Previously on Sons of Anarchy, ‘What a Piece of Work is Man’
A whole lot of very sad, dazed, totally not into it, post-funeral sex. Crying Jax and Winsome, Nero and Gemma, Tig and Venus (!!!!), Chibs and Jarry, Rat and a Diosa, Happy and a street walker, Tully and Juice. Yeah. Tully. and. Juice, who is re-evaluating his life choices in a major way. As are we all, after this montage. Shower? Cigarette? Coffee?
The Morning Setup
Nero, wearing his leather patch Business Cardigan, makes coffee at the Diosa bar, reminding Jax again that he’s selling Diosa to Alvarez, like tomorrow, because he is semi-retiring before he catches a stray bullet from all this Shit. Jax eventually agrees, and Winsome reassures Jax that he’s truly a good guy. No, he isn’t.
When Venus comes out of the shower, Tig morning drinks the regrets away and books it. Venus catches a glimpse of her morning beard shadow and thinks maybe this is not going to work after all.
Jail. Tully’s not sure why Juice is in solitary, but promises Jax he’ll keep him “real close.” Jax replies, “He could do with a little loving.”Gross. Tully will have his crooked cops kill Lin if Jax smoothes the local Aryan Brotherhood management shift from Leland to Tully’s second, Otis. Speaking of going smoothly, Tully sends Juice a date package: Love Poems of Emily Bronte, vial of cocaine, and Vaseline. Juice’s (everyone) reaction: “Holy shit.” How horrible would it be for Tully to decide to keep him alive forever?
Loutreesha and Grant are anxious to GTFO out of this cabin where gangsters and dead bodies keep showing up, but Quinn and Montez tell them to chill just a bit longer. Which is good, because Moses tells Tyler he really wants to Talk to them about that statement. So Tyler puts on a big show of loyalty, but Moses wants him to prove it, namely giving up T.O., and why don’t we all go together?
The surprisingly friendly Otis pointedly details where all of his guys are at Racist Ranch, should the Sons feel the need to shoot some folk. Namely, one guy taunting Tig about Venus, earning one of Tig’s squinty You’re About To Get Murdered So Hard smiles. Chibs puts out an arm, suggesting maybe this isn’t the time, but you know what? Otis is totally ok with the time, so Mouthy gets a shot to the balls, then ups the ante by saying Leland isn’t there because he’s killing Eglee just now. Is that a fact? How about a few more dead racists then. Good riddance.
Leland’s already at the hospital with flowers and a gun in a gift bag. Fortunately Wayne anticipated this mess to start with and ambushes him, hulking out with that Old Man Stren’th and shoots him dead.
Jarry informs him that his Anonymous Friends are in the lobby, whom he reminds that he retired with zero kills, and here he is shooting people all the damn time for them. Wayne’s patience has run OUT. He closes his day sitting by Eglee’s bedside, watching Wuthering Heights with her, kissing her hand. Is this a fatherly thing or something more? That looked like googoo eyes to me.
The Long Game Shit
Rat hooks up with T.O. at the bar to set something in motion, but they both accidentally get gripped up in the Moses trap and shuffled off to the Torture Basement. Poor T.O. is not used to rough handling like this–he just wants to go home to his tangerine bike and Geritol, ok? When Moses sidles in with that grapefruit spoon, T.O. immediately offers to write down the cabin’s address.
I was a little mad, but after the BMW convoy leaves, Tyler pops the guy watching them and sets them free. All part of the plan. What plan? Why empty Racist Farm of course, with an exploding trailer and the Sons plus Otis’ crew, who pour out from the storm cellar and shed, mowing everyone down but Moses. Jax rips Moses’ eye out with his bare hand, chops off his fingers, and finishes him off. DAMN.
Otis happily keeps the BMW fleet, Tyler delivers T.O. and Rat, and someone needs to clean up that pile of dead dudes in the back yard. “What, was the LAPD here?!” T.O. quips. Happy takes a finger trophy because , and Montez and Quinn release Grant and Loutreesha to their new life. Everyone’s happy.
Well, not everyone. Jarry freaks at Chibs over her self-destructive tendencies. He’s not interested in that fight, but she pushes anyway so he gives it to her straight: “When you’re not tearing apart every single moment we’re together, you’re actually a lot of fun. But no, I’m not going to make up your mind for you.” She pushes him, he pushes back, they trade slaps, and tumble down onto the floor together. These two.
Tig finds Venus having a similar identity crisis, crying in the dark, clock ticking loudly. “Alexander” is all about living outside of the box, but Venus’ feelings are very much inside the I Love You box. Tig admits he doesn’t have any secrets with her, and for her to still love him despite that is pretty damn amazing. He’s the one that doesn’t feel normal, but he wants to, so he asks her on a real, genuine date, because she’s his. Tig’s crazy as hell, but his real side makes me feel some kinda way. And Venus’ voice cracks while she tries to reconcile this new knowledge… it’s just beautiful. This scene was easily one of the best SoA scenes, ever.
Gemma’s smoking out on her bedroom floor so Nero sits down. She asks if maybe she can help at the farm. Of course, he says, rocking her, “You’re my girl.” I now realize why he’s always wearing these sweaters: chicks are always crying all over them.
When Abel of the Damned comes to school with a face scratch he blames on Thomas’ Baby Razor Nails (plausible), Courtney Love wonders if an adult really did it, because they could get in serious trouble. He’s like, O RLY?
So later, he excuses himself to the bathroom, stares at himself in the mirror, locks himself in the stall, carefully drapes his nice shirt over the handle, and pulls the longest, sharpest fork ever out of his lunchbox. This family and forks, amiright?
The school calls Jax, which he once again tries to foist off on everyone else, but that’s not going to work this time, thanks to Child Services. In front of the principal, Courtney Love, child services, Gemma, and a suitably scared and vulnerable Jax, Abel pulls up his sleeve to reveal a nasty gash, blaming Grandma. BUM BUM BUMMMM.
Family Conference. Wendy confirms she saw no such scratches, so Jax knows this was to hurt Gemma. When Nero suggests that maybe this is about getting Gemma out of the way so his mommy can come back to him, Wendy says he really needs counseling. Of COURSE Gemma blows that right off, and everyone’s eyes get stuck from rolling. Furthermore, Jax has to take the boys back to his house and Wendy with him, because CPS is watching. Gemma makes this 100% about herself, because she’s the worst.
So at the end of the day, Wendy’s gotten the boys settled, done laundry, called therapists, and made tea. Jax is drunk on gratitude so when AbelBot comes out to ask for water, Jax sets him on his lap: You know how I said you came from someone else’s tummy? Well, that person is Wendy. Abel throws All The Side Eyes at Wendy.
Jax says he’ll always have a mommy and daddy who love him til they’re dead next week. In his most wooden performance yet, he toddles over and kisses her goodnight, then shuffles to bed like a zombie. Somebody give his key a couple more cranks, will you?
After Jax hugs Wendy goodnight, he tucks Child of the Corn in. Safe to say, as he walked down that hallway, every fan started punching the person they’re watching with, going, “HERE IT COMES! HERE IT COMES!!!!” The boom drops: “Hey, Daddy?” (Viewers start squealing.) “Is Wendy my first mommy because I came out of her tummy?” (OH MY GOD!) Jax smiles sweetly, sitting back down, “Yeah…” “So is that why Grandma killed my other mommy? So my real mommy could be here with me?” (SUTTTERRRRRRR!!)