Previously on True Blood, ‘Lost Cause’
Hey, Truebies! I’m filling in for Margeaux this week and since I’m going to see Beyonce in three days, you can best believe nothing can bring me down. Not even a subpar episode of True Blood. Thankfully, this one had a few redeeming moments after a rough start.
Bill’s Hep-V is spreading faster than Sookie’s legs. He makes arrangements to see a doctor and then a lawyer to get his estate in order. Jessica overhears this, but doesn’t let on that she knows. And Bill’s sorry to hear about Jessica’s fight with James, but he has to go because, well, dying.
This Hep-V disease has become lucrative for a lot of people: Anubis Taxi Service charging extra to drive home vamps (and transport their cars) after a long wait in the overflowing clinics, and a lawyer who tries to extort $10 million out of Bill in order to rush his adoption of Jessica to the front of the line. You see, Bill cannot legally leave his progeny his assets without adopting her and his disease is progressing faster than anything they’ve seen. He won’t live long enough to go through normal channels. Thankfully, Bill kills that bitch with a letter opener and leaves.
Lafayette agrees to take in Lettie Mae for the night since she can’t be trusted alone and her husband is knocked the fuck out. James is crashing there too since he’s not exactly welcomed at Jessica’s. James talks Lafayette into letting Lettie Mae have a sip of his blood so she can communicate with Tara. Lafayette’s one condition is that he will do it too and then they’re shutting this shit down.
It works because Lafayette and Lettie Mae find Tara on a cross, wrapped up in Britney Spears’ snake, and speaking in tongues. They let her down and follow her through the woods to a house she used to live in when she was a kid. She starts digging in the yard, but Lettie Mae’s husband wakes them before it goes further.
He makes her choose: “It’s the V or me.” She tries to tell him it’s not about getting high off the V. She knows Tara is trying to tell her something and she’s not going to ignore it. Welp. Pastor, take your ass back home.
Nicole has had e-nough of this bullshit. She’s going home to her people, for good. She wants Sam to come, too, but Bon Temps is his home. That’s some bitch shit, as Margeaux would say. Wrong fucking answer, Sam. Wrong answer. He has until tomorrow to get his shit together.
Jason’s Dumb Ass
Jason comes bopping his happy ass in his house and finds Violet half naked and DTF. She apologizes for being herself and then blows him. I can’t think of anything more frightening than having your aggressive vampire girlfriend put your genitals in her mouth when she may be able to smell the chick you were just with on your crotch. Later, Jessica calls Jason and asks him to come over with Sookie. When he leaves, Violet goes all Tasmanian Devil on the bedroom, smashing shit and just being scary as fuck.
Jason brings Sookie to Bill’s house and Jessica delivers the news that Bill has Hep-V. Sookie realizes that she was infected when the vamps were killed next to her and her open wound. She goes to get re-tested to confirm. Everything is Sookie’s fault. Everything. Sookie gets her test results and has to go tell Jessica that she killed her daddy. Jessica hugs her and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want Jessica to rip her head off and drink from her spinal cord.
Bill comes home to find the two of them crying on the steps.
Andy catches Adilyn in bed with Wade and he tries really hard to put his foot up that boy’s ass, but Holly intervenes. She takes her son home and warns Andy not to be laying hands on him.
Arlene talks Holly into working it out with Andy, but the kids have already run off together to Fort Bellefour, which is really just a big-ass treehouse. Remember? For some dam reason, they don’t even get there before nightfall, and Violet gets there first and offers the two lovebirds a safe place to stay.
Eric and Pam
Eric and Pam are captured by the Japanese Ninja Corporation… or whatever. They’re about to be killed when Pam brokers a deal: They’ll tell them where Sarah Newlin is, Eric will kill her, and they’ll get to keep the body. To do what with? I have no fucking clue. They agree to hit up Sarah’s sister’s place by nightfall.
Sarah gets there first, but her sister Amber is too sick to kill her and ends up passing out. When she awakens, Sarah reveals that she downed a vial of the antidote to Hep-V and now the cure is in her. Gotta give it to her raggedy ass. She made herself valuable.
By the time Eric, Pam, and the Ninjas roll up Saint’s Row style, Sarah is gone and Amber is cured.