How can I best describe Thors, one of the recent Secret Wars tie-ins? Allow me to pitch it like a Hollywood script: It’s like The Wire meets Marvel. It’s like Law and Order meets Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. It’s like CSI: Pick a Damn City meets… Thor.
The Thors are the peacekeepers in Doomsgard, and this particular series follows the Thors in the Hall of Homicide division. Much like a crime drama television series, the issue kicks off with the Thors looking over a crime scene: a woman has been killed and left in the desert on WeirdWorld where Morgan le Fay is Baroness. It’s the fifth case of its kind in a week which means it’s an Allthing: a high-profile case with lots of media and political scrutiny. Think: a red-ball on Homicide: Life on the Street.
Thorlief (Ultimate Thor) is partnered with Stormbreaker Ray, who looks like a horse, and in charge of the investigation. The opening panels hit all the crime drama tropes: there’s the rookie who almost throws up at the site of maggots in the body, Thorlief is revered by other Thors and has a reputation for getting shit done (he once took in 12 Hulks in one night, the story goes), and there’s the hot head Thor (Rune Thor) who needs to be reminded not to “break” anyone when they’re canvassing the area for witnesses.
Alone with Ray, Lief goes over the details so far: five women were killed somewhere else and their dead bodies were dumped in different realms months later. All five bodies weren’t found until the current week which means the killer wanted them to be found on his or her terms. Before they can get much further, Rune Thor drives a group of suspects (Ghost Riders) back in their direction. After a fight, the Thors round up the Riders to bring them in for questioning.
On Doomgard, Lief and Ray are called before the Lawspeaker (Odin), who yells about the importance of the case and threatens their jobs if they don’t solve it. He is pretty much every angry black police captain or chief on TV. I expected him to lament how he was too old for this shit before he was done.
Next stop is the forensics lab where we meet the quirky smartass forensics specialist Throg, who’s a frog who also carries a hammer. The only bit of info he can offer up is that the women were all from different kingdoms and different ages, but they were all the same woman biologically. It’s official: They’re looking for a serial killer.
That evening, the Thors are winding down at a bar in Manhattan. Ray is leaving to meet with one of his informants and refuses Lief’s company. The two partners part ways with Ray promising not to solve the case while Lief sleeps. Ray meets his informant in an alley. In the shadows, the snitch says he knows there are five bodies, but the women all share one name. He can tell Ray why people are dying, but warns he won’t like what he hears. The informant crawls from the shadows to reveal he’s Loki.
A crack a thunder alerts the Thors in the bar to trouble nearby and they race out. They find Ray in the nearby alley, bleeding to death. Before he dies he tells his partner the name of the women who’ve died: Jane Foster.
- I am all in on this. It’s quirky and silly, but it works. The language we know from Thor’s universe was uniquely applied to all we know about television crime dramas. For instance, when Thorlief calls for help for his slain partner he says, “Officer down! Alert the bifrost.”
- I’m assuming this case will tie-in to whatever brings about the end of Battleworld, assuming that is what happens at the end of Secret Wars.
- The Groot Thor was everything. “I am Thor.”
- So, are Thorlief and Ororo Thor fucking or nah?