Previously on UKS, Kimmy Kisses a Boy!
Kimmy is excited for her first day of school so she can learn things like what buses are called. Or pants. Titus wishes out loud that he’d gotten his GED because his high school days were awful. We flashback to him being a popular football player and prom king who had to sleep with cheerleaders.
Titus walks Kimmy to school and tries to hug her goodbye. She’s embarrassed that the other uneducated adults might see. He waves her off like a proud parent and warns her not to get lice. Kimmy meets some of her new classmates. There’s a convict with tattoos on his head, a lady who think she’s at a post office, and a guy named Dong who laughs at her name, because in Vietnamese, Kimmy means penis. The teacher, Mr. L., is a lazy, grumpy, middle-aged man who’d rather be on a boat in a boat store. He puts on the 1989 movie Major League before leaning back in his chair and going to sleep.
He tells them waking up is not a given since he lost his sleep apnea machine to Hurricane Sandy so they need to watch and make sure he’s breathing. Kimmy’s not happy with this type of education. She actually wants to learn things. She wants a teacher like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. Kimmy tries to switch to a different class, but due to budget cuts, there aren’t any others. She’s told by the lady working in the front office that Mr. L is on thin ice with the school district and the teacher’s union and that one more screw up is going to cost him his job. Kimmy could either file a complaint or buy a diploma from the office lady. She doesn’t want to do either because she actually wants an education. She decides she’ll make Mr. L remember why he decided to become a teacher in the first place.
While Kimmy’s at school, Titus asks to borrow Lillian’s video camera. She wonders if he’s gonna dress up in white face to see if people react different to him and get it on video. He’s not. He just wants to make a music video. The idea for the video came to him in a dream. It’s called “Pinot Noir An Ode to Black Penis.” Lillian thinks it’s classier than her idea to remake We Didn’t Start the Fire with updated lyrics. They head out to their first location to record the video for the song Titus hasn’t written yet. Lyrics are the least important part he says. “As long as it rhymes, everything will be fines.” They film outside a strip club until the owner makes them leave because they’re scaring away the creeps. So they head to location two, what looks like an abandoned building full of bats. They run out screaming.
While Kimmy’s working on her plan to make Mr. L love teaching again, she asks Titus to look after Jacqueline’s house since she’s out of town. The plants need to be watered, the mail taken in, and fresh flowers need to be put in the panic room. Titus agrees to do it only if he can finish filming his video there. Kimmy agrees, but while they’re filming, Titus pulls down a curtain and Lillian runs away because she has priors and can’t be caught.
Xan shows up and Titus puts on his best straight voice and pretends to be a handyman. Xan wants him to help her clean up the mess she made in the rest of the house during a party the night before. He stops cleaning to film the last scene of his video. When Xan walks in asking what is going on, he explains she’s in the Matrix. Lillian walks in the door and says the same thing. Xan starts to call the police and Lillian says that she has rights in her own home and she should just shoot them. Xan is thrilled when she finds out they’re friends of Kimmy’s because now she can get her fired. She backs down when Titus threatens to tell her father about the party. She’s scared that he’ll either kill her or marry her off to one of his Saudi friends. She doesn’t understand why they’d go out of their way to protect Kimmy, but they ultimately make a deal not to tell on each other.
Kimmy brings an old student she thinks became successful because of Mr. L to talk to him, but it turns out Mr. L had ruined that guy’s life and he beats up Mr. L. Oops. Mr. L has never cared about teaching and Kimmy has been doing this for nothing. She tells him one more screw up and he’s fired. He’s thrilled about it because it’s hard to fire tenured teachers so they just put them in a room and pay them to sit there all day until they figure out what to do with them, which takes years. It’s his dream to be a part of that room. He’s been trying for over 20 years. She knows if she gets him fired, she won’t learn anything at all, because they won’t replace him. The budget is so bad they’re renting out lockers to Japanese business men. Mr. L makes them watch Major League so many times Kimmy finally gets the idea to use the plot against him. She talks the class into working together for the common good. If they work together to pass the class, it will make Mr. L look better and he won’t get to the room he dreams of.
Meanwhile, Titus finishes filming his video. He rhymes Pinot Noir with Roseanne Barr, which is hilarious. Check out the video: