After last week’s bloody premiere, this week’s episode began with Warlow making his grand entrance into Bon Temps through some weird-ass portal. After mindfucking us last week by having viewers believe the disappearing creepy guy in the car with Jason was Warlow, we learn in the first five minutes that it was really his (and Sookie’s), Fairy Grandfather (and the King of all the fairies), Naill. He has come to help Sookie and Hodor…err, I mean Jason, lay a serious fairy smack down to Warlows scary ass. How it’s gonna turn out is as good as anyone’s guess, but it seems they’re off to a good start by training Sookie, who learns she can channel all of her magic into one energy ball, to try and defeat Warlow — but she can only use it once, so don’t expect her to go all Call of Duty with it.
Billith the Fortune Teller and the Contortionist
Billith spends most of the episode in a catatonic state while Jessica tries to slap some damn sense into him, literally, and is all, “Focus, damnit!”, she has some sort of meltdown and decides the only thing that will help Bill is to eat. Obviously.
Enter: Veronica from Edible Humans. Let’s just all go on record right now and say that the Cirque du Soleil type shit that went on with Veronica was insane. Billith contorted the fuck out of that woman’s body and then, without coming out of his vamp-coma, straight up drained and digested all the blood from her body without even touching her. Jesus. It was good TV, y’all.
While Billith’s body is in zombie-mode, his mind is visiting Lilith in her well-manicured garden. Lilith tells Bill that by drinking her blood, he has been chosen to complete her work. We never really find out what that is or what the hell Bill is (although we know he is not God. Hallelujah!) because Jess interrupts his dream-convo by attempting to slap him back into reality.
Billith finally wakes up towards the end of the episode and we learn that he can now see the future and feel all the pain of the vampires and has a vision and tells Jessica that they are, “all gonna burn.” Shit. Heavy stuff, man.
Eric is a Suave Son-of-a-bitch
Eric disguises himself as a nerdy representative from the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries to talk about the whooping crane and gets a meeting with the Governor of Louisiana. After some cryptic analogies about a whooping crane in relation to vampires, Eric decides to get straight to the point and attempts to glamour the governor into loving all vamps. The governor plays along for a minute but then calls his guards to arrest Eric. He was super shocked to discover the governor is immune to his glamouring, just as the governor’s guards were super shocked to discover that vampires can fly. (I believe, “Oh shit, they can fly?” was their exact response.)
Eric returns later to do what he does best and charms the shit out the governor’s daughter, Willa, by glamouring her after she has removed her special glamour-proof contacts.
Shifters Don’t Come Out of the Closet, Dummy
At Merlotte’s, Arlene sits a group of out-of-town hipsters. We learn that one of them is Nicole Wright, co-founder of the Vampire Unity Society, and she wants Sam to come out publicly and tell his story to inspire other supernatural creatures to do the same. Sam tells her ass to have several thousand seats cause he is not about to be the poster-shifter for all the supernats. She gives him her business card, ya know, in case he changes his mind and stuff.
Meanwhile, back at Sam’s house, Lafayette earns his title as “The Best Babysitter in Life” by playing a mean game of dress-up with Luna’s daughter, Emma. Later, right after Sam arrives home, Alcide, Martha, and that threesome broad from the premiere, Danielle (where the shit was Rikki?) pulled up because Alcide thinks it’s best that Emma come with them now that the Feds are going to be looking for her and shifters have been exposed. Sam argues that the last time they trusted the pack with Emma, Russell had gotten ahold of her and Sam had found her in a goddamn dog cage. Luna died to keep Emma safe, and Sam was going to honor his word, like a boss. Lafayette came out to say that Emma wanted to stay with Sam, and then Emma ran out saying it. Martha grabbed her, and Sam punched Alcide. As those two went all WWE on each other, Danielle beat on Lafayette. Oh, hell naw! Now we all hate Danielle, right? Right.
Also, The Vampire Unity Society hipsters were lurking in the woods taking pictures of all this shit going down.
Well, Damn. Is Sookie Moving on Already?!
When we meet back up with Sookie, she’s sleeping like the princess she is when Arlene wakes her with a call to remind her that she is still a plebe like the rest of them and she had better get her ass out of dreamland and into Merlotte’s to wait some damn tables.
On her walk to work, Sookie hears a man crying out in pain in the woods. She wasn’t going to stop, but then she did. (Of course she did.) Turns out, his name is Ben, he’s half fairy, too, and he’d been attacked by a vampire who’d smelled his blood. Sookie took him back to her couch, where all love affairs begin. He said she reminded him of his high school sweetheart, only Sookie was nicer (we all know that’s code for, “let’s get it on”), and then he fell asleep.
When he wakes up, Ben and Sookie converse about what a fucking drag it is to be a fairy and Sookie tells him how she wants to toss her fairy light into the trash so she can be normal. Ben talks about fairy dangers in the big scary world and Sookie offers to walk him to a “safe place for fairies”. Arlene is REALLY gonna be pissed at Sookies time-management skills now. Buy a watch, Sook!
Just a Bite
This week also gave us some random plot tidbits that we could really do nothing with. The first comes in at Merlotte’s where Patrick’s pregnant wife showed up to ask Terry if Patrick had run out on her. Before Terry could tell her the truth, Arlene stepped in and said yes, he’d left her. Do we think that’s the last we’ll hear of Patrick? Let’s hope. That smoke-monster storyline was bullshit.
The second came in at Fangtasia where Nora continues her vampire bible thumping ways by trying to come up with a different interpretation of a passage in the vampire bible. She thinks she’s on to something and before she hightails it out of there to see if she’s right, she and Pam have another awkward-ass convo where she tells Pam that Eric loves her and she is what “he is most proud of.” And now we all like Nora again. Also, Eric saved the shit out of Tara by removing the silver bullet that emits UV light before it, in Pams words, “baked her like a rotisserie.” Pam and Tara make up. Bout time.
The third is Andy and his 4 precocious half-fairy tots. He’s really trying to be a good dad, but let’s be honest…he’s clueless. He takes them back to where the fairy dimension meets a Bon Temp field in an effort to have their mother, Morella, help with them. Poor Andy.