Previously on Sleepy Hollow, ‘Paradise Lost’
A man works to restore a colonial painting when suddenly blood appears on the canvas, then pours from it. He tries wiping it but it’s already stopped…. His fingers remain stained.
Back at Ichabbie Cabin, Abbie’s scoping out Ichabod’s interpretation of Business Casual Modern Dress, which seems pretty similar to his colonial dress except modern fabric. She reminds him that he doesn’t have to date his lying traitorous whore witch of a wife, but he insists. “No name dropping the founding fathers tonight,” she scolds. “Nothing about your fling with Betsy Ross.” Katrina glides in to catch that bit.
The colonial painting from earlier was by Colby, now at the Adams family art collection for the Crane’s date. Ichabod devilishly suggests PDA is now acceptable with a little hip graze, so she grabs dat ass in return. Give a ginger witch an inch, amirite?
Grant, the art restorer, nervously asks Ichabod if he really believes in the Sleepy Hollow ghost stories, while Katrina touches Abigail Adam’s desk, briefly hearing her old friend (played by Michelle Trachtenberg), before catching a sense of something dark as they’re called to dinner. The crystal goblets again bring a vision of Abigail to Katrina, making her wistful for her lost life. Ichabod encourages her to be present, but she thinks these memories are significant, i.e. Grant, who is now hanging upside down in the gallery, dead. Why can’t Ichabod have nice things? Rude.
Back at the precinct, Abbie’s reading the family diary when Frank Irving walks in and surrenders himself. Apparently the Fearsome Foursome buried Frank privately in Dem Woods, telling only Cynthia, so everyone else thinks Frank’s been on the lam.
Katrina realizes that Grant’s death resembles the Hanged Man tarot, symbolizing the struggle from death to rebirth, which Ichabod also knows thanks to her shit laying around all the time.
After Katrina awkwardly explains why Ichabod’s never mentioned her, Reyes names Ichabod an “odd but valuable asset.” The Cranes realize this is identical to the unsolved Durham killings in 1781, which John Adams prosecuted. Abigail and Katrina had concluded that the culprit was a surgeon, who now may have emerged from Purgatory at Moloch’s demise.
Frank tells Abbie that he only remembers engaging the avatar of War. She tells him that he was dead and buried, but since his soul still belongs to Henry, they can’t fully trust him. She assures the weeping Frank that she wants him here, but her experience with Dead John Cho makes her suspicious, and she’ll have to tell Cynthia.
Back at Adams’ exhibit, the Cranes learn the painting is a self-portrait of the artist, noting that the painter’s blade is wet with real blood, and suddenly the artist stares back. GAH CHILLS.
Scuttling away to find a brochure, Katrina partakes in the fine tradition of Crane Tea Spilling, noting the painter, James Colby, was a lecherous drunkard. They surmise that he’s using the blood of his victims to finish his painting within a painting—an inverted cross, or the Hanged Man—to be reborn into the real world. When they run back to the painting, the artist is missing, hunting his next victim. Miller, the gallery owner, had also been marked by touching the painting, because art experts spend a lot of time touching priceless paintings with their bare hands. As does Ichabod. Katrina hides the murder painting from the docent by kissing Ichabod, and everyone titters and leaves because married people kissing is ESCANDOLO. I would snark further on passions inflamed by colonial paintings, but I will instead invite myself to have a seat, because my husband proposed in a gallery just like this one. Ahem.
Anyway, Abbie and Jenny confer about Frank and needing a weapon in case he goes dark. Hawley’s out of town, i.e. being useless as per usual, but Jenny is sure he’s “got a bead on some local corpse cannon.” Abbie next meets with Cynthia Irving in the Archives, reminding her of Frank’s sacrifice, then showing her the live video feed. Naturally she wants to see him but Abbie wants to make sure he’s legit first.
Miller tells Ichabod that Grant couldn’t separate the painting from the canvas and had heard it speaking to him, wanting blood, and he heard the same due to Art Touching. Speaking of, Katrina’s feeling up a desk, getting a flash of Abigail concealing documents in a hidden compartment, which Katrina finds, because galleries are always letting you jack up their antique furniture. She hears footfalls, turning to see the blood-covered artist stalking the hallways. Scary!
Jenny’s out in Dem Woods retrieving demon-killing bullets from an actual body. Hawley said they were buried “with” “the guy” but as it turns out they are “in” a dead zombie. Abbie listens to the squishing over the phone, which Jenny compares to a raw giblets incident from their youth. As she pulls the final bullet out, the demon reanimates, grabbing her throat. She jams it back into the corpse, screaming, “Thanks for telling me to leave one in the body, HAWLEY!!!”
Ichabod encourages Miller to run, but when he turns his back on the scared man, he disappears. The Cranes find him being sucked into the painting and Ichabod can’t pull him out. Of course Katrina does nothing because: USELESS. Why would Grant be hanged in the gallery while Miller was pulled into the painting? Why am I trying to make sense of this? Moving on.
The painting shows Miller now hung upside down, the bloody artist staring over his shoulder at them. Ichabod becomes the first person all evening to recognize that the “cracks” in the painting frame are very clearly runes. I don’t need to point out who should’ve seen this, right? The runes trapped Colby in the painting, which, according to the documents, Abigail and the Reverend Knapp initiated. The Cranes drag the painting into the back room so that Ichabod can leap into it and stop Colby, but Katrina marks her own hand with the blood. No more separation, she says, then chants them into the painting.
Back at the precinct, Mr & Mrs BAMF have a moment in the hallway, then Jenny palms Abbie the bullets. Abbie says even though he looks normal, his spirit is the problem. Jenny says maybe Katrina could check him out, and they both chuckle in disgust because they know. Abbie leaves Ichabod a message, worried that she hasn’t heard from him.
Sadly AT&T doesn’t cover Creepy Murder House Paintings. Katrina Troi’s that the house is full of sadness so Colby must have been dissuaded from his talents. Yes, let’s talk about how the sad boy couldn’t paint for a living when he’s KILLING SOMEONE in the other room. Finally they find Miller nearly dead and the painting finished. They lower him down to the ground, thinking Colby has escaped. Katrina starts chanting them back into the real world, but oopsies, he’s still there, rising from the puddle of blood. “Too late,” Billith says with crazy eyes.
Katrina takes forever getting them out of there. Ichabod takes too long with the paint thinner, so Colby strangles him, one arm out of the painting, then the rest following with his knife. Fortunately Abbie arrives with the demon-killing bullets (“Leave one in the corpse!”—Hawley “Too late, jackass!”—Jenny) and puts him down like the last two seasons of True Blood should’ve been put down.
Ichabod supports Abbie speaking to Irving despite Reyes’ disgust, but Abbie just scolds: “You better text me the next time you decide to go jumping into a painting.” You know what ALL victorious Ichabbie bonding moments need? To be interrupted by him seeing to Katrina. So he does. Ichabod tells her that one Abigail guided her to another, reminding her that they’ve been suspended like a painting and aren’t trapped any longer, so he should just kiss Abbie they should get on with life.
Abigail apologies to Reyes, who says her Irving-related loyalty is probably okay since the DA has received evidence that will vindicate him. Say whut?!
Next time: Hawley’s adoptive mom is Stahma Tarr. YASSSSS #ilustahma #callme