News Ticker

The Returned (US) – S1E2 – Simon

Previously on The Returned, ‘Camille’



Look, I’m all about a slow reveal on major plot points in both television and in books. I really am normally a very patient person. But I swear to God, if this show keeps on trying to tell me, “Just the tip,” I am going to grab it by its ass and PULL.

I mean, the first episode really got me wondering, which was the point, right? It made me say, “What the fuck is this even about?” and ask questions, and go back and look at things that I may have missed or not thought of (Camille and Lina ARE twins, and did that old man who killed himself murder his wife?). But I don’t feel like this episode moved things along very much, and I was left feeling super unsatisfied. Which, let me tell you, is a very familiar feeling for any woman who’s tried the “just the tip” tactic.

Camille is just coming to grips with the fact she was dead, and now she’s not. Lena tries to suggest identity theft, as if she might have just had another identical twin running around who looks EXACTLY like her sister did on the day she died. Makes sense, if you don’t think about it at all. However, a moment later we find out Lena thinks her father favored Camille, so there’s a reason she would maybe not want her sister back in the picture. Although from the mention of Jack hitting her, and her reaction to him being in the house, it seems like there was more than Camille in the way of Lena and her father repairing their broken relationship.

Speaking of which, I am firmly not buying Jake tried to murder Lucy. (She’s alive, by the way. Surprise!). I am in Camp Nope on that one, and I think it’s someone way less predictable who did it, like maybe…Peter? Mister I’m-so-helpful-with-dealing-with-grief-perhaps-because-I’m-a-serial-murderer? Just sayin. The fact that there have been…how many? Six? other attempted or successful murders with the exact same MO is very surprising for this small town, and I’m honestly going to be a tad disappointed if most of this season turns out to be a whodunnit.



Can we discuss Simon and his prettiness for a moment? He is so pretty. So very, very, ridiculously, stupidly pretty. I feel for you, Rowan. I mean, Tommy is cute and all, but…I came very close to bawling during that scene in the church. When she sees the cop (Tommy!) coming in the door, you can actually feel the breath leave her body as she falls to the ground. Oh my lord. That one moment almost made up for Camille’s kind of lukewarm acting. And then in the library! UGH I LOVE STAR CROSSED LOVERS. (But it can be taken too far. I’m looking at you, Scandal.)

 Dr. han

Dr. Han is making me all kinds of curious. First of all, she goes to look at the missing persons reports to see if there is anyone looking for Victor, where she passes the female cop and they exchange a Very Significant Glance (™). I’m guessing that it may have to do with the fact that she’s one of the victims of this dude who’s running around stabbing women, but it could be that they’re exes? It felt more personal than something case-related. Also, the fact that Dr. Han says she’s afraid of the dark before we see those scars, and then she starts crying, was heartbreaking. She just looks fragile, like she’s brittle and going to snap.

Victor Drawing


Yeah…so…Victor. Seriously, what. The. Fuck. Is. This. Demonic. Child. He freaks me out so goddamn bad. That moment where he’s drawing and the camera is bouncing between his fevered scrawling, the bathtub filling, and the creek out in the woods (which, confusingly, seems to be shot during the daytime)… what in the fucking what? The only good thing I can say about Victor is that he got Annie to shut the fuck up really fucking quick. Walk away, Annie. Just walk away.

You know what I think? I think the guy who was murdering these women used to be dead. I think the dude they brought in for questioning might have killed the murderer, or saw the murderer die, and that’s why he was so spooked seeing the MO reappearing all of a sudden. Which would explain why he doesn’t wanna tell Tommy why he’s keeping some information to himself.

Speaking of keeping information to himself, what the hell is Tommy going to do now that Simon is back? His aggression when he sees Simon in custody was a nice mixture of insecurity, protectiveness, and anger…but now that he’s seen the photos, there’s no mistaking this is the man who died six years ago. Tommy was the cop who brought Rowan the news, so did he see the body? He must have, right? And how did Simon die? Was it Victor standing in the road again?

You see what I’m saying? Just the tip. Infuriating.

  • Score | 6/10Funniest Moment: I have a feeling funny moments are going to be few and far between, but I smirked when Camille said, “What’s the worst that could happen, I’m already dead.”
  • Saddest Moment: Rowan in the church. Uuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  • Scariest Moment: Victor. And I’m assuming his name will always be the one after that colon, every. single. week.
  • Stupidest Moment: Lena tryna say someone hacked her sister’s mainframe. What the fuck? (A second WTF to Tommy for saying the same thing to Simon, but they’re not fucking twins, so it’s really not as idiotic.)
About Natasha Kingston (12 Articles)
Natasha is the author of the Bearing Gifts urban paranormal adventure series, and Bite-Sized Erotica, a collection of steamy short stories guaranteed to raise your heart rate. In addition to writing, Natasha is the co-creator of the podcast "UNspoiled!", which reviews books chapter by chapter, and television shows episode by episode. The first series covered was A Song Of Ice And Fire, by George RR Martin, and the current program being covered is Breaking Bad. Soon she will be covering The Wire and True Detective. Natasha also has her own solo podcast series called "Natasha's Spoiler Hour", where she reviews Scandal and The Walking Dead, complete with a lot of swearing and ranting. Natasha loves bright colors, cooking, holiday decorating, lipstick, sex, red wine, and talking. She is a devout follower of Beyonce, and would one day like to attend San Diego Comic Con as a VIP so that she can meet Peter Dinklage and have a drink with Norman Reedus.

Leave a comment