Previously on The Strain, ‘For Services Rendered’
The Strain delivered another fun outing as some characters we’ve been dying to see together finally hook up. It was so much fun, I am not going to hold the few inconsistencies and a bit of lazy storytelling against it.
Abraham and the CDC team regroup, making sure that none of them are injured after their encounter with Thomas Eichorst. After determining that, at the most, one of them may have shit their pants but they’re not bitten or cut, they talk about the fact that sunlight is their best hope. Since it’s nighttime, Eph suggests creating their own sunlight. This leads them to a medical supply store in Brooklyn, which is closed because it’s the middle of the damn night. Their cabbie pulls off after being paid even though Nora asked him to wait because cabbies on this show are dicks.
Meanwhile, Thomas is hobbling down the subway tracks realizing that, like Danny Glover, he is too old for this shit. He rests on a bench and then sends out some kind of vampire bat signal. I assume his next move is to go soak his leg in some Icy Hot.
Eph and them break into the store much to the chagrin of Nora who, for some reason, is still concerned with being a law-abiding citizen in the face of the vampire apocalypse. Girl, bye.
Once inside, they meet Vasiliy who is already getting his looting on. After some negotiation that began with Vasiliy insisting that he’s going to keep ALL the UV lights, they settle on splitting the 12 lights even stevens. While Vasiliy loads his car, and Eph, Nora, and Jim head across the street to a gas station for food and other supplies, he chats with Abraham who is very impressed with the vermin hunter’s survival skills thus far. Vasiliy insists that the creatures aren’t vampires, but giant rat people. That’s when Abraham spots a few headed for the gas station. He heads across the street and takes one out with his pimp cane and Vasiliy disposes of another with a hammer a la Tyreese from The Walking Dead.
Also in the convenience store? Ke$ha the hacker (so convenient!), who has decided to shop in a gas station with her girlfriend instead of heading for the nearest tropical island with her ill-gotten fortune, a guy who looks like a broke Sean Connery, the gas station attendant, and an old dude stocking the bread shelf and so busy listening to his Whitesnake that at least two people get killed before he removes his earbuds.
Anyway, after Sean Connery eats it, the rest of the team holds up in the store with their UV lights at the ready. Pretty soon, Ke$ha’s girlfriend decides, “Fuck this shit,” and makes a run for it. With moves that would make an NFL running back proud, she bobs and weaves her ass right up the road. And the vamps don’t bother to chase her. You see, before Abraham killed one of the vamps he communicated with it and it reported back to the Master that shit was getting real at the gas station. Why bother with her when the real prize, Abraham, is inside? Bread man and Ke$ha try to make it to his truck, but he’s quickly killed and she takes her ass back inside after tripping over nothing.
Abraham tries to explain how the Master knows they’re there, but Eph doesn’t believe it’s possible for him to see through the eyes of the infected. Abraham has had just about enough of Eph’s shit and asks when will he finally realize that he knows what the fuck he’s talking about?
After noticing a worm in Jim’s face, the group realizes he was infected before they made it inside. While Eph and Nora perform an emergency surgery to get the worm out, Abraham, Vasiliy, Ke$ha, and the attendant all side-eye the fuck outta Jim. Surgery complete, they try to come up with a plan to get out of there as the vamps have taken to trying to break in via the front door and the garage door out back.
Ke$ha and Vasiliy begin to change the tires on a car parked in the connected garage. Abraham continues to be impressed by Vasiliy, looking at him like he was the son he wishes he’d had instead of the one born to him (Eph). Things get even more dire when one of the vamp tries taking out the electricity by damaging the transformer outside. Abraham eventually shoots him in the head, but not before ALL THE LIGHTS GO OUT. And then it went to commercial and I had to go change my panties cause I might have peed a little.
Now the vamps are on the roof and guess what? Jim has ALL THE WORMS. No amount of peroxide and tweezers are going to fix this shit. He wants to die and everyone seems to think it’s a good idea except Eph and Nora, who want to get him to a hospital even though they know that won’t do a bit of good and oh, by the way, they’re fucking trapped in a convenience store. The vamps are about to bust through the roof when Vasiliy has decided he’s had e-fucking-nough and puts a bullet in Jim’s head. Then two more just ’cause.
Eph’s all in his feelings and Vasiliy is like, “You’ll be aight.” They decide to make a run for the bread truck as a group (minus the attendant who ain’t about that life), armed with their guns, nail gun, UV lights, and Eph’s pettiness as he tells Vasiliy he won’t hesitate to return the favor if he’s infected. Oh, Eph.
I’m gonna ignore that all damn night the credit card machines, ATM, lotto machine, etc., haven’t been working, but Vasiliy is able to swipe Eph’s credit card at the gas pump, allowing them to blow shit up and get away. They drive off as the building explodes, killing the vamps and the poor gas station attendant who chose to stay.
Funny Bits and Questions:
- When the group is trying to decide if they want to make a run for the bread truck, Abraham says, “We’ll take a vote. Who wants to stay and die?”
- When Vasiliy gets Eph’s credit card to work, he chooses premium because everyone knows that when someone else is paying for the gas you go premium and you fill that bitch up.
- Where the hell Nora mama at?
- When is Ke$ha gonna tell the group what she did to the internet?
- Ke$ha took that Colt 45 malt liquor to the head, y’all!