You may not be watching Breaking Bad, but you damn sure can’t escape it. The week before last, as millions prepared for the final season’s return, social media was blown up like a poorly constructed meth lab with posts about Heisenberg, Walt Whitman, and “Better call Saul!” My sister had not seen a single episode, but with approximately 3,402 daily posts about the show appearing in her Facebook news feed (3,382 from me alone), she decided to queue up Breaking Bad on Netflix instant viewing and watch all 4.5 seasons currently available.
Jealous that she was about to experience the awesomeness for the first time, uninterrupted by year-long hiatuses, I asked her to text me and keep me updated on her journey. In one week, she has watched up to season 5, episode 4.
1. “Girl, Breaking Bad is UNCOMFORTABLE. I’m pausing like a motherfucker.”
The tension is so great, you have to pause some scenes to catch your breath. Can this mild-mannered chemistry teacher pull it off?
2. “I HATE Walt! Seriously. Those brothers could axe his ass right now and I’d grab the popcorn.”
You’ve gotten a taste of Heisenberg. You may still be rooting for Walt deep down inside, but it’s hard to look past the misfortune he’s brought down on his family.
3. “I don’t care too much for Jesse. So now I like no one. I watch out of curiosity to see how they will develop the story.”
Jesse has relapsed and though you understand why, you really just want him to get his shit together and break free of Walt.
“Since the beginning, my two favorite characters continue to be Saul and Mike. I care for Jesse, but he disappoints me often.”
4. “Everyone is pissing me off.”
5. “They’re overdoing it. How much purple is this bitch gonna wear?”
You finally notice Marie’s purple addiction.
6. “OMG, Nina. I hate Walt so passionately. He is making this hard to watch.”
By now you know about Jane, Brock, and Mike.
Then Hank finds the book.
7. “Everything Walt touches turns to shit. What’s taking this cancer so damn long?”
You can’t possibly still want Walt to get away with this, right? Right?