We don’t see the person’s face, but someone picks up a gas can and drags a deer carcass through the grass. Then they get the attention of two walkers outside the prison by pelting them with tennis balls. While they eat the deer, the mystery person uses an axe to bust open the gate that Rick had chained. Then he leaves a bloody heart at the gate.
Oh, whoever he is, he got jokes.
Rick, T-Dawg, Daryl, and Carol are cleaning up the yard. Glenn and Maggie are boning in a guard tower. The two dudes from the week before last (Oscar and Ole Redneck-y Fella) come out to the yard and ask to be allowed to live with the gang. They can’t take it in their cell block filled with the corpses of men they knew. Rick ain’t having it and neither is the rest of the gang. Only T-Dawg seems sympathetic, but he’s outvoted.
At Woodbury, Michonne is snooping around the tank the Governor brought back. When he asks her about staying she slyly points out that the walkers wouldn’t have shot up the tank and isn’t it also funny how not one guy got away from slow-ass walkers? Then she walks off real slow-like, like, “I wish a motherfucker would.”
Old Redneck-y Fella still begs to be allowed in the gang as they ignore him and drive away to finish cleaning up the yard. Oscar tells him to man up.
Michonne makes plans to leave. Andrea questions where they’re going and what they’re going to do. Michonne trusts her gut. She points out that her gut has kept them alive so far.
Hershel wants to take a walk outside, so Lori, Beth, and Carl help him out. Everyone is scattered about the prison yard, smiling, happy, taking in that fresh corpse-ridden air. Something BAD is about to happen.
Sure enough, walkers appear where Lori, Hershel, Carl, and Beth are. All hell breaks loose as Rick, Glenn, and Daryl try to get to them.
Daryl does some Matrix-style zombie killing.
T-Dawg realizes the gate is open and that’s how they’re getting in. He plays the hero to go close it and gets bitten. I’m mad. Fuck this shit!! I don’t want to even recap this shit anymore.
But I have to… I should point out that T-Dawg wouldn’t have been bitten if Carol had just been watching his damn back.
So Hershel and Beth are safely tucked away behind a fence. Wounded, T-Dawg runs inside with Carol. Rick, Daryl, and Glenn finally arrive and from their little cage, Hershel and Beth tell them that T-Dawg was bitten and everyone ran inside. Glenn realizes that the chains were cut. Rick suspects Oscar and Old Redneck-y Fella, but then… an alarm starts going off, calling more zombies. Rick confronts the two convicts and demands to know how this could have happened. Obviously, someone else is running shit right now. He makes them take him to where the backup generator is that has to be fueling the alarm system.
T-Dawg tells Carol it’s God’s plan to lead her to safety before he dies. Carl, Maggie, and Lori are inside surrounded by zombies, and Lori goes into labor because she’s FUCKING USELESS!
Andrea points out where the farmhouse is on a map for Merle. Merle tries to get some ass. Andrea is all, “‘Member that time you called me a whorey lesbian?” Merle wants to go after his brother, but the Governor won’t allow it. He says if Merle gets more info on where Daryl is, he will go with Merle. LIES!
Rick is freaking the fuck out because he can’t find Lori and Carl. He knows someone is fucking with their emotions.
Lori tries to deliver her baby standing up, like a fucking BOSS. She can’t do it because, well, she’s Lori. I kid, I kid. They suspected she’d have to deliver the baby via c-section – remember, Carol was practicing? – and it looks like that’s exactly what needs to happen.
T-Dawg dies saving Carol. *sigh* He rushes two walkers (the same two from the episode’s start) and gets bitten all the hell up so she can make it to a doorway. I sure hope there aren’t zombies on the other side of that door.
Andrea shares a drink with the Governor. He can tell she doesn’t really want to go. He tells her his wife died in a car accident 18 months before the world ended. I don’t believe him. I also suspect that Andrea is playing him. I’m hoping she didn’t evolve to this strong woman who can take out walkers all night just to fall back into someone useless who swoons at the first sight of comfy accommodations and whiskey. He also tells her that his name is Phillip. When she leaves, he looks sad.
Rick, Daryl, and Oscar (Where’s Old Redneck-y Fella?) make it to the generator room. While Daryl holds the door against zombies, Rick is attacked by the mystery person. It’s Andrew! Remember the guy left for dead two weeks ago? Well, seems Rick fucked up there. He made it past those zombies and he’s a little grumpy, apparently. In the struggle, Oscar gets Rick’s gun and Andrew tells him to shoot Rick so they can take their prison back. Instead, Oscar shoots Andrew. Rick is all hands up, worried that he’s next, and Daryl is creeping up behind Oscar like a fucking ninja! Oscar turns over the gun though.
Andrea tells Michonne she wants to stay another day or two. Michonne gives her the Side-Eye of Death.
Lori tells Maggie she has to cut her open and take the baby. Then she tells Carl goodbye, that she loves him, that he is strong and brave and good, that he should always do the right thing, that if something feels wrong he shouldn’t do it cause it’s easy to do the wrong things. She then tells him that he is the best thing she’s ever done. Maggie is crying. Carl is crying. Lori is crying. And suddenly, someone is cutting onions in my house!
Maggie cuts Lori open. Lori screams a few times and passes out. Carl holds open his mom’s uterus while Maggie takes the baby out. After a few tense seconds, the baby breaths and cries.
Shut up, baby! There are zombies around!
Carl says they can’t just leave Lori because she’ll turn. He says he has to do it. He remembers the talk his father gave him in season 2 about “No more kid stuff.” While Maggie checks that the walkers are all gone, we hear a gunshot. Then Carl walks by, cold as ice.
Daryl, Rick, Oscar, and old Redneck-y Fella find what’s left of T-Dawg being eaten by zombies. They take out the zombies. Daryl finds Carol’s dirty turban on the floor. They make it back to Hershel and Beth. Then Maggie and Carl show up with the cooing baby. As Rick realizes what happened, he breaks down on the ground.
And then someone starts cutting more onions in my house!
Remember how last week everyone was all, “This episode is SO boring?” Well, this week, The Walking Dead told everyone to kiss its ass. Also, remember when John said that American Horror Story upped the ante and called The Walking Dead a punkass bitch? Yeah, they can get in line for a little ass kissing, too.
P.S. I spell T-Dawg that way on purpose.
P.P.S. I know Old Redneck-y Fella’s name, but I never feel like using it!