Previously on True Blood, ‘Fire in the Hole’
My fellow Truebies, I think I speak for all of us when I say that it’s about goddamn time we got a decent episode out of this season. There was a lot of character work and filler in the first half, but by episode’s end I felt like the writers on this show finally started to give a fuck about us… and they did it all without killing off anyone we actually liked.
We begin in Jackson, Mississippi where Alcide’s father, Jackson “Big Daddy” Herveaux, receives a phone call from Sookie telling him that Alcide had died a naked and beautiful death and that Sookie selfishly turned down the chance to bring him back. He tells Sookie that Alcide “loved the fuck” out of her and she unconvincingly replies that she “loved him too.” While Sookie’s on the horn with Big Daddy, Jason calls Hoyt, who’s now in Alaska, to break the news that Momma Fortenberry is dead. Hoyt can’t remember Jason because Jessica glamoured him at the end of season 5 and Jason is all up in his feelings about it because they were BFF’s. This leads Sookie to tell him to basically pick his balls up out of the dirt and place them back where they belong because now isn’t the time for bitch shit.
Sookie and Jason head over to sell dreams to Arlene’s kids, Lisa and Coby, about their mother’s safe return and then try to help Holly remember what the fuck happened to her, Arlene, and Nicole before the night at the creek. Sookie uses her super cool party trick mind probing abilities to dig into Holly’s memories to reveal the ginormous elephant that’s been standing in the middle of the room for an entire three episodes: THE HEP-V VAMPIRES ARE HOLDING THEIR FRIENDS HOSTAGE AT THE VAMPIRE BAR, FANTASIA. WELL FUCKING, DUH. Sookie gets what she wants from Holly and flees, leaving her crumpled on the floor, a sobbing ass mess without so much as a twenty dollar bill on the nightstand.
GET THAT BITCH A LAFAYETTE SAMMICH
Jessica’s “situation” was finally addressed, as James, Bill, and Sookie held an impromtu intervention after discovering that Jess has basically not eaten since she ate all but one of Andy’s halfling daughters. She’s super traumatized and just can’t bring herself to drink from another innocent person again. Sookie, wearing a schluppy Walmart T-shirt that’s 3 sizes too big, gives her a brutal tough-love speech about how she gives no fucks about Jessica’s guilt or self-imposed vamporexia, she just wants her to feed in order to be strong enough to find her fucking friends. Sookie asks James to call up his human, LaFayette, who brought Jess around by confessing that he murdered the love of his life, Jesus, and still has not forgiven himself for it. James stands around clueless, but that’s okay because he’s cute so we’ll let it slide. LaFayette has been a hot fucking mess on this show since the season of unfortunate events so it’s nice to see him sober and out of his house. We want good things for LaFayette, y’all. We really do.
“OH PERFECT, SOOKIE’S HERE.”
We meet up with the Beyonce and Jay-Z of the vampire world Eric and Pam on a private jet as they make their way back to the U.S. to execute their plan to execute Sarah “Numi” Newlin. Eric wants to make a pit stop in Shreveport, to say goodbye to Willa, his last progeny, before he dies. During their flight, we learn the origins of Fangtasia. Back in ’80s, after they pissed off the Authority in the Rhone Valley, part of their punishment was exile in Shreveport and the task of running an adult-video store. In a flashback fast-forward to 2006, everyone’s favorite vamp-groupie, Ginger now works for them and had the idea to turn the spot into a nightclub with stripper poles called Fangtasia, because Eric was basically “sex on a throne.” (I mean, if that isn’t the most accurate description of Eric Northman, I don’t know what is.) Pam liked the idea so much that she glamoured Ginger into believing that Pam was actually the one who came up with the idea. Eric affectionately calls her a bitch for doing so. I think Pam is totally entitled to that morally suspect decision and I’m going to pretend the rest of you agree with me.
While Bill and Sookie gather their sad vamp army and forge a plan to save Arlene and Nicole, there’s a knock at the door, and it’s Eric and Pam. Bill opens the door for the duo and Eric greets him with, “Pam told me you wrote a book in which you claim not to be an asshole.” Pam hears Sookie’s voice in the background and meets it with an eye-roll and sarcastically toned, “Oh perfect, Sookie’s here.” Eric embraces his long-lost dangerwhore and tells her about his Hep-v infection. Pam interrupts their little reunion by telling Eric, “Need I remind you, we have a Christian to kill,” and with that Eric summons Willa, who’s paying to drink from a dude in an alley, and Bill leads Eric and Sookie into another room where the two can have some privacy and catch each other up on their individual shitshows.
A rightfully pissed-off Willa interrupts their conversation, and though Eric is happy to see her, she wants him to explain why he left her when she was less than two weeks old. She doesn’t care what Sookie needs first—which Sookie totally gets—but Eric commands her as her maker to let this go for now.
In our flashback to the inception of Fangtasia, we learned that there were some sort of secret underground tunnels beneath the building. Eric tells Bill about the tunnels and how they can use them to get inside and give the Hep-v vamps a much needed true death and save Arlene and Nicole. Pam isn’t pleased with Eric’s decision to stay and help but goes along for the ride, anyway. Sam goes in first, shapeshifting into a rat, to warn the ladies not to scream when the good vampires come through. Arlene’s reaction: “I’m sorry, were you just a rat?” “Please don’t turn into a rat… He did. He turned into a rat.” Of course, as Sam returns outside, an H-Vamp comes downstairs to grab the next victim, Arlene. Eric has difficulty punching down the wall into the tunnel due to his infection rendering him physically weak. It’s hard to see him struggle, and Bill finally takes over. When Bill and Pam finally make it to the dungeon, they see that Arlene has been taken upstairs.
As the H-vamps feed on Arlene, Pam warns Bill not to risk everything and be a solo hero because shit is never gonna happen with Sookie. Pam leads Arlene and Nicole out, and as Bill waits for his backup, there’s a knock at the door. Sookie has enlisted Eric to help her stall. He pretends he’s an H-vamp looking for shelter. He’s brought his own human and says he’s willing to share. When the scariest-looking vamp—the one who killed Tara—tells Sookie to open her legs so he can drink from her “nasty place,” Eric tells him to have a fucking seat and show her the respect she deserves. The good vamps are in position and the battle is about to start, but that’s when tiny-dick Vince’s vigilantes show up with homemade fire bombs and chuck them into Fangtasia. The good vamps have to retreat through the tunnel and the H-vamps run out the front. A few are killed by vigilante bullets, but most of them survive long enough to have a slo-mo fight with Bill’s makeshift army in the parking lot.
I SEE DEAD PEOPLE
Inside, Arlene is dyin’, y’all. Talking that almost-dead talk about seeing Terry, when Sookie says Arlene needs a healthy vampire to give her blood and save her. Bill rushes in to save Eric from an H-vamp trying to stake him from behind. Pam puts out the fire with an extinguisher like a boss and goes off to set a tiny-dick vigilante talking about more fire, on fire. Before Bill can help Arlene, Jessica summons him because Vince is about to shoot her and then the best thing happens: BILL STAKES TINY-DICK IN THE DOME. Amen.
Arlene has some great almost-dead scenes with her dead boo, Terry. They talk about the kids and how Terry loves her. It was really well done and I think it would have been appreciated more had they not taken out Tara and Alcide the way they did. This, for all of its greatness, just felt like a slap in the face because we didn’t get to see it in the prior episodes like we should have.
Sookie cradles Arlene, whose tears are pooling in her eyes, and tries to tell her that the real Terry wouldn’t be calling her to the afterlife and that he’d want her to stay and raise her kids. Sookie holds Arlene’s hand and sees that Terry really is there. Jason shoots and kills a lurking H-vamp, and drummer Keith is ready to feed Arlene his blood. Terry bends down and asks Arlene about the kids. He tells her to stay with them, and she agrees and their conversation ends with him telling her to be happy. Arlene comes to, and Sookie introduces her to Keith, her hunky vampire in shining armor.
The episode ends with the good vamps as the undefeated vamp champs of Bon Temps. Pam has a scary moment when she can’t find Eric but is quickly comforted by the site of him feeding off a dead girl and he stoically bids Sookie and Co. a silent adieu before presumably venturing off to kill Sara Newlin.
Till next week, Trubies.