Tara body slams Sookie against a tree. Lafayette screams, “Tara, that’s Sookie!”
I get the distinct impression that Tara knows exactly what she’s doing.
Tara bitch-kicks Lafayette and bites Sookie. Pam laughs for a bit, but finally listens to Lafayette’s pleas and grips up Tara. She commands her, as her maker, not to bite Lafayette or Sookie, then tosses Tara into the house, demanding that she stay inside. Before she leaves, Pam heals Sookie’s vamp marks with her blood. Tara proceeds to go all Tasmanian Devil on Sookie’s house.
Eric, Bill, and Eric’s kissing-fuck buddy-sister Nora, are transported to a warehouse with a snazzy underground lair.
Alcide declines to chow down on Marcus’ remains. He’s accused of thinking he’s “above the pack,” Alcide looks on like, “Nah. That’s just nasty.”
Alcide tells the pack he has no interest in being the new pack leader or eating the old one. Marcus’ mom tells Alcide that what he wants is irrelevant. (Is it me, or does she talk like someone who forgot to put in her dentures?)
Alcide leaves with taunts of “Who does he think he is?” and “Punk ass bitch.” (OK. I may have added that last one.)
Terry has a creepy sleepwalking PTSD episode and I’m bored.
Tara proceeds to fuck up Sookie’s kitchen. When she perches on the sink, Sookie volunteers Lafayette to grab her by offering Tara a bottle of True Blood. That doesn’t work, but Tara can’t sink her teeth into him because of Pam’s command. She runs away, screaming. Sookie doesn’t lift not a single finger to help.
Pam arrives at the club and is disappointed to learn that Eric hasn’t been in touch. In a flashback, we see that in 1905, in San Francisco, Pam was a madam and one her girls was murdered and mutilated.
At The Authority warehouse, Nora, Eric, and Bill are tortured in their cells with solar lamps when they won’t reveal where they were going.
Marcus’ mom shows up at Luna’s house, wanting to see Emma. Luna refuses. Grandma says that Emma is a wolf, not a shapeshifter, she can feel it. Luna demands that she leaves. Before she goes, she apologizes to Sam for his injuries. Sam tells Luna that maybe Emma would need the pack if she’s a wolf. Luna pretty basically tells Sam to mind his fucking business and then kicks him out.
Back at Sookie’s, Tara is STILL screaming and fucking shit up. Sookie worries that the sun will be up soon. I’m sad that her house FINALLY started to look like something after Eric bought it last season, and now it’s going back to being a hot ass mess. (Note: This would explain Pam and Tara not needing invitations to enter.)
Lafayette lures Tara out of hiding with his blood. Sookie grabs Tara with silver chains and they head for Eric’s hidey-hole.
On patrol, Andy confesses to Jason that he had sex with a woman who has been blowing him off. Jason assures him that means he’s doing it right. They find Debbie’s abandoned car. At first, Andy pockets the V he finds, but later hands it over to Jason.
Vampire Newlin is now on TV preaching the vampire gospel. Sookie goes to a weapons store to get some vampire protection from Tara. She settles on a vampire silver mister. I know, I know.
Terry is still going PTSD, now at work, and pushes Arlene across the room. He storms out. I’m STILL bored with this storyline.
Sookie gets home and hears Lafayette’s thoughts as he tries to convince himself to stake Tara. Sookie rushes to the hidey hole and talks him out of it. He feels guilty that he did this to Tara, just so he wouldn’t have to lose her. Sookie says they can make a new life for Tara.
At the police station, a kid assaults Jason because Jason had sex with his Mom and now his parents are getting a divorce.
Back in 1905, Pam is attacked in an alley, but saved by Eric after he slices the man’s throat open with his hands.
Eric and Bill are tortured by a member of The Authority after received a Vampire Bible history lesson: vampires were made in God’s image and Adam and Eve’s true purpose was to populate the Earth with humans for food. The Authority is opposed to this and Eric and Bill have to convince them that they are as well. I don’t understand why this is so hard for them to believe. I think Eric and Bill have both proved themselves to be seriously pro-human with the ways they make fools of themselves over Sookie’s dumb ass. But I suppose when you’re busted trying to escape with a believer like Nora, it’s hard to plead your case. They also refuse to admit to killing Nan or revealing anything they know about Nora’s betrayal.
Steve Newlin makes a hilarious entrance to another one of Jessica’s house parties. He offers Jessica money for Jason. She refuses him and they have a hair-pulling, bitch-slap vamp fight.
Arlene pays Terry’s military buddy, Patrick, a visit in his motel room. Not-so-slyly- she tries to find out what’s wrong with Terry. Terry shows up and she demands that the two of them fix whatever the problem is. And you know what? Yup. You guessed it. I’m bored.
Jason shows up at Hoyt’s mama’s house and tries to apologize for boning Jessica… again. Hoyt tells Jason to get lost… again. In front of Hoyt, his mom pretends to hate Jason, too, but secretly she thanks Jason for breaking up Hoyt and Jessica.
Emma turns into a baby wolf. I’m not even kidding.
Tara awakens and declares that she’ll never forgive Sookie or Lafayette. She runs out the house and even the silver mist spray isn’t enough to stop her.
Bill and Eric finally meet Roman, the head of The Authority. He performs a ritual in which the other members drink his blood as he chants in an ancient language.
He lists all their recent fuck-ups including killing Nan. The Authority council members vote on whether or not Eric and Bill should be killed. There’s a seriously over-acting kid vampire who I hope dies soon. Before Roman can pass sentence, Bill offers up a deal. He will spare them if they bring Russell Edgington to justice, for real this time.
Meanwhile, Russell is looking a little better (?) after being pulled from his cement nap.