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The Slap – S1E7 – Rosie

Previously on The Slap, ‘Aisha’

Ah, Rosie. Probably the person I hate the most on this show. At this point, she’s the only one who even wants to take this thing to trial. But everyone is wrapped up in it now, so here we go.

The Slap - S1E7 - Rosie and Gary

“This is killing all of us.” – Rosie

The episode opens on Rosie and Gary in an art museum or at an art show, dressed a lot more dapper then their trashy, hippy selves have ever looked. Rosie stands there for twenty minutes staring at a picture of a giant bear. Or rather, what is supposed to be a giant bear. It’s just paint scattered on canvas. Rosie wants to buy it, but Gary says it’s not for sale. Then he says he actually painted it. I believe it. Then they have sex. Maybe in the art gallery. I’m not sure: it’s kind of dark.

It’s Hugo’s first day of school. He’s not nervous, but he insists on bringing his spear to school. I’m pretty sure that would not be allowed. My question is, why is he starting school in what seems to be the middle of the year?

Anouk and Rosie go shopping for what Rosie is going to wear at the trial. She apparently chooses a night shirt, because she has to look like herself, and Anouk is all, “Girl, get your head out your ass. You want to look the opposite of yourself.” Rosie doesn’t understand because she’s 12 on the inside. Why are these two friends? They seem opposites. Rosie mentions how she has a son who was traumatized. I bet you Hugo’s ass barely remembers that slap.

5 minutes after he’s dropped off at school, Gary and Rosie are called in because their little angel has thrown a temper tantrum after he was told to sit at his desk for 15 minutes of quiet time. Rosie asks the teacher how she would like it if she was “randomly ordered to keep quiet.”

The teacher, Gary, and myself are like, “Check yo’ self, bitch.”

Rosie then makes a big scene about how Hugo had been slapped and he’s got post traumatic stress from it and that once Harry is in jail, Hugo will feel much more safe in this world. The teacher goes along, but she ain’t buying it. She’s a teacher. I’m sure she knows an undisciplined kid when she sees one. Even Gary sort of rolls his eyes like this whole thing is ridiculous. Not that I condone domestic abuse, but if anybody’s wife on this show needs some smacking around, it’s Gary’s. Maybe he should just let her spend some time with Harry. I’m sure eventually his hands will meet some part of her body and I don’t mean in the way I would like. Rosie nearly has a seizure when the teacher tells them that Hugo is currently in a time out. They raise him as an equal, not as a child, and he’s not used to this sort of disrespect. I feel like I’m the one having a seizure when I hear her say these things. Do people really say these things? The teacher doesn’t believe it either. She tells them in a much more polite manner than I would have that they need to take their demon spawn elsewhere.

Outside the school, Hugo proves my point that he doesn’t even remember the slap, by asking if he can have a lollipop like “the fun guy, Rocco’s daddy” used to give him. He’s sad that they don’t see Harry anymore. I told y’all this slap was a bigger deal to the adults than to the slapee himself. Hugo’s all chill about it. They’re all, “You mean the guy who hit you?” and he’s all, “Whatever, let’s get some lollipops.”

“What? Somebody hit me? Whatchoo talking 'bout?”

“What? Somebody hit me? Whatchoo talking ’bout?”

In a meeting with their lawyer, the lawyer reveals she knows Rosie left Hugo home alone for hours about 5 years ago. Rosie explains she had postpartum depression and had to get out. She just drove and didn’t really even realize what she was doing or where she was going until she was there. When Gary came home, he called the police, and this was reported to child protective services. The lawyer wants to find a way to get that thrown out.

Rosie goes to talk to Hector. She’s pissed because she thinks he was the one who dug up the information about the incident 5 years ago. He calls her totally nuts, which is totally true. I think Rosie might actually have some sort of mental issues. She goes home and her and Gary reminisce about the time they first met and how she thought he was a bear. And then he gets angry and she almost cries. I don’t understand. Is there something wrong with them or is there something wrong with me? Is there a gas leak in here? If you came here looking for clarity on this episode, you’re not gonna find it in this recap.

The Slap - S1E7 - Rosie Sad

For those of you were happy because you thought we were rid of Connie, she’s back!! She shows up at Aisha’s clinic to try to explain nothing happened and Hector stopped it before it became anything. Aisha ain’t trying to hear it. Connie cries and Aisha says she will not comfort her, but then also tells her to go get some sleep. I would have told her to go get something else, but that’s just me.

Rosie goes to see Richie, because she’s hell bent on terrorizing everybody today. He knows she’s there for the pictures and he still refuses to give them over. He almost cries because he doesn’t want to be put in the position where his help sends somebody to prison. She hounds him about how nobody will stand up for Hugo and how he has to.. until his mom tells her to stay away from Richie, because he’s been through enough, and Rosie needs to find herself a new babysitter.

The Slap - S1E7 - Rosie and Richie

And she’s still not done, because next she goes to Harry’s work. He slaps her. I’m kidding. He doesn’t. But wouldn’t that have been a nice turn of events? The circle of life. She tells him things have gotten out of hand. She doesn’t want to drop the charges though, she just wants him to plead no contest. This woman has some balls. If he was willing to plead no contest, he would have reached an agreement three episodes ago when the judge asked them to. He tells her that pleading no contest is what guilty people do and he’s not guilty. He is guilty. He’s as crazy as she is if he’s going to deny he did something he actually did in front of a dozen people. I kind of want Richie to bring those photos now.

Rosie – “This is killing all of us.

Harry – “I wish you’d thought of that before.”

Don’t we all, Harry? Don’t we all? I said this in the very first episode. Was it really worth it? No. The kid doesn’t even know he was slapped anymore and several families are being torn apart. Nice, Rosie. Nice.

The Slap - S1E7 - Harry

“You are such a lie. If only they knew.” – Gary

As soon as she leaves his dealership, he calls his lawyers and they immediately move for dismissal. Gary finds out and comes home and gives her a good tongue thrashing. They fight and she says some nasty things that are pretty uncalled for. Gary’s the only one in this family with any kind of sense remaining and she’s saying and doing ridiculous things.

He says, “You are such a lie. If only they knew.” before walking out. I bet they’ll be divorced soon. I hope the divorce lawyer slaps them all.

Gary goes out, gets drunk, picks up some trashy looking woman, and I guess sleeps with her. They don’t really show it. So maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. She’s in a bed behind him, while he sits in a chair, drinks, and cries. Then he goes home, changes into a suit, and shows up late for trial.

At the trial we’ve all been waiting for, Aisha actually does testify as she said she wouldn’t. She explains that she checked Hugo out after the slap and that while he was crying and his cheek was red, he had no concussion and was fine otherwise.

The Slap - S1E7 - Harry at Trial

Rosie’s testimony is almost sad. She cries a lot, but then she lies and says Hugo is traumatized. She’s quite a drama queen. So many tears. I want to feel bad for her, but I know too much. It’s like feeling bad for a mother animal after it eats its young. Her testimony is enough that Harry and his lawyers know she’s just lost them the case. His lawyer had promised not to personally attack the family, but he’s going to do so now anyway, because otherwise they’ll lose. Harry agrees that he should do whatever he has to do to keep him out of jail.

The lawyer brings up Gary’s alcohol abuse and the fact that Rosie drinks as well, and that both had been drinking the day of the barbecue. And that she’ll drink three or four glasses of wine and then she’ll breastfeed Hugo right afterwards. He pushes her to tell him how much Gary has had to drink and wants to know who exactly was watching Hugo that day while they were too busy getting drunk. The lawyer also brings up the day she drove off and left the baby home alone. She breaks down crying. Even Harry cried. Even I cried! But why? I don’t pity her! Maybe I do. I forgot for a minute who she was and I was like, “Why is everybody so mean to that poor woman?” But then Gary stands up and whispers to their lawyer what I assume is about Richie and his pictures and I remember everything.

The Slap - S1E7 - Rosie on Trial

Meanwhile, we see Richie deleting the photos and in the previews for next week, they actually make him testify. He should never have told anyone he had those photos! His first mistake was taking up photography as a hobby!

About Patti Matteucci (265 Articles)
Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.
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