Previously on The Walking Dead, “The Key”
The Negan Who Was Promised
It’s been hard to reconcile the promise of Negan with the actual actions of Negan. If you were like me, and the only thing you knew about Negan was that he was going to beat the holy hell out of Glenn’s head matter when he arrived, you were probably expecting the villains to end all villains. Like, Joffrey Baratheon and Ramsey Snow had a baby and that baby was raised by Donald Trump and Bill O’Reilly. And when he finally arrived, he damn sure did beat out all of Glenn’s brain meat, and Abraham’s, and then reduced Rick to a giant snot bubble.
But since then? He’s not that bad. He talks a lot, and dips and leans, and delivers a ton of dick analogies and metaphors. He’s charming as hell, funny, and really seems to believe his warped idea of keeping the peace is the way to go.
His lieutenants on the other hand? Those motherfuckers are crazy. They’ve: kept a member of Hilltop hostage while his brother was instructed to kill Gregory and bring back his head; taken delight in hitting people up for their shit (like mattresses that they later burned); they killed all the men in Oceanside’s original community; they killed New Carl’s brother; and they killed all of the Junkyardigans. And that’s just the shit off the top of my head.
But Negan? He spent time with the teenage boy who tried to kill him (and did kill a few of his men), and then drove him home and made him spaghetti. He did kill Spencer, but Spencer was the worst and had that shit coming so it don’t count. It has felt like the worst of what we expect from Negan has actually come from those reporting to him. And now that he’s “gone,” his righthand man who has been itching to go full Negan does just that.
Maggie tries to end the battle before it begins by threatening to kill her Savior prisoners. Simon don’t give a shit about them, so that didn’t work. After one last “Mr. Negan gonna be maaaaad,” warning from Dwight, shit pops off. Daryl gets his 1-per-half-season shooting while looking cool on a motorcycle shot, the Saviors manage to wound a few people including Tobin and Tara, and then they’re promptly ambushed and forced to retreat.
Flip Flop Season
You might be thinking I mean it’s time to hit up that Old Navy sale ’cause flip flop season is upon us. Nope. I’m talking about the part of The Walking Dead’s half season where characters have the same argument they’ve already had, but this time the roles are reversed so we’re tricked into thinking they’re not recycling the same shit over and over again.
This time, after he witnesses Dwight shoot Tara with an arrow, Daryl wants him dead while Tara is willing to let it go since he also saved her life in the woods. Even after they learn that the Saviors’ weapons were contaminated with walker blood, Tara views her impending death as karmic justice for all the times she tried to kill Dwight when all he wanted to do was help them and make up for his actions. Of course, we know that Dwight’s arrow wasn’t infected, and that by shooting her with it he actually saved her from the certain death Simon’s hatchet was about to bring. I suspect once they figure that out, that will be the reason Daryl goes back to not wanting Dwight dead… just yet.
Cobin Lives; Tobin? Not So Much
My ship! Carol and Tobin reunite after he’s stabbed by a Savior. They finally have the “Where the hell you been?/I needed to go through my shit alone” talk. All is cool and the gang and maybe these two crazy kids will make it after all. Not so fast.
Tobin dies in his sleep, rises again, and eats damn near everyone. They turn and then try to eat all the people Tobin missed. It’s chaos!
RIP, Tobin. I will miss you and your mom jeans.
New Carl is New Carling It Up!
Woo. New Carl is more Old Carl than Carl was when he was Old Carl. This kid is catching bodies, making questionable decisions, and building up his inability to keep his little ass in the house way faster than Old Carl ever did.
He clearly didn’t believe that mess Morgan told him about Gavin being the one who killed his brother, so he takes a gun and the key to the holding pin, and questions the prisoners to find out who needs killing. He’s willing to kill them all, though, ’cause New Carl is more Old Carl than Carl was when he was Old Carl!
Of course his plan goes tits up ’cause children are stupid. When a prisoner rises as a walker, New Carl loses his gun in the confusion and the prisoners escape… with his gun. Some of the prisoners, like TOSWNIDKBTSWMTTWBI (whose new name will be Al From Philly), stay behind to help because 1. Al From Philly is clearly going to be Maggie’s new love interest unless AMC won’t run Lauren Cohan her damn coins and 2. fuck the Saviors; that’s why.
Now New Carl’s little ass is missing. Shoulda stayed in the house.
Other Things That Happened
People kept telling Maggie what a great leader she was so she can feel extra guilty about taunting the Saviors to come there and kill a shitton of people.
Siddiq almost got killed by Rick cause Rick is still Crazy Rick right now. Then Siddiq tried to be Rick’s friend while cleaning his wound but it’s too soon for that shit.
Morgan is seeing Gavin and will apparently follow his ghost all the way to Fear the Walking Dead.
What did you think of the episode? Leave your brief thoughts below, send them to email@example.com, or leave them on the Facebook post for this review, and we’ll read them on tonight’s podcast.
The Walking Dead S8E13 Review Score
"Do Not Send Us Astray"
Starring: Andrew Lincoln, Danai Gurira, Lauren Cohan, Melissa McBride, Lennie James, Norman Reedus, Alanna Masterson, Christian Serratos, Khary Payton