Previously on The Walking Dead, you cried your damn eyes out!
In Woodbury, the sun is shining, kids are running through the streets chasing puppies, and the residents are sipping on cold beverages. One would think a zombie apocalypse isn’t in full effect. But all one would have to do is look at Michonne who is, you guessed it, side-eyeing THE FUCK out of the festivities.
Inside, the Governor is brushing his zombie daughter’s hair. She goes full-on zombie when he hits a tangle. He puts her in a straight jacket and places a pillow case over her head. He soothes her down to a low zombie gurgle. Then he notices Michonne side-eyeing his window.
At the prison, Rick is all spaced out. Daryl quickly takes charge and volunteers to go on a run for baby formula. Maggie agrees to ride shotgun. It’s the least she can do for Lori after slicing her stomach open. Rick comes out of his stupor long enough to grab an axe and head inside. He starts splitting zombie skulls.
The Governor gives a speech to all the residents. They raise their Kool-Aid in salute. Meanwhile, Michonne sneaks inside and gets her sword back. Then she starts nosing through a notebook. There’s a list of names that ends with Penny, but then pages and pages of slashes neatly down the page. She hears a noise in the next room, but before she can investigate, the Governor, Merle, and the scientist come in. She hides and overhears them. The scientist wants a postponement of the night’s activities, but the Governor says no.
Michonne escapes through a window and finds a warehouse with zombies locked up. She grins like, “This my shit right here!” Then she breaks the lock and proceeds to slice and dice through 6 or 7 zombies. I should point out that she had no way of knowing how many were in there when she busted the lock, but Michonne don’t give any kinds of fucks. Someone comes out with a bucket of meat for the zombies, but drops it when they spy Michonne looking like she ain’t tryna take no shit.
I guess the person with the bucket dimed her out because now Michonne is in the
principal’s Governor’s office. She mentions Penny and he looks nervous, but she makes a statement which tells him she really doesn’t know shit about Penny. He guesses that she wants him to kick them out since Andrea wants to stay. He picks up her sword and says they like having her. She should join the research team. Before he can say shit else, she stands up, grabs her sword and points it at his neck. After a few moments of I Will End You staring, she stalks out. Merle comes in. The Governor assures him they don’t have a Michonne problem. He summons Andrea.
Glenn digs a grave. Axel and Oscar offer to help. Hershel tells Glenn that Rick is still inside. Glenn goes to get him while Oscar and Axel dig two more graves.
The Governor tells Andrea he needs her help with Michonne. She wants to know why they were holding Biters (their name for Walkers). He’s not getting into it. He tells her that Michonne makes people nervous and that she is forcing his hand. Andrea confronts Michonne who tries to convince her that the town isn’t what it seems.
Glenn finds Rick in the prison, out of breath, and covered in zombie goo. His axe is dripping with blood. Glenn tries to talk Rick into leaving, but Rick goes full White Boy Crazy and grips Glenn up. Glenn is all, “You right” and leaves Rick the fuck alone.
Merle, the scientist guy who looks like John Ritter, and two more townies go out to a field where there’s a sonar zombie trap of some kind. They have trapped a few zombies in a hole.
Daryl and Maggie find a daycare center and start to loot it. They find baby formula, but also a possum. Daryl shoots it and calls it dinner.
Michonne and Andrea are leaving town when Merle stops them. Andrea FINALLY gets a sniff of shit when Merle has to consult with a guard before letting them out. But then she’s all I TOLD YOU SO when Merle opens the gate. Andrea, dumb bitch, says she’s staying. Michonne says she’s going.
DEUCES! Michonne leaves.
Andrea is all sad because Michonne left. The Governor sits with her and says he’s sorry things didn’t work out with Michonne. He offers her a drink and something to take her mind off of things. A.K.A. some dick. (You KNOW those two are going to do it soon!)
At the prison, Maggie and Daryl return. Daryl holds the baby. What? Is he going to offer her some possum milk? No, he feeds her a bottle of the formula they found. Who knew he was good with a baby? He asks if Carl has a name for the baby and Carl proceeds to name every female who has died on the show. So useless.
Rick finally finds the room with Lori in it. But she’s not there. The blood, goo, and brain matter is, and the bullet from her head, but no body. He finds a blood trail to a zombie with a VERY full belly. Is that zombie pregnant? No. He just ATE LORI.
Let me say that again. The zombie ate the Lori remains.
Rick shoots the zombie then proceeds to stab it’s big belly. I’m not sure if he wants some undigested Lori to bury or what.
At Woodbury, we finally get to see the night’s special festivities. It’s ZOMBIE THUNDERDOME! Merle and another guy fight in a circle while zombies are chained around them. The chains are let out slowly. When Andrea is all, “What in the entire fuck is THIS bullshit?” The Governor explains that it’s all staged because they pull out the Biters’ teeth. She still says it’s barbaric. He says that it’s entertainment and that they’re teaching people to not be afraid. Now Andrea has a full face of “My ass shouldn’t be here.”
Daryl puts a fake flower from the daycare center on Carol’s grave. What did they bury? Her turban? Inside Lori’s death room, Rick is hearing the baby cry and then a phone ringing. He answers it.