Previously on UKS, ‘Kimmy Goes Outside!’
Kimmy gives herself a pep talk. And responds to herself. She has new shoes, a room with a door, and a black friend. She just can’t believe it. And neither can herself. The only thing she needs to do now is to get her job back.
When she shows up at the Voorhees home, the maid says she looks like “the Wendy’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers girl.” Jacqueline thinks her name is Cornmo. She doesn’t want to give her the job back because she doesn’t believe in second chances. But she appreciates Kimmy’s lack of pride, so she makes a deal. If Kimmy can successfully handle planning and throwing Buckley’s birthday party, she will consider bringing her back on. She doesn’t have time to do the party herself because she has a lot on her plate (not literally) running a charity where she donates towels to homeless people with the same initials as her. I really love this character. She’s basically a rich Jenna Maroney, which is awesome.
Kimmy has 4 hours to throw a superhero themed party for 20 children and their Caribbean chaperones. The party isn’t so much for Buckley as it is for Jacqueline’s husband Julian, who is flying home from London for it. Jacqueline even says to Buckley, “This birthday party isn’t about you!”
Titus is back out on the streets in his robot costume, which surprises Kimmy, since she thought they agreed he’d quit and chase his dreams. But Titus has to keep working because if he doesn’t pay Columbia House, they’ll stop sending him his tapes. Does Columbia House still exist? I mean, Tina Fey wouldn’t lie to me, but I didn’t think they were still around. Anyway, Kimmy agrees to pay for everything so he can quit and convinces him to return his costume to the rental company to get the money for it, which he needs to get Botox to stop his sweating. She thinks he should use the money from the costume to produce his own show about being gay and black and bald and poor, but he already tried that when he did his own version of the Lion King.
Kimmy meets Jacqueline’s spoiled rotten stepdaughter, with her white rich girl name, Xanthippe Lannister, when she runs into the room with her friend who has alcohol poisoning. They can’t take her to the hospital because her dad is running for Congress. “Don’t let her die! She’ll kill me!” she yells to Kimmy. Kimmy knows exactly what to do because she’s had botulism several times. She spoons what looks like baby food into a cup and has the friend drink it. She pukes into the sink and then her and Xan take a selfie. Ugh, teenagers are the worst. And Xan’s friend; I can’t deal with her face. Everything is all wrong about it. Genetics can be cruel.
Jacqueline is scared of Xan, so she tells Kimmy to ground her, but of course Xan won’t take Kimmy seriously. But then Kimmy realizes that Xan’s story about her surfer boyfriend was taken from The Baby-Sitter’s Club Mystery #12: Dawn and The Surfer Ghost, which is one of only two books Kimmy owned down in the bunker. Kimmy uses it has leverage against Xan and is finally able to ground her. I’m pretty sure Xan is only a plot device for the family to find out who Kimmy really is, which I typically hate, but she’s had some pretty hilarious lines, so she can stay.
Kimmy sets up for the party, but Jacqueline thinks it looks like “a party for a child”, even though it is a party for a child. She thinks it looks like a reception for an Appalachian incest wedding and her husband will not be impressed he flew so far for it. She makes Kimmy start over, which she does, but Julian never shows up, the party is called off, and Jacqueline blames Kimmy for everything.
In other areas of New York, Titus is trying to return his costume to the rental store, but the owner refuses to give him his deposit back. The owner admits he has sex with the costumes at night, but still thinks Titus is even more pathetic than that. Titus discovers he’s not the only costumed worker who’d been screwed over by the rental store. Hello Kitty keeps suggesting they all have an orgy. Titus realizes none of the character costumes are licensed and uses his knowledge of intellectual property laws to push the owner into giving them all their security deposits back.
However, after all that, Kimmy asks him to get the costume back so he give Buckley his dream party of beating the crap out of Iron Man with a bat and golf club. Kimmy has a heart-to-heart talk with Jacqueline about her marriage and how nobody can be the perfect foot slut. Then they spoon.
I have to say, this show is only getting better. This theme song needs to go though. And that’s the last negative thing you’re ever gonna hear me say about this show. There are so many more great quotes than I can reasonably fit here. I’d end up just typing up a transcript of the show. So, here’s a few:
Xan – I will chew you up and I spit you out, just like all my food.
Titus – Damnit, what white bitch got him golf clubs?!
Jacqueline – Are her friends with her? They’re so mean and cool. Sometimes I look at them at Barney’s from behind a pillar.
Titus – One of us has to put food on my Barbie themed TV trays.
Jacqueline – My husband Julian is flying in from London for the party.
Kimmy – That’s the fanciest sentence I’ve ever heard. And I used to watch Frasier.