Previously on The Strain, ‘Quick and Painless’
I have no idea who these people are or what’s going on.
Quinlan and his driver park a frozen seafood truck on a NYC street, and hop in their fancy luxury car. Why did that happen? Didn’t they leave the airport in the luxury car? Were they just taking the seafood truck out for a stinky joyride?
You know who’s not complaining or asking questions? The homeless dude who just inherited the truck and 2,000 pounds of frozen shrimp.
Oh, and Quinlan can apparently walk around in the daylight.
In D.C., Eph arrives at his friend Robert’s house. Robert is throw-up-in-the-streets hungover, but also hot as hell. He doesn’t press when Eph won’t talk about the gun in his waistband or the bleeding wound on his side. He listens as Eph pitches his plan to get his bio-weapon out to combat the Strigoi virus. Between his contact at a pharmaceutical company and the National Guard, Robert is willing to help Eph.
Robert seems like the type of friend that got Eph’s ass in lots of trouble when he was married to Kelly.
New Zach Might Be Racist
New Zach throws shade to new team member, Fitzwiliam. He might just be acting like a pre-teen, or he might be racist. I can’t tell. He goes to his room to puff on his inhaler. Nora checks in and asks how he’s doing. He’s okay; he’s used to his dad being MIA and neglectful. Then he has a human moment when he asks Nora how she’s doing. I kept waiting for the punchline where he bit her neck or started spewing green pea soup. Who IS this kid?
Gus Is Just Hanging Out in Kitchen Restaurants
Gus is hanging out in the back of the Indian restaurant, pestering Angel while he’s trying to work… as you do during the vampire apocalypse. Finally, probably with the hope of getting Gus to shut the fuck up, Angel admits he was The Silver Angel. Then he hobbles away to find some peace and quiet.
The pretty waitress, whose name I didn’t bother to get two episodes ago because I was hoping we’d never see her again, takes Gus to the basement where she shows him one of the old movies Angel watches over and over again.
Okay. Her name is Aanya and her dad tells her she needs to make a delivery because even though classes are cancelled and people are dying, their restaurant is paying for her education. Gus offers to go with her, but Angel won’t have it. They let her decide and that’s how the three of them came to be delivering $50 worth of Indian food (plus $50 delivery fee) during the VA.
Gus recognizes that Angel is busting his balls because he thinks Gus ain’t shit. Gus saves him the trouble by admitting that, yes, he went to prison and his life pretty much ain’t shit right now. If you’re looking for purpose Gus, there’s a whole vampire apocalypse fighting crew who could use your help. Or you could be doing this. Whatever.
After they deliver the food, a vampire appears in the hall. Gus takes it out, but then another attacks from behind and Angel uses his body to block Aanya from being hit. Gus takes that one out as well, and Angel re-injures his knee.
And I could have done without all of this because it’s stupid and unnecessary.
While Robert and Eph wait for the pharmaceutical contact to arrive, they catch a news report on the bar’s TV: government is acting up. Congress is preparing to impeach the president and senators are throwing elbows on the senate floor. Lovely.
When Lee arrives and learns Eph (Jonathan) works for the CDC, she breaks the news that Barnes died after falling from a train on its way to D.C. You don’t say? She is impressed with Eph’s numbers and pitch, and Robert hints that this cure could be her company’s polio vaccine. She makes some calls.
Prior to this, Eph had refrained from drinking. Now, he drankin’.
Palmer’s White Privilege
Fitzwilliam marks on a map all the places Palmer has been buying up property. What he plans on using the facilitates for, he doesn’t know. Fet finds that convenient, but Fitzwilliam reminds him he didn’t kill Fet and Ke$ha when he had the chance. Fet is all, “You right. Carry on.”
Abraham wonders what Palmer is getting out of this deal with The Master. Duh. Fitzwilliam reveals Palmer believes he’s going to be turned and made The Master’s right-hand Strigoi.
Palmer, that line starts behind Eichorst and it hasn’t moved in more than a century.
What Happens in D.C., Stays in D.C.
Once a meeting with the pharmaceutical company’s CRO is confirmed, Robert takes off to meet his date, leaving Eph to flirt with Lee. They kiss and head to her place to have sex.
I mean, I guess.
The next morning, Rob calls in to check on Eph (Jonathan), which Lee thinks is a bit odd – but we know Eph is a wanted man. She tells Eph he’ll have to sign a non-disclosure agreement before the meeting, which sets Eph off. Either he gives the company exclusivity or they won’t even hear his pitch. Eph signs.
Next, Eph and Robert meet with the National Guard chief who Robert shoots hoops with. I have a hard time believing that man shoots hoops, but okay. After some back and forth, he agrees to make sure the dispersal of the cure happens and requests a canister of it.
That night, Eph meets Lee at a bar where she tells him everything is a go. They head to Robert’s to celebrate, but he’s not home. They head upstairs to have sex in his bed, as you do, and find Robert dead on the floor – shot in the head. The shooter is still there and confirms Eph’s identity by checking his picture on his phone. He shoots Lee twice and Eph once in the arm. Eph shoots him in the head before the killer can finish the job. Before she dies, Lee asks who the hell Eph is. He has no answer.
He does learn the hitman worked for Palmer, thanks to his convenient Stoneheart Group screensaver on his phone.
At least he won’t have to explain having sex with Lee to Nora.
Quinlan is Not Impressed
Quinlan meets with The Ancients to say that New York sucks, they’ve fucked up, and he’ll clean up their mess but he’s gonna need a few things: He wants to know who got close enough to The Master to hurt him and he needs human hunters who can fight during the day. Yeah, he trained Vaughn and the others, but clearly they weren’t on his level.
Also not impressed: Eichorst. Human stupidity and laziness helped in the early stages of their plan, but now it’s getting in the way. (Construction crews work around the soap factory Palmer bought, so I assume this is what he’s referring to.) As he goes over blueprints, Palmer questions Eichorst about The Master and why he’s not able to meet with him. He accuses Eichorst of hiding something from him. The next phase of their plan kicks off the next day and they’re on a tight timetable. Palmer is all, “You tell him to stop avoiding me or that’s his ass.”
Eichorst is all, “For your benefit, I will tell him no such thing.” #StrigoiBars
Nora and New Zach are at the Red Hook command center for clothes… I think. After an inappropriate conversation about their underwear, Zach wanders off to find shoes and Nora checks in with Justine Feraldo. Red Hook is about two days away from being declared plague-free, and then she’s moving on to an area in Manhattan.
So, this was super weird. Nora says she’s not sure if Zach’s dad is going to return and his mother is already turned – and she hasn’t been able to get in contact with Zach’s grandparents. Excuse me? Why does it sound like Nora is trying to give that boy up for adoption when his father has been only been gone about 24 hours?
It’s getting late, so Feraldo has one of her officers drive them home.
Their car is attacked by vampires, including the Feelers and Kelly. After the cop is killed, Nora and Zach run for a church and barricade themselves inside. Zach know it’s his mom. Nora calls the apartment just as Abraham is quoting Shakespeare and telling Fitzwilliam he shouldn’t be hard on himself for his past involvement with Palmer. They grab their weapons and head out.
At the church, The Feelers and Kelly hunt Nora and Zach. Nora psychs Kelly out by leaving Zach’s scarf in a closet and then barricades them inside the room. They’re hiding in the main part of the church when Zach has trouble breathing. Nora is like, “Ain’t nobody got time for your asthma” and clamps a hand over his mouth. They’re about to be found when Abe and crew arrive to the rescue. Kelly and a few Feelers scamper off, but Fitzwilliam takes a stinger to the leg. The others leave while Abraham stays behind to deal with Fitzwilliam.
Homeboy is mid-sentence when Abraham takes his head off.
Don’t You Hate When You Think You Gonna Be The Master, But Then The Master Is Like, “Nah.”
Eichorst leads Bolivar to The Master, telling him how lucky he is to be invited to witness Eichorst’s ascension. The Master rises, butt-ass naked, from his dirt nap and Eichorst kneels to receive him… and not in a sexy way. Eichorst closes his eyes and waits.
Eichorst is all, “Ain’t this a bitch?”
Bolivar becomes The New Master after swallowing all the jelly worms. The Master’s old body falls to the floor and Eichorst weeps over it. Then Bolivar Master removes his wig and is like, “Who’s The Master?”
Eichorst reluctantly replies, “You are. Sho nuff.”