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True Blood – S7E5 – Lost Cause

Previously on True Blood, ‘Death is Not the End’

This week’s episode reminded us exactly what season 7 may be for all of us Truebies. Last week’s episode was so great. We should’ve known that was a fluke. I know this show has an inevitable finish line to reach, but it feels like the writers are trying to get the characters where they need them to be and saying “fuck it” to a storyline that makes any sense and that doesn’t feel forced.

IT’S A CELEBRATION, BITCHES.

We open with a glazed over Sookie, who is back at home after last week’s victory against the Hep-V vamps, standing in her house, starting to feel the weight of everything that’s transpired over the past few episodes. Lafayette and James are there to comfort her and Lafayette tells her to get some damn sleep.

Fast forward to a good 36 hours later and Sookie awakes to find a Lafayette setting up the smorgasbord (Seriously? Did you see that spread?!) that will soon feed what’s left of the town of Bon Temps. While she was taking her power nap, Alcide’s father, Jackson, arrived and he and Lafayette decided to throw one hell of a grieving house party. At first, Sookie isn’t for the idea of staging what Lafayette calls a “Celebration of Life” while Alcide’s body is still warm, especially if she’s the one who has to clean up after everyone else goes home, but changes her mind when Bill shows up early, toting flowers. Of course.

Here’s my first problem with this episode: Last season they did a nice job with Terry’s funeral, but it seems they have run out of fucks to give about anyone else, because the goodbye Tara and Alcide get in this episode is pretty sad. It’s basically 30 seconds of mourning and a toast to their legacy. “We’re really sad these motherfuckers are dead, but whatareyougonnado?! Let’s party!” I mean, that’s not a direct quote but it might as well have been. Lettie Mae even shows up after drugging her sweet husband to come and say a few nonalcoholic words about Tara.

Sookie proceeds to get shitfaced and starts drunkenly faerie-gliding through her house, hearing the thoughts of her guests who are finally on #TeamSookie. Jessica is pouting at the party and Sheriff Andy comes to tell her that watching her punish herself only keeps his pain alive. He wants to move on, but can’t without her help. She offers him anything, but all he wants is a ring to use to propose to Holly. Jessica finds him the closest one, which happens to be Sookie’s and Jason’s grandma’s ring. Jason laments that he was going to use it for his special girl and Voilet puts him down, again. Jason, accepting his fate as Violet’s Bitch, happily offers the ring to Andy, and in the middle of the celebration to life, he proposes. That’s when Arlene notices that Sookie is near tears and sneaks her upstairs to have a good cry. As Sookie unloads on Arlene, Alcide’s dad eavesdrops on their girl talk about love and loss and the benefits of time and tequila. Tequila will heal your pain, y’all.

True Blood Andy

James is frustrated that Jessica has been distant lately and won’t leave the party with him. He finds comfort in Lafayette’s arms and lips and then it happens: Lafayette FINALLY gets some. Unfortunately, it was with James and Jessica catches them in the act when she spots the car she and James bought together, rocking back and forth like there were hydraulics in that bitch. She screams at them both and when James tries to chase her into the house she makes Jason rescind his invitation.

True Blood James and Lafayette

Voilet allows her bitch boy Jason to go comfort Jessica and Jason tells her she needs to accept the fact that James is gay. Lafayette tries to smooth over the awkward situation and apologize, but Jess isn’t trying to hear it. Lafayette leaves and then returns to put Jess in her place, ultimately telling her, “If you don’t love him, let him go and I will take over from here.” Well, damn. Jessica isn’t sad about James for too long, because 10 minutes later she’s fucking Jason on a chair. Violet hears them through the door as she comes to find Jason so we know that won’t fucking end well. That bitch is crazy.

Back at the party, Lettie Mae was up to her usual tricks. She stabbed Willa and all the fangs came out. She claimed that Tara had been contacting her from the other side and that was the only way to connect back. After that, a super pregnant Nicole flipped out about all the crazy shit that’s happened to all of them in that town and how everyone seems to be ignoring all of it. Run, Nicole.

REPUBLICUNT

Pam tells Willa they’re going to kill Sarah Newlin and Willa is so pissed about Eric abandoning her that she’s not having any of it. She tells Eric that Tara taught her everything and how he and Pam were terrible makers to them both. Willa agrees to help them find Sarah on one condition: She wants Eric to release her. Eric reluctantly does so and Willa spills the beans about Sarah having a secret vampire sister in Dallas named Amber.

Eric and Pam hit up Dallas and immediately find a not-so-hidden Amber. Like Eric, she was infected with the Hep V virus and hated Sarah’s guts. When she asked if they were planning to kill Sarah, Eric said, “There’s a real good chance that’s what’s going to go down.” Unsurprisingly, Amber was all for ending Sarah’s life. According to her, Sarah had just gotten to Dallas and was going to cry to mommy and daddy at the Ted Cruz gala at the Bush Library. But, only assholes were invited to the party, Amber said. Eric replied, “We can be assholes.” Yes. Yes, they can.

The duo get all gussied up, Republican style (did you see that 10-gallon hat on Eric’s beautiful head?), and make their way to the event. There’s plenty of Republican digs and the scene looks like something out of the actual show, Dallas.

At the fundraiser, Sarah finds her mother in the ladies’ room. Her mother is hesitant to help her, because a book was published revealing that Sarah helped create Hep-V and the infected vamps. Sarah wants to talk to Laura Bush, but since she’s not at the party, her mother will have to do. Sarah explains that the Yakuza is after her and, in typical True Blood fashion; the Yakuza gang shoots its way into the fundraiser killing everyone in sight, looking for Sarah. She and her mother run, but not fast enough. Her mother falls and gets a few caps in her ass and Sarah keeps going, straight into Eric’s clutches. He’s about to kill her, when the Yakuza — who aren’t really the Yakuza, but the Yakinomo corporate ninjas — arrive. He drops her and goes after them. He then rips the man’s jaw right out of his goddamn face. It was disgusting and glorious.

True Blood Eric and Sarah

WELL, FUCK.

Back in Bon Temps, Bill is having pointless flashbacks again. After a flashback to contemplating his death in the midst of the Civil War, he heads inside his house to take a bath. As he stands, shirtless, in the mirror he sees it: the Hep-V black vein curling up through the middle of his chest.

I don’t know if I’m happy or sad about this, Truebies. This Hep-V shit ain’t no joke.

True Blood Bill

About Margeaux Britti (15 Articles)
Margeaux is a Game of Thrones addict and contributor to Project Fandom. She'll be doing weekly recaps of True Blood like only a Trubie can.

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