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True Blood – S5E9 – Everybody Wants to Rule the World

The new Authority wasted no time. The Houston True Blood factory, the largest, is on fire. They watch the news and prepare to feast on a human to celebrate and oh boy! Full frontal ding-a-ling.


Eric enlists the help of the tech vamp who rigged them with their deadly trackers to get the hell up outta there. She tells him they’ll need a chancellor’s blood in order to get past the door’s security.

Lafayette tries to connect with the spirit that terrorized Sookie last week. He’s unable to, but does have a message from Sookie’s gran. She directs Sookie to a box under the bed. He also tells her that he’s been texting Tara, but she only sent back one reply.



Jessica tries to convince the cops that Hoyt is in danger and not an Obama. Luna looks like herself again. She wants to help Sam hunt down the Obamas. During their fighting, they tell each other ‘I love you.’ Terry wants to challenge Patrick to a fair fight, but Arlene is against it.

Tara stops serving True Blood and says they should stockpile. Pam tells her no, they will keep serving it, and when they run out, they will pretend to still be drinking it while they discreetly feed on humans. When Tara tries to bond with her again, asking if she’s worried about Eric, Pam shuts that shit down.




Eric tells Bill that he has a plan to get them out and he better have his religious crisis some place else.


That man can fill a doorway… and a black leather jacket… and tight black pants.

While going through the box, Sookie learns that Sheriff Dearborn discovered her parents’ bodies years ago. She suspects that’s what her Grandma was trying to tell her.

Jason and Andy realize that The Obamas are modeling themselves after a long-dead KKK grand dragon. They question the hospital orderly to find out who the new dragon is, and if he has Hoyt. He tells them to fuck off. What follows is a whole lot of police brutality. 

Alcide remembers being sworn into the pack with Debbie by his Dad.


Sookie visits Bud Dearborn and he confirms that her parents death was suspicious, but at the time they didn’t know about vampires. She reads his mind to get more, but he doesn’t seem to know about Warlow. Before she can leave, a big fat woman knocks Sookie out with a frying pan.

Reporters swarm the police station to question Andy. One wants to know if Barack Obama is behind the shootings and kidnappings. Funny, I didn’t see a FOX News truck in the background.

Andy refuses Luna and Sam’s help after they tell him they got a scent of pigs off the guy they were questioning. Patrick shows up as Arlene is about to open Merlotte’s and pulls a gun on her. He instructs her to call Lafayette and tell him not to come to work.

Sookie wakes up in a pig pen and finds Hoyt knocked out as well. Her Fairy Juice is running low, conveniently. An Obama comes in and finds she’s awake.

At the police station, Jason and Andy try to find a connection between The Obamas to figure out who the Dragon is. They watch a video on the group’s hate site and realize the Dragon is wearing the boots Bud got at his retirement party. Just as they figure it out, two flies buzz by – Luna and Sam.

The big fat woman, Sweetie, shows up in the pen and hypes up Bud and two Obamas to hurt Sookie and Hoyt. Sookie reads her mind and realizes she was dumped for a shifter so she’s all “down with supes for America!” Bud forces Sookie to drink some spiked ginger ale.

Jason, Andy, and other cops show up at Bud’s house and find it empty, but Jason sees a pic of Bud’s wife and remembers that she was his teacher and owned a pig farm.

Terry shows up at Merlotte’s. Terry and Patrick fight over the gun, but Arlene gets it and pulls it on Patrick before he can harm Terry.

Eric questions Nora and asks how she went from being politically ambitious to being with Salome. She said Salome would sneak her some of Lilith’s blood while Roman was sleeping. He tells her he doesn’t want to fight with her anymore. Meanwhile, Bill and Salome are in bed and she tells him Lilith has chosen him to be her new Adam. He has sex with her and pictures Sookie. When he bites her, he starts tripping again and sees Lilith since her blood is in Salome.

At the pig farm, Bud, Sweetie, and The Obamas are about to feed Sookie to the pigs when one pig turns into Sam. Sweetie runs out. Sam fights them off until Andy, Jason, and the other cops arrive. Andy kills Bud. Luna, as a dog, chases down the fat bitch and beats dat ass! Jason tries to get Hoyt to wake up.

At Merlotte’s, Patrick pleads with Terry not to kill him while Arlene eggs him on. The woman who cursed them appears and tells Terry to do what’s right. Terry lights Partrick up! DAAAMN. The Ifrit appears and takes Patrick’s body away and hopefully this horrible storyline is over.

At Fangtasia, Pam confronts a vamp who is sitting in Eric’s throne and feeding on a human. He’s the new Sheriff of Area 5, appointed by The Authority and instructs all the vamps in the bar to grab a human.

Russell takes Steve Newlin to the werewolves, telling him he hasn’t tasted anything until he feeds on a wolf on V. As we suspected, Russell is the vampire friend JD was referring to. Russell starts to feed all the wolves his blood. Martha refuses to drink and Russell takes wolf Emma and gives her to Steve. JD tries to stop him, but Russell grips him up. Right about now, the whole pack is feeling like this…


Alcide arrives at his dad’s trailer to find him drinking and watching a game. His Dad admits to have money on the game, spending his whole disability check. He tells his dad that he lost pack master and that he’s been abjured.

Sookie watches the news and there has been two more True Blood factory bombings. Her fairy cousins arrive and tell her the vampires are behind it all.

Eric thinks he’s about to escape with a knocked out Nora and the tech girl, but Bill betrays them. He says it’s what God wants.


About Nina Perez (1391 Articles)
Nina Perez is the founder of Project Fandom. She is also the author of a YA series of books, "The Twin Prophecies," and a collection of essays titled, "Blog It Out, B*tch." Her latest books, a contemporary romance 6-book series titled Sharing Space, are now available on for Kindle download. She has a degree in journalism, works in social media, lives in Portland, Oregon, and loves Idris Elba. When not watching massive amounts of British television or writing, she is sketching plans to build her very own TARDIS. She watches more television than anyone you know and she's totally fine with that.

4 Comments on True Blood – S5E9 – Everybody Wants to Rule the World

  1. it was so weird when the credits music started playing over the show… i expected them to jump up in the air and freezeframe …

  2. The Oprah and Gayle bit is the comment of the week. Ha ha ha ha!

  3. “Keep your head down and your tits up and keep serving true blood.” Love Pam!

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