of all bitches a la Heathers.
During a meeting with Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) some backstory is given about the dethroning of the previous Kappa Queen. A flashback reveals Chanel O may not have started out as a bitch, not until she is implicated in the maiming of former Head Kappa Bitch in Charge.
Dean Munsch is planning to revoke KKT’s charter until Gigi Caldwell (Nasim Pedrad) shows up disheveled and in a dated acid wash skirt, extremely messy for what we know of the sisters of Kappa Kappa Tau. She does some lawyering and convinces the Dean not to suspend the charter and agree to a compromise.
Grace (Skylar Samuels) is having a heart-to-heart with her father, Wes Gardner (Oliver Hudson), during the drive to college. They are car singing to the theme from Twilight; he is the king of mix tapes. We learn her mother died when she was two and Wes raised her on his own, he considers her his best friend, which is sweet. And it also means daddy is not making it to the end of the show.
Grace meets her new sassy Black roommate ZayDay Williams (Keke Palmer) they bond over college cafeteria food and Grace convinces her to pledge KKT.
During rush night the compromise between Gigi and Munsch is revealed: KKT is now open to all pledges. This causes a mass exodus of the potential sisters and leaves The Chanels with a band of misfits whose real names we don’t actually know:
Deaf Taylor Swift, Predatory Lez, Neckbrace (Lea Michele), Candle Vlogger, Grace, and ZayDay.
After the rush night debacle, Chanel O begs and pleads with her boyfriend King Douchebag himself, Chad Radwell. He explains that he can’t be seen with garbage collectors, as he refers to her struggling band of pledges. Boone (Nick “fine ass” Jonas) plays the role of loyal sidekick as they return to their afternoon of chipping golf balls at hippies.
Hoping to discourage her new pledges, Chanel O devises a plan which involves burning the face off of the maid. But it’s pretend; they are totally not going to have the fryers on when she dips White Mammy’s face in the oil. How SWAY? How do you even come up with something like this? Chanel O is crazy.
Enter cute Mark Ruffalo Barista also known as Pete Martinez. Chanel O is going over her scheme with WM, but first she needs to quench her thirst with the white girl’s kryptonite: Pumpkin Spice Latte. But not just any PSL a: Trenta Pumpkin Spice Latte, No Foam, Extra Hot, No Foam, 26 shots, No Foam. If you were wondering, she doesn’t want any foam. Pete begrudgingly obliges, and Chanel O shows her natural white ass by throwing the drink away. Grace happens to be his next customer, she overheard Chanel and orders and extra cold PSL, followed by a coffee, because she doesn’t like those white girl drinks.
Thank you, Ryan Murphy. Thank you so much.
Chanel spies Pete and Grace chatting and spills the tea that he might have stalked her during their freshman year. He says it was a crush, she claims she has a restraining order. I think they are both full of shit. Sounds like a hook-up gone badly. Either way Grace and Pete have chemistry and make a plan to get down to the bottom of the goings on at KKT.
Prank Goes Awry
During a fake tantrum Chanel O gathers the pledges to show them how Kappa handles betrayers. She dips WM’s face into hot oil. Remember: in the original prank the fryer was not to be turned on. WM dies and Chanel O quickly turns this to her advantage bribing the pledges with boyfriends/girlfriends and a trip to Cancun if they help her dispose of the body. All agree except Grace and ZayDay.
Now a dead body in a meat freezer bonds them, because that is how you bond with your pledge sisters, with a French fried maid.
The Dean is banging Chad… She laments over her life, and Chad acts like his name is Chad. During a post coital chat it’s revealed the Dean is divorced, underpaid, and using her power to get bad sex from students on academic probation.
Grace meets with Pete to discuss the day’s events, he tells her about the maid’s murder. Pete is the Lois Lane of this show. They return to the cooler to see WM, only to be joined by Chanel O and Brad, the cooler is empty. Dun dun duuuunnnnn.
Chanel O attempts to force Chanel 2, 3 and 5 into a blood oath. Chanel # 2 is freaked out by the potential of catching an STD returns to her room and his greeted by a murderer dressed in a red devil costume. After a series of text exchanges, the devil kills ChanelAriana Grande. Miraculously she is able to send off one last tweet before taking her final breath. It ends with Please help me!
I guess Chanel #2 had one last, one last problem. Too soon?
S1:E2 Hell Week
Chanel O extends an olive branch and offers Grace a place as a minion, Chanel #6. They finally have a heart-to-heart. It doesn’t amount to much and the girls part ways.
Sexy Gopher Whore Head Challenge – basically human Whack-a-Mole. The Pledges are buried up to their necks in dirt. Actually buried. Chanels #3 and 5 leave them to get fro-yo or some other white girl favorites like PSL or Nutella toast. I cannot believe ZayDay agreed to this shit. As the girls nod off, The Devil appears on a riding mower and murders Deaf Taylor Swift. ZayDay exclaims “Dis a nice naybahood!” Which is both crazy and hilarious. Why did he only kill Deaf Taylor Swift? Was it her singing?
Chanel O returns home to be greeted by Chanels #3 and 5 and a dead Chanel #2.
Neckbrace shows up like some creeper. She has a keen knowledge of dead body disposal and dismemberment and offers her services to the Chanels. After freaking them out they opt to place ChanelAriana Grande in the deep freezer.
Denise Hempfield (Niecy Nash) is introduced as head of security for the sorority house, basically reprising her role from Reno 9-1-1.
[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”#4A7097″ class=”” size=””]I’m gonna hit you so hard your tampon pops out.” – KayDay[/pullquote]
While the girls are playing Cinderella, the Chanels request more soap. This is an excuse to get Grace into the basement of the Kappa house to find a secret door only accessible by Chanel O.
Grace must share her discovery with handsome Pete. They have a brief make out session, followed by his questionable glance as she departs his room. Say it ain’t so Pete. Say it ain’t so!
The Dean attempts to console and convince Wes to keep Grace on campus. Plying him with bourbon during an impromptu Parent Teacher conference. He offers his services as an instructor to keep an eye on his daughter. She agrees.
Grace breaks into the secret room she finds the following: the blood stained tub , a trunk with the 1995 party mix-tape; the bloody clothing of the girl who died in the tub in 1995. She is joined by Chanel O; who gives her the scoop on her bloody discovery.
Flashback to 1995
The four worst Kappa Kappa Tau sisters on the planet commiserate over the dead girl and her newborn child, who is being held by I can only assume is Nasim Pedrad. They rehash what we already know. Dean Munsch storms in followed by The Maid and devise a plan to cover up the death.
Back in 2015
Chad and Chanel O are having the worst noisy odd sex, and he is wearing old man boxers. Where are your boxer-briefs, man? They break-up AGAIN, which leads us to a scene where Bruno tries to snuggle with Chad. Apparently this happened before and Boone got a little handsy. It’s kinda funny. Actually it’s really funny.
Pete is playing inch-high private eye, and while breaking into the Dean’s office he discovers the last names of the five girls from the party in 1995. The Devil clocks him over the head and ties him to a pillar outside. He has a sign pinned to his chest reading MYOB- Mind Your Own Business.
Grace and Pete go over the series of events from the previous night. Pete is getting sexy-flexy in his black boxer briefs. A distracted Grace goes into the closet to find something for Pete to put on, doing so she discovers a Red Devil costume. Pete is the school mascot. Grace runs away screaming. You might be the baby! You are the right age! (He’s 19-20) He asks her age. Grace is 18. WELP, guess she isn’t the killer. There goes that suspicious smirk again. No, Pete. This will not do.
Boone wants to pledge Kappa as a gay man. Chanel #5 is against it. Chanel O thinks it will put a feather in the cap of her reign as KKT queen.
Wes is playing super dad guarding the Kappa house. Gigi goes out to convince him he can relax and the girls are safe. They bond over a hair band playlist and go out for a coffee.
Dean Munsch lurks in the darkness. Chanel O is doing her best to berate and humiliate the pledges, retreating to her room for more evil bitch supplies. The Devil is waiting for her. In an unsuccessful attempt to murder Chanel O. The girls are joined by Security Denise, who is for lack of a better word, useless. She retreats to her vehicle to find the dead body of her partner. The girls are left with a bloody message: SLUTS MUST DIE!
The Devil appears at the frat house, Boone seems unfazed: “about time.” The next time we see Boone his body is displayed on a table, neck slit and bloody; his body surrounded by candles. At the morgue, The Devil opens the drawer with Boone’s body, his eyes fly open and he peels the prosthetic neck wound and hops off the sliding drawer.
Current Body Count:
The Maid, Chanel #2, Deaf Taylor Swift, Security Guard
Boone(?) – Not sure how long this will remain a secret.
If you don’t have a last name that is regularly used in the show, you are as good as dead. So long Candle Vlogger and Predatory Lez in no particular order.
This show is going to be fun. It is very tongue and cheek and I can honestly say I am not sure who the killers are. Killers, because we know Boone is somehow connected, but we aren’t sure if Pete is actually the man behind the devil mask. I’m looking forward to next week.