Previously on The Returned, ‘Helen’
I feel like I’ve been pretty patient with this show. Am I wrong? Have I been harboring unfair expectations? Because to be frank, when this episode ended it was like a sad trombone blaring over the ending credits.
I am going to tackle the Camille thing, and the incredibly pointless scenes at the lake. If I’m not supposed to believe these were pointless they should have given me a reason, because as of right now some dude high on shrooms slicing her arm and the inexplicable death of Ben after sex make no damn sense. Peter and Simon and Lucy all fucked people after they came back to life and nobody died, so is it supposed to be the shrooms that caused this to happen? Seriously, I don’t get it at all. And the worst part is, I don’t care. Ben was whatever, Camille is annoying, their friends seemed like dicks.
Lena is just finally becoming bearable, but no less stupid. She sees Adam in the woods, glaring at her with the look of a bull about to charge, and instead of running the other way she calls his name and goes towards him. Really, girl? You just snitched to the cops, and even if you don’t know that his brother is dead you gotta know Adam ain’t happy. The one thing I appreciated this episode was that Lena was really standing up for her sister, and was super suspicious of her friends. Apparently she is being suspicious of the wrong people.
As for the titular character, what the hell? Peter is murdered by the same douchebag friend who murdered Henry and his mom, and yet somehow when he comes back to life he’s still aging like a regular person? I would have believed this if it weren’t for Simon coming back to life a second time, but it really doesn’t seem like they’re regular humans so I don’t get it.
Tommy shows up and accuses him of identity theft and a few other things that make no sense, because he’s bitter Peter helped Simon. Claire comes to visit him in prison and he lies and says he died in the flood; she calls him a coward for not “coming out” to Camille when she was having a hard time. To which I say, fuck you, Claire. This is some weird shit to be dealing with and you don’t get to tell him how to handle it. So you fuck right off, lady.
There are more problems with the Peter thing, too. Like why he doesn’t tell Victor that he was killed by the same dude when they’re at the grave. That doesn’t seem like something that should have come up? And now we know Victor didn’t kill him, not necessarily because he forgives Peter like I thought, but because he knows it’s pointless and Peter will just come back.
Speaking of Victor, fuck that kid and everything he stands for. I wish to god Julie had strangled him, except he would have just came back. She tells him “I love you, but we just can’t be together anymore”, which is such a weird way to say this. I don’t really buy she loves him, and if she does, how is she going to drop him off in the house where he died and just walk away? Apparently Victor agrees; he flips out and conjures a repeat of the moment she was stabbed. He doesn’t kill her, and it’s unclear whether it’s because he actually gives a shit, or because, like Peter, she would just come back. Remember, we still don’t know if she’s one of those who came back or not.
Rowan’s wedding day is finally here and apparently Jack had no idea they’d booked the Dog Star for the wedding reception. Cool. Rowan is freaking out and has a terrible feeling, which I’m sure is exacerbated by having some of the creepiest and most depressing wedding music ever. This wedding is the worst, and I’m sure it’s not the greatest news to hear you’re carrying the baby of your undead boyfriend after you just got married to another man. So thanks for that, Lucy.
Meanwhile, Helen is hurrying to the dam to light the dynamite while being egged on by visions of her dead husband. Where the hell is that coming from? Is that Victor, sending visions to her the same way he’s done with other people? I did enjoy the fact it seems like someone out there in the ether is making it as difficult as possible to get anything done, blowing out her tire and blowing out her matches.
Simon recovers from the whallop she dealt him, and he is heading towards town to warn them when he hears the dam explode and sees all the water rushing down and decimating the town. But it wasn’t real! Just another vision, and the show cuts off in the middle of him running to warn everyone.
That’s the problem with this show. I am all about keeping a sense of mystery, but there is a point when you have to give the audience some kind of clue or I’m going to start to suspect the writers don’t even know the answers. There are way too many things left unanswered to get any sense of what the show is getting at. All we know is this woman Lucy has gotten messages that there is something bad about to happen, and the dead have been trying to warn us, but nobody is listening. Well, guess what, maybe they’re not listening because none of this seems to tie together in any way and it’s just starting to get annoying.
Oh, and I almost forgot! Some podcaster shows up and is like, “Other towns have had this undead thing happen and then they disappeared, seemingly overnight.” Say what? This is something the show should have started setting up way earlier, not in the ten minutes before the end of the season finale.
I think it’s pretty ballsy of them to have such an open-ended, underwhelming finale when they’re not even sure they’re coming back for a second season. And to be honest, if they get renewed I will be surprised. I keep hearing how good the French version was, and I plan on watching that to see if these kinds of strange story holes are an issue there, but for right now I’m not planning to follow the show into the second season, if they get one.
Sorry, The Returned. You shouldn’t come back. It’s wrong, and you don’t belong here.
Funniest moment: Rowan walking down the aisle. Seriously, what was that music?
Stupidest moment: Tommy arresting Peter. Get ahold of yourself, dude, you won. She’s marrying YOU.
Saddest moment: Rowan finding out she’s pregnant by Simon, yet again.