Previously on True Blood, ‘Almost Home’
I’m just gonna say it: I liked this episode. Yeah, I talked shit on Twitter (#PFTB) like everyone else, but in the end, it wasn’t a bad penultimate episode. And it’s all because of these three characters:
Who woulda thunk that sheltered, spoiled, and uber religious Jessica would become the true heart of this show? I can’t help but feel like she’s the heroine everyone is rooting for. She’s the one we want to have a happy ending – if one is even possible on this show – not Sookie. After Bill refuses to drink Sarah Newlin’s blood, Sookie slaps the shit out of him a few times and Jessica insists that Bill release her. It makes sense. He can’t bequeath her any of his assets and if he’s determined to die, why should she experience that gut wrenching pain when he goes? Bill releasing her was one of the best scenes of the entire series and though it was painful (Like being kicked in the cooch, according to Pam), it was like ripping the Band-aid off, experiencing the pain quickly, and getting it over with.
After she makes peace with Lafayette and James, she heads for Hoyt’s house. Bad timing on her part as he JUST got done telling Bridgette that he is not interested in Jessica. She tells him that they used to be together before she fucked it all up. Hoyt chooses going to hear the rest of the story from Jessica over Bridgette. Bridgette calls Jason because he’s the only other person she knows in town. When he hears that Jessica and Hoyt are going down memory lane, he rushes over to do… what exactly? I don’t know. But by the time he gets there, Hoyt has heard the whole thing and knocks Jason on his ass. Now, to be fair, he’d already jumped in dat ass when he first found out about the affair, but since this is technically also the first time he is finding out about the affair, I’ll allow it.
Bridgette ends up spending the night at Jason’s after he helps her secure a flight to Alaska for the next day. They don’t have sex, but they sleep in the same bed and bond over nonsense. Since I really thought Jason would end up dead at the end of this, I’m ambivalent to this development. And we have one more episode left so he very well could die.
But back to the good shit: Jessica explains to Hoyt that she was young and foolish when they were together, but it’s all out of her system now. As Jason narrates the story of Hoyt and Jessica to Bridgette, Hoyt and Jessica are making sweet, sweet love in his mother’s shitty house.
Speaking of character growth, Arlene is now the town’s sage, apparently, handing out life lessons while sashaying around
Merlotte’s Belleflour’s in a hot red dress like she’s the owner of a five-star establishment and not some dive shit-bar that has seen more death than two world wars. But she’s happy. And again, the show is (so far) handing out happy endings to the people who deserve them most. When she tells Sookie that she and Keith are taking it slow and not having sex, you can practically smell the sparks as Sookie’s brain misfires. She just can’t comprehend someone not immediately fucking the first vampire who looks at you twice.
Eric tries to talk some sense into Bill, telling him he needs to reconsider taking the cure for Sookie’s sake. Now, I’m not sure if I’m gonna get this next part right, but it really seemed to me as if Bill basically says Sookie ain’t all that. He tells Eric that if it weren’t for her fairy light, they wouldn’t have been as drawn to her as they were and she’s only drawn to them because she’s a dangerwhore. Again, not sure if that’s what he was getting at, but I’m gonna go with yes because that shit is accurate. He wants to “call on Sookie” later that night and asks Eric to go talk to her for him.
Meanwhile, Pam is bored at Fangtasia and decides to dye Sarah’s hair back to blonde. She glamours her into keep her fat yap shut and tells her a sweet tale a hooker who didn’t know her place. She tells Sarah that she could very well be the highest-paid trollop in history once vampires realize that NuBlood isn’t a cure, but she is.
Eric arrives at Merlotte’s and tells Sookie that Bill wants a chance to explain his decision and then he gives her a lift home in his arms. Cause he can fly. And he’s hot. She invites him in the house because Sookie is #TeamTooMuch. He declines.
When he gets to Fangtasia, Ginger is all up in her feelings because Eric hadn’t bothered to tell her he was cured. He’s had a rough day so he’s not in the mood for her shit. He is, however, in the mood to fuck and offers to give Ginger what it is she’s been wanting for damn near twenty years. Two or three pumps on the throne was all it took for Ginger to be a quivering mess on the floor.
Eric finds that Gus has Pam tied up in the basement and threatens to kill her unless he is honest about what Sookie knows. He admits that Sookie knows about the cure and then Gus asks for Sookie’s address. And this is going down just as Bill arrives to call on Sookie.
Note: Sam is gone, y’all. Tara wasn’t the only original cast member tied up before the actual finale.