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Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – S1E8 – Kimmy is Bad at Math!

Previously on UKS, Kimmy Goes To a Party!

No one shows up to Kimmy’s GED study group except for a lady named Sonja, who doesn’t think Kimmy should be able to see her since she’s wearing “the hat”. The only math she can teach Kimmy is that the Olsen twins are actually four people. Kimmy asks Titus to help her study, but he isn’t the right guy to tutor anybody because he went to school in Mississippi where they were taught that dinosaurs went extinct because an asteroid turned them gay.

UKS S1E8 Kimmy and Dong FountainRealizing she needs more help, she reaches out to classmate Dong, who is good at math, but not necessarily because he’s Asian. But it might be because he’s Asian. We don’t make the rules. Since Dong is in America illegally, at work he goes by his American name Richard Pennsylvania. Sounds legit. Dong doesn’t have time to tutor Kimmy because he works so much as a Chinese food delivery boy, so she offers to help him make some deliveries so he’ll have free time to tutor her. Even with Dong’s help, Kimmy’s not picking up on algebra, so to cheer her up, her and Dong go dancing in the fountain from the theme song of Friends. Only, a cop tells them it’s not the real fountain and makes them leave. On top of this, Dong’s pay gets docked because Kimmy doesn’t know how to make change and all the orders she delivered came up short. They get in a big fight on the street and Dong storms off. Later on, Kimmy orders Chinese food so that Dong has to come over. She tells him she now understands math, he realizes his English has gotten better because of Kimmy, and they make up.

UKS S1E8 Werewolf Titus and Baby

Titus starts his new job as a werewolf waiter at Professor Dracula’s Spooky Laboratory and Bar and Grill. He finds that he’s treated better as a werewolf than as a black man. Cabs stop for him, cops are friendly, and a strange women even asks him to hold her baby. He decides he’s going to live as a werewolf forever, because he likes all the respect he gets. By the end of the night, his werewolf costume starts falling off. A young couple tries to help him, but once they realize he’s a black man, they shout, “That werewolf has turned into Samuel L. Jackson!” and run away screaming.

Jacqueline’s husband is trying to win her back by sending her gifts, including a bouquet of dogs.

UKS S1E8 Bouquet of Dogs

“Cool! You’re a werewolf! Like in the bible!” – Kimmy

Her and Julian’s pre-nup is pretty serious business. Julian wants weekends and holiday custody of Vera, the housekeeper. There was an infidelity clause for Jacqueline, but not for Julian. The pre-nup specifically says he can “stick it wherever”. As for money, Jacqueline gets what she considers peanuts. For rich people that can means 12 million dollars. Jacqueline refuses to sign the papers and her and Julian agree to get back together. Kimmy tries to change her mind. She takes her home to show her that she can live on less money just like Kimmy does. Jacqueline runs out, worried that she’ll get airborne diabetes. Math finally clicks in for Kimmy when she calculates how much interest Jacqueline will make on the amount of money she gets in the divorce, which will almost double her money. But leaving Julian isn’t really about the money. She’s afraid of starting over. Legit. Kimmy confesses that she’s a mole woman and she had to start over too, in a much scarier situation than Jacqueline is in.

The episode ends with Kimmy on a date at the restaurant from Ghostbusters with Logan. Dong sees them on a date and gets jealous.


About Patti Matteucci (265 Articles)
Patti Matteucci plays in an imaginary band in Illinois where she rocks the mic like a vandal while simultaneously cooking MCs like a pound of bacon. She is into most nerdy things but doesn’t excel enough in any to be labeled a nerd. One of her top skillz is scouring the internet for recipes, printing out a big pile, and then throwing them away before ever trying them when she remembers that you can have food made and delivered to your front door by somebody else. She is a 14 year old trapped inside a 33 year old’s body (or maybe also a 14 year old’s body) with an unabashed love for Justin Bieber and far too much time spent marrying celebrities in Sims 3.
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